1. What was the most memorable interview you ever had?
Probably my interview with the Commission on Ministry, which would recommend to my bishop whether or not I should become a postulant for Holy Orders. I had heard that their questions could run to the snarky, and I had developed a plan for this with my spiritual director ("My gut says that this feels like an attack. Is it?") In point of fact, the questions weren't snarky, although some of them were challenging. Many of the questions were fascinating, and I was deeply moved by the answers to some of the questions addressed to my husband, my presenting rector, and folks on the vestry and the lay discernment committee who accompanied me. Of course, after it was all over, I sat in the car and cried for ten minutes - stress release and all that - but it was definitely memorable.
2. Have you ever been the interviewer rather than the interviewee? If so, are you a tiger, a creampuff, or somewhere in between?
I've been the interviewer often in my past life. I do tend to think I'm somewhere in between, because I think interviews are two-way streets. There is some baseline information - skill-related stuff - that I want to get at, but then it's more touchy-feely - will we work together well kind of stuff. Of course, if I feel like I'm being gamed, I ask a lot of questions that might leave the interviewee feeling like I'm a tiger.
3. Do phone interviews make you more or less nervous than in-person ones?
They make me very nervous, because I rely on nonverbal cues to assess what's going on. Absent the body language and facial expressions, I feel like I'm flying blind.
4. What was the best advice you ever got to prepare for an interview? How about the worst?
Good advice: Breathe. Say a prayer. Interviews are a two-way street. Don't just respond instantaneously to a question; think about it for a moment before replying. Smile.
Bad advice: Prepare answers to every possible question.
5. Do you have any pre-interview rituals that give you confidence?
Going to the bathroom beforehand (I'm a practical middle-aged woman). Saying a prayer of discernment. Checking to make sure I don't have any food stuck between my teeth. Deep breath.
Friday, November 02, 2007
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
All Hallows Eve
The ghosties and goblins are trooping through the neighborhood, asking for tricks and treats. Some of the costumes are precious, some are scary, and some are nonexistent. It's interesting that we've got preteens and some teens going around with a pillowcase looking for sweet swag without the dressing up. It aggravated me briefly until I recalled, in this socio-economically mixed neighborhood, that a lot of these young people have to grow up too fast. Maybe it's a good thing that they stay kids for this one night.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Break Is Almost Over
...and I haven't gotten anywhere near as far as I would have liked on the Systematics draft. Ten more days to go on that one. Everything else is done as far as it's going to be, and I've made a dent in my sermon for Advent II.
It dawned on me how tired I am this afternoon. I had gone for lunch with my home parish rector - he was kind and took me to a really lovely Italian place - and when I came home, I slept for 2+ hours. Tomorrow will be more active. The morning will involve getting out my winter clothes, the afternoon will be babysitting one of my professors' 18 month old boy (sheer joy), and the evening will be a vestry meeting at Saint Middle School - 35 miles in each direction for that one. It was probably a good thing that I got my nap in today, because I don't think there will be time for one tomorrow.
I find myself already thinking ahead to the summer, when I'll be doing an intensive field placement. The good news is that it's for eight weeks, not the entire summer. The other good news is that I'll get paid for it. Not great $$$, but something. Since my salary from the bank ends on Dec 31st, we'll be watching our pennies while I finish seminary. I'm trying to just live in the moment and focus on the work at hand, but it's hard not to think ahead, plan ahead, wonder what's out there.
My best buddy is graduating this year, so it will make for a slightly less fun senior year, but I'll be focused on other things...
It dawned on me how tired I am this afternoon. I had gone for lunch with my home parish rector - he was kind and took me to a really lovely Italian place - and when I came home, I slept for 2+ hours. Tomorrow will be more active. The morning will involve getting out my winter clothes, the afternoon will be babysitting one of my professors' 18 month old boy (sheer joy), and the evening will be a vestry meeting at Saint Middle School - 35 miles in each direction for that one. It was probably a good thing that I got my nap in today, because I don't think there will be time for one tomorrow.
I find myself already thinking ahead to the summer, when I'll be doing an intensive field placement. The good news is that it's for eight weeks, not the entire summer. The other good news is that I'll get paid for it. Not great $$$, but something. Since my salary from the bank ends on Dec 31st, we'll be watching our pennies while I finish seminary. I'm trying to just live in the moment and focus on the work at hand, but it's hard not to think ahead, plan ahead, wonder what's out there.
My best buddy is graduating this year, so it will make for a slightly less fun senior year, but I'll be focused on other things...
So NPR Says
...that the Red Sox are the new Yankees. Twice as champs in umpty-ump years makes us the new Yankees? I don't think so.
I'm smiling today, not because the Sox won, but because (unlike so many times in my lifetime) they didn't tank at the last minute.
I'm smiling today, not because the Sox won, but because (unlike so many times in my lifetime) they didn't tank at the last minute.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Yeah, the Rockies are Nice Guys, But...
GO RED SOX!!!!
(I'll go sit down and be quiet now.)
BTW, the high point of last week's classes was the announcement at the beginning of a Systematic Theology class by the prof, a gentle, sweet and dauntingly brilliant woman of a certain age, that "Josh Beckett rules!"
As in all things she says in that class, this was truth.
Out in the world, some were saying that Josh Beckett is God, but that doesn't preach in ST class, of course.
(I'll go sit down and be quiet now.)
BTW, the high point of last week's classes was the announcement at the beginning of a Systematic Theology class by the prof, a gentle, sweet and dauntingly brilliant woman of a certain age, that "Josh Beckett rules!"
As in all things she says in that class, this was truth.
Out in the world, some were saying that Josh Beckett is God, but that doesn't preach in ST class, of course.
Sermon for Sunday, October 28, 2007
Proper 25, Year C. Jer. 14:(1-6)7-10,19-22, Ps. 84, 2 Tim. 4:6-8,16-18, Luke 18: 9-14.
Several years ago, there was a popular movie starring Jim Carrey called “Truman.” He played a fellow living in a world entirely created as a stage set for his life, a life that had been documented from the moment of his birth as a television show. The place where he lived was a lovely bit of suburbia, populated by pretty people who all behaved nicely towards one another. The sun always shone, except for brief, charming showers that perked up the grass and the flowers. No one was ugly, or sad, or cruel. It was all façade. Truman was oblivious to the role he was playing, oblivious to the incompleteness of his life.
I am thinking about Truman and his make-believe world as I imagine what’s going on in the head of the Pharisee as he prays. Think about what he says: “Thanks, God. Notice that I do all the right things, I follow the rules. I’m not a bad person like some others around here.” This is a man who cares about how the world sees him and about how God sees him. He follows the rules. He looks good to the world around him, because he does what he’s supposed to do.
The theologian Jurgen Moltmann points out a very interesting thing about the Pharisee’s prayer. The Pharisee says what he does, and who he isn’t like, but he doesn’t talk about who he is. He leaves an empty hole in his conversation with God. The conversation seems to be about appearances, about the pretty façade, and not about who he is.
So we look inside this praying Pharisee’s head. Perhaps he has doubts about himself, and that’s why he doesn’t talk about what is in his heart and soul. He just talks about what he does and who he isn’t like. He’s concerned about maintaining that perfect exterior, like the perfect town and the shiny people in Truman’s world. He never gets to the heart of who he is, and what that means to him and to God.
The tax collector gives us a very different perspective. Before we even hear a word from him, we know something about him. He is standing far off, not willing to even lift up his eyes to heaven. These are postures of servitude and unworthiness. Before the words of his prayer are spoken, his body tells his belief. He speaks: 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner!'
This is not a man who proclaims his perfection, this is one who admits his imperfection. He is willing to show God exactly who he is, the core of himself, imperfect as it is, and ask for God’s help.
Let’s take a peek inside the tax collector’s head. We know he knows what the Pharisee thinks about him, because everyone knows the rules about what’s clean and unclean. He knows he’s a sinner. He’s willing to show that to God in his prayer. “Have mercy on me, a sinner.” He’s willing to strip away the façade and talk directly to God, not boasting, not pretending he follows the rules, but saying, “Here I am. I’m a mess. I need Your help. Please help me in Your mercy.”
And what of the words and the world of this story? This is a bold parable, because Jesus is talking about Pharisees, directly to the Pharisees. The first verse says it: Jesus was speaking “to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and regarded others with contempt”. Those “some who trusted in themselves” is an interesting phrase, because it can also be translated as “some who had persuaded themselves.” Perhaps they had a few doubts. Perhaps they had to persuade themselves to believe that they were righteous. I mentioned the possibility that the Pharisee had doubts before, because I suspect that we all have doubts about how good we really are, and that’s bound to affect our praying.
We’ve talked before, too, about how parables are countercultural. They turn the world upside down. This one is no different. When we talk about a tax collector, we’re not talking about your friendly neighbor who happens to work for the IRS. In this time, in this world, we’re talking traitor. Tax collectors in Jesus’ time were quislings, tools of the Roman Empire. They collected tax money for the Roman emperor and took a cut for themselves as their pay. They were viewed as unclean in every sense of the word. So in this parable, when Jesus talks about the tax collector as being righteous, he’s making an extraordinarily shocking statement…and he’s saying it right to the faces of the so-called good guys, the Pharisees, who were sparkling clean and who followed all the rules. The Pharisees were all about the rules, not because they were bad people, but because they thought that was enough.
It’s not.
It’s not in life, and it’s not in prayer.
So the issue here is how we pray. When we come to God in prayer, are we willing to show God more than the façade, the Thomas Kincaid sofa-sized picture we can paint of ourselves? It’s easy to hide behind the false front. It’s easy to excuse our imperfect words and our imperfect actions, thinking they’re better than nothing. I do it all the time. Each time I just pat my grieving friend on the back and move quickly away, rather than having that deep conversation about her pain, it’s an incomplete and imperfect prayer. Each time I walk quickly past the begging homeless person in Farragut Square because he scares me, it’s an incomplete and imperfect prayer. Each time I talk to God about how unfair it is that a colleague seems to get a free ride, not recognizing the second chances I’ve been given, it’s an incomplete and imperfect prayer. It’s an easy place to go as a Christian, because we usually are halfway there. We just don’t bring it all the way home, in life or in prayer. We hide the imperfection. We hide the incompleteness, because we want God to think that we’re wonderful, and to love us for the good things we do and not notice our failures.
But here’s the truly beautiful thing: God loves us no matter what.
Even more beautiful, God knows us completely.
I wonder if we sometimes don’t construct those prayers that are lists of all the good things we do because we’re afraid God will see the little uglinesses behind the good things. Am I feeling guilty about the nasty thing I said about a co-worker? Don’t talk about that; pray about how I went to church on Sunday. Am I feeling a bit ashamed of how I padded the expense account, just a little bit? Don’t talk about that; pray about the check I wrote for the charity. When I don’t bring my full self to God in prayer, the prayer is hollow. Unless I ask for God to help me with the things I need to work on, instead of simply saying I’m fine, I miss the opportunity to ask for God’s mercy and grace.
Perhaps it’s that we, too, doubt. We, too, need to persuade ourselves. We’re afraid God won’t like what He sees when we bring all of ourselves, the good, the bad, the ugly, to Him in prayer. But He knows us completely, and He loves us no matter what. If we bring it to Him in a full and honest way, He will help us to grow into a more perfect expression of God’s love.
So what happened to Truman, living in that perfect world that was all façade and little reality? Behind the scenes was a platoon of real people who manipulated this world to make it look pretty and sweet, to provide the perfect backdrop for this man called Truman, the unwitting star of the show. The real people weren’t so pretty or sweet. The center of the Truman Show was often venal, and harsh, and manipulative. But Truman, despite being coddled in that lovely make-believe place, began to see the seams of it, and struggled to break through to reality, with all its imperfections and difficulties. Ultimately, he did break through, and he embraced his own humanity and the imperfections of the world around him. The façade was torn. The rain fell. The truth bloomed, and it was a healing moment for a betrayed soul.
Our lives are complicated, and they are often neither perfect nor pretty. But unless we bring the whole of our lives, the whole of who we are, to God in prayer, the truth will not bloom, and we will not be healed. We are called to trust in God’s love and mercy, and to know that we will be made whole.
Amen.
Several years ago, there was a popular movie starring Jim Carrey called “Truman.” He played a fellow living in a world entirely created as a stage set for his life, a life that had been documented from the moment of his birth as a television show. The place where he lived was a lovely bit of suburbia, populated by pretty people who all behaved nicely towards one another. The sun always shone, except for brief, charming showers that perked up the grass and the flowers. No one was ugly, or sad, or cruel. It was all façade. Truman was oblivious to the role he was playing, oblivious to the incompleteness of his life.
I am thinking about Truman and his make-believe world as I imagine what’s going on in the head of the Pharisee as he prays. Think about what he says: “Thanks, God. Notice that I do all the right things, I follow the rules. I’m not a bad person like some others around here.” This is a man who cares about how the world sees him and about how God sees him. He follows the rules. He looks good to the world around him, because he does what he’s supposed to do.
The theologian Jurgen Moltmann points out a very interesting thing about the Pharisee’s prayer. The Pharisee says what he does, and who he isn’t like, but he doesn’t talk about who he is. He leaves an empty hole in his conversation with God. The conversation seems to be about appearances, about the pretty façade, and not about who he is.
So we look inside this praying Pharisee’s head. Perhaps he has doubts about himself, and that’s why he doesn’t talk about what is in his heart and soul. He just talks about what he does and who he isn’t like. He’s concerned about maintaining that perfect exterior, like the perfect town and the shiny people in Truman’s world. He never gets to the heart of who he is, and what that means to him and to God.
The tax collector gives us a very different perspective. Before we even hear a word from him, we know something about him. He is standing far off, not willing to even lift up his eyes to heaven. These are postures of servitude and unworthiness. Before the words of his prayer are spoken, his body tells his belief. He speaks: 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner!'
This is not a man who proclaims his perfection, this is one who admits his imperfection. He is willing to show God exactly who he is, the core of himself, imperfect as it is, and ask for God’s help.
Let’s take a peek inside the tax collector’s head. We know he knows what the Pharisee thinks about him, because everyone knows the rules about what’s clean and unclean. He knows he’s a sinner. He’s willing to show that to God in his prayer. “Have mercy on me, a sinner.” He’s willing to strip away the façade and talk directly to God, not boasting, not pretending he follows the rules, but saying, “Here I am. I’m a mess. I need Your help. Please help me in Your mercy.”
And what of the words and the world of this story? This is a bold parable, because Jesus is talking about Pharisees, directly to the Pharisees. The first verse says it: Jesus was speaking “to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and regarded others with contempt”. Those “some who trusted in themselves” is an interesting phrase, because it can also be translated as “some who had persuaded themselves.” Perhaps they had a few doubts. Perhaps they had to persuade themselves to believe that they were righteous. I mentioned the possibility that the Pharisee had doubts before, because I suspect that we all have doubts about how good we really are, and that’s bound to affect our praying.
We’ve talked before, too, about how parables are countercultural. They turn the world upside down. This one is no different. When we talk about a tax collector, we’re not talking about your friendly neighbor who happens to work for the IRS. In this time, in this world, we’re talking traitor. Tax collectors in Jesus’ time were quislings, tools of the Roman Empire. They collected tax money for the Roman emperor and took a cut for themselves as their pay. They were viewed as unclean in every sense of the word. So in this parable, when Jesus talks about the tax collector as being righteous, he’s making an extraordinarily shocking statement…and he’s saying it right to the faces of the so-called good guys, the Pharisees, who were sparkling clean and who followed all the rules. The Pharisees were all about the rules, not because they were bad people, but because they thought that was enough.
It’s not.
It’s not in life, and it’s not in prayer.
So the issue here is how we pray. When we come to God in prayer, are we willing to show God more than the façade, the Thomas Kincaid sofa-sized picture we can paint of ourselves? It’s easy to hide behind the false front. It’s easy to excuse our imperfect words and our imperfect actions, thinking they’re better than nothing. I do it all the time. Each time I just pat my grieving friend on the back and move quickly away, rather than having that deep conversation about her pain, it’s an incomplete and imperfect prayer. Each time I walk quickly past the begging homeless person in Farragut Square because he scares me, it’s an incomplete and imperfect prayer. Each time I talk to God about how unfair it is that a colleague seems to get a free ride, not recognizing the second chances I’ve been given, it’s an incomplete and imperfect prayer. It’s an easy place to go as a Christian, because we usually are halfway there. We just don’t bring it all the way home, in life or in prayer. We hide the imperfection. We hide the incompleteness, because we want God to think that we’re wonderful, and to love us for the good things we do and not notice our failures.
But here’s the truly beautiful thing: God loves us no matter what.
Even more beautiful, God knows us completely.
I wonder if we sometimes don’t construct those prayers that are lists of all the good things we do because we’re afraid God will see the little uglinesses behind the good things. Am I feeling guilty about the nasty thing I said about a co-worker? Don’t talk about that; pray about how I went to church on Sunday. Am I feeling a bit ashamed of how I padded the expense account, just a little bit? Don’t talk about that; pray about the check I wrote for the charity. When I don’t bring my full self to God in prayer, the prayer is hollow. Unless I ask for God to help me with the things I need to work on, instead of simply saying I’m fine, I miss the opportunity to ask for God’s mercy and grace.
Perhaps it’s that we, too, doubt. We, too, need to persuade ourselves. We’re afraid God won’t like what He sees when we bring all of ourselves, the good, the bad, the ugly, to Him in prayer. But He knows us completely, and He loves us no matter what. If we bring it to Him in a full and honest way, He will help us to grow into a more perfect expression of God’s love.
So what happened to Truman, living in that perfect world that was all façade and little reality? Behind the scenes was a platoon of real people who manipulated this world to make it look pretty and sweet, to provide the perfect backdrop for this man called Truman, the unwitting star of the show. The real people weren’t so pretty or sweet. The center of the Truman Show was often venal, and harsh, and manipulative. But Truman, despite being coddled in that lovely make-believe place, began to see the seams of it, and struggled to break through to reality, with all its imperfections and difficulties. Ultimately, he did break through, and he embraced his own humanity and the imperfections of the world around him. The façade was torn. The rain fell. The truth bloomed, and it was a healing moment for a betrayed soul.
Our lives are complicated, and they are often neither perfect nor pretty. But unless we bring the whole of our lives, the whole of who we are, to God in prayer, the truth will not bloom, and we will not be healed. We are called to trust in God’s love and mercy, and to know that we will be made whole.
Amen.
Adios, Old Life
I'm back from Sin City, where I attended my final board meeting for a trade association from my former life. I had been affiliated with this association for almost twenty years, one way or the other, and I had served on the board for the past several years. It is an indicator of how disconnected I feel from my former life that I didn't have a single business card with me. Of course, since my retirement from the bank will be on Dec 15th, there really was no point in bringing business cards. An announcement about my career change was made at an awards luncheon, much applause, a cake in honor of me and two others who were leaving the organization after many years...all very lovely. Many people came up to me and said goodbye and how great it was I was pursuing a "higher calling" and all that. I don't feel terribly comfortable with those conversations. I suspect it is the ongoing issue of "am I worthy?" rearing its ugly head again. It is also the discomfort of leaving, once and for all, a world in which I was viewed as an expert, a one-of-a-kind resource, occasionally adult supervision (no, I'm not going to tell stories), and a grown-up.
In this new world, I am a child.
It's a gift, being allowed to be a child again, to experiment and experience the joy of a new thing. It's a gift, learning and basking in the sheer pleasure of new knowledge and of stretching my brain in new directions.
Like childhood, it's not without its growing pains. This new childhood didn't bring with it a physical rebirth, so doing new stuff with an old brain and an old body is hard work.
I wouldn't trade it far anything, though.
In this new world, I am a child.
It's a gift, being allowed to be a child again, to experiment and experience the joy of a new thing. It's a gift, learning and basking in the sheer pleasure of new knowledge and of stretching my brain in new directions.
Like childhood, it's not without its growing pains. This new childhood didn't bring with it a physical rebirth, so doing new stuff with an old brain and an old body is hard work.
I wouldn't trade it far anything, though.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Avoiding Killing Any More Trees
We saved some paper by having an oral Pastoral Care final exam. Three at a time, we met with the prof, who gave us role plays, asked us to defend the theses of the texts we used, asked for explanations of different concepts we had studied, and elicited our ideas about our Myers-Briggs type and how it might influence our work of pastoral care. Great idea, fun and not very stressful, all things considered.
I'm still wading through the Church History paper. I think I'm a page away from completion, although it will need some cleaning up. Comparison of Athanasius and Augustine and their theology of the nature of evil and our response to it. Feels more theological than historical, but I'm engaging the primary sources, so I'm doing what they want. I can't imagine our poor TA reading through 60 of these puppies.
Thus, any tree-saving we managed by the PC final has been outweighed by the paper generated by me and my colleagues in Church History. Ah, well.
Time to finish procrastinating and finish the dang thing.
I'm still wading through the Church History paper. I think I'm a page away from completion, although it will need some cleaning up. Comparison of Athanasius and Augustine and their theology of the nature of evil and our response to it. Feels more theological than historical, but I'm engaging the primary sources, so I'm doing what they want. I can't imagine our poor TA reading through 60 of these puppies.
Thus, any tree-saving we managed by the PC final has been outweighed by the paper generated by me and my colleagues in Church History. Ah, well.
Time to finish procrastinating and finish the dang thing.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
You never know
...what will happen at the altar rail.
It had been a somewhat emotional Sunday anyway - it was "Honor a Friend Sunday" and people stood up during the sermon time and gave testimony about friends they had invited to the service today. There were quite a few tearful and tender moments.
One of the dads of a special needs kid came up to receive communion, and just stayed kneeling with his head in his hands, quietly weeping.
My vicar just stood there over him, saying prayers, with her hands on his head. She talked to him afterwards.
He had tried to commit suicide this week. The stress of a high-pressure job, a child with great challenges, financial difficulties all took him to the edge.
But not all the way there, thank God.
That exquisite moment of inbreaking of God's love saved him and his family. And that same inbreaking made it possible for him to open up to us about his pain and need.
His road ahead is going to be difficult, but I hope we can be there for him and help to know that God is with him even in this awful moment.
It is humbling to do this work.
It had been a somewhat emotional Sunday anyway - it was "Honor a Friend Sunday" and people stood up during the sermon time and gave testimony about friends they had invited to the service today. There were quite a few tearful and tender moments.
One of the dads of a special needs kid came up to receive communion, and just stayed kneeling with his head in his hands, quietly weeping.
My vicar just stood there over him, saying prayers, with her hands on his head. She talked to him afterwards.
He had tried to commit suicide this week. The stress of a high-pressure job, a child with great challenges, financial difficulties all took him to the edge.
But not all the way there, thank God.
That exquisite moment of inbreaking of God's love saved him and his family. And that same inbreaking made it possible for him to open up to us about his pain and need.
His road ahead is going to be difficult, but I hope we can be there for him and help to know that God is with him even in this awful moment.
It is humbling to do this work.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh
Classes are done for the first quarter. It dawned on me the other day that in eight weeks I'll be halfway through Seminary. How did that happen?
I was volunteered at Middler Class Meeting (I was at Chapel team meeting) to be the Empress of General Ordination Exam prep. This will involve setting up prep sessions with profs, helping facilitate study groups, getting as much info from past seniors as possible about their GOE experience...apparently I was volunteered by acclamation. I can't figure out if this means they think I'm a smart puppy or I have a Mussolini-like ability to make the trains run on time. I suspect the latter.
It was also somewhat shocking to discover that I'm one of the better ones in Systematics. That truly indicates the sad state of scholarship amongst Episcopalians.
I'm sitting here listening to my ipod Spanish vocabulary...hoping it will enter my head by osmosis or something. Oh well.
Hard to imagine they will foist me on unsuspecting parishioners in a year and a half.
I was volunteered at Middler Class Meeting (I was at Chapel team meeting) to be the Empress of General Ordination Exam prep. This will involve setting up prep sessions with profs, helping facilitate study groups, getting as much info from past seniors as possible about their GOE experience...apparently I was volunteered by acclamation. I can't figure out if this means they think I'm a smart puppy or I have a Mussolini-like ability to make the trains run on time. I suspect the latter.
It was also somewhat shocking to discover that I'm one of the better ones in Systematics. That truly indicates the sad state of scholarship amongst Episcopalians.
I'm sitting here listening to my ipod Spanish vocabulary...hoping it will enter my head by osmosis or something. Oh well.
Hard to imagine they will foist me on unsuspecting parishioners in a year and a half.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Progress
One more day in the quarter for classes. The Church History paper is done and I'm about to start on the take-home midterm. I've got a self- evaluation paper to write after preaching my sermon this morning (it means I have to actually look at the videotape - a scary prospect). I got inital prep done on my review for the Pastoral Care oral exam. I expect to spend most of break on the rough draft of the systematics paper.
It feels good to be in this kind of shape at the end of a quarter. Of course, the CH midterm will be a challenge, and the ST paper is a bear, but I feel like I've hit my stride - at least for today.
It feels good to be in this kind of shape at the end of a quarter. Of course, the CH midterm will be a challenge, and the ST paper is a bear, but I feel like I've hit my stride - at least for today.
Monday, October 15, 2007
To-Do List
Two page paper on Athanasius' "Life of Antony"
Four page mid-term for Church History
Rough draft of 10-page Systematics Paper (something in the area of Ecclesiology, Polity, and Scriptural Interpretation)
Prep work for the Pastoral Theology Exam
Final clean-up on Sermon for Homiletics on Thursday (Christ the King)
Start-Up of next sermon for Homiletics (Advent II)
It will get done, assuming I stop rewriting the Christ the king sermon for the umpty-umpth time.
Today was the fall Conference on Ministry. A whole bunch of folks checking out Big Old Seminary. Some were using it as a part of their own discernment process, as I did many years ago. Some were using it to decide if Big Old Seminary was the right one for them. Some were using it as an info-gathering session on life at our place, since they pretty much knew this was where they wanted to go.
Their hopeful faces were a good reminder of why I really want to do everything on the list above, why it WILL get done (the Spirit will help deliver), and - most important - how I'll use it, even the convolutions of Systematics once I graduate.
Praise be.
Of course, then I went home after school. Rather, I tried to get home. Most of the streets around our complex were shut by the police. Apparently a despondent man holed himself up in his unit with a gun, and they were trying to get the gun away from him and get him to a facility where he could be cared for. Another reminder of the needs of God's people, and why all this studying and praying and writing and grinding my teeth is important. The stand-off finally ended. No one was hurt. The streets were opened again. The Spirit moved.
Four page mid-term for Church History
Rough draft of 10-page Systematics Paper (something in the area of Ecclesiology, Polity, and Scriptural Interpretation)
Prep work for the Pastoral Theology Exam
Final clean-up on Sermon for Homiletics on Thursday (Christ the King)
Start-Up of next sermon for Homiletics (Advent II)
It will get done, assuming I stop rewriting the Christ the king sermon for the umpty-umpth time.
Today was the fall Conference on Ministry. A whole bunch of folks checking out Big Old Seminary. Some were using it as a part of their own discernment process, as I did many years ago. Some were using it to decide if Big Old Seminary was the right one for them. Some were using it as an info-gathering session on life at our place, since they pretty much knew this was where they wanted to go.
Their hopeful faces were a good reminder of why I really want to do everything on the list above, why it WILL get done (the Spirit will help deliver), and - most important - how I'll use it, even the convolutions of Systematics once I graduate.
Praise be.
Of course, then I went home after school. Rather, I tried to get home. Most of the streets around our complex were shut by the police. Apparently a despondent man holed himself up in his unit with a gun, and they were trying to get the gun away from him and get him to a facility where he could be cared for. Another reminder of the needs of God's people, and why all this studying and praying and writing and grinding my teeth is important. The stand-off finally ended. No one was hurt. The streets were opened again. The Spirit moved.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Friday Five: B-I-B-L-E
1. What is your earliest memory of encountering a biblical text?
Being read the Noah and the Ark story in kindergarten Sunday School. Of course, it being a Roman Catholic Sunday School, we weren't permitted to speculate on what it meant (only priests could do that back them). So the question of a loving God destroying everybody could not be raised, but I thought it. That's what happens when you get these stories out of context, even amongst five-year-olds, I guess.
2. What is your favorite biblical translation, and why? (You might have a few for different purposes).
NRSV for the scholarship and KJV for the exquisite poetry. Not big on paraphrases like The Message or The Word on the Street (a hip-hop paraphrase). Seems like middle-aged white people trying to be hip and failing miserably.
3. What is your favorite book of the Bible? Your favorite verse/passage?
OT: Genesis, and NT: Revelation. I also feel a deep connection to the Book of Ruth, since that's the first one I translated from Hebrew, and since I love the story. My favorite verse comes from there: "Where you go, I shall go..."
4. Which book of the Bible do you consider, in Luther’s famous words about James, to be “an epistle of straw?” Which verse(s) make you want to scream?
I struggle with Leviticus and Deuteronomy, not only because of the infamous texts used to condemn gay people, but because long lists of what to eat and what to wear and how to set up the table is to me such an alien way to approach relationship with the Divine. Hard to believe from an Episcopalian who loves the rubrics of liturgy, but it's true! I suppose this also explains my discomfort with approaches like "The Purpose-Driven Life."
5. Inclusive language in biblical translation and liturgical proclamation: for, against, or neutral?
If it's done well, I like it. It seems a matter (as RM has said) of hospitality. On the other hand, when it reads like a clumsy attempt at political correctness rather than graceful and grace-filled language, I cringe.
Bonus: Back to the Psalms–which one best speaks the prayer of your heart?
I'm with my buddy RM, Psalm 139. I find something new in it every time I go back to it.
Being read the Noah and the Ark story in kindergarten Sunday School. Of course, it being a Roman Catholic Sunday School, we weren't permitted to speculate on what it meant (only priests could do that back them). So the question of a loving God destroying everybody could not be raised, but I thought it. That's what happens when you get these stories out of context, even amongst five-year-olds, I guess.
2. What is your favorite biblical translation, and why? (You might have a few for different purposes).
NRSV for the scholarship and KJV for the exquisite poetry. Not big on paraphrases like The Message or The Word on the Street (a hip-hop paraphrase). Seems like middle-aged white people trying to be hip and failing miserably.
3. What is your favorite book of the Bible? Your favorite verse/passage?
OT: Genesis, and NT: Revelation. I also feel a deep connection to the Book of Ruth, since that's the first one I translated from Hebrew, and since I love the story. My favorite verse comes from there: "Where you go, I shall go..."
4. Which book of the Bible do you consider, in Luther’s famous words about James, to be “an epistle of straw?” Which verse(s) make you want to scream?
I struggle with Leviticus and Deuteronomy, not only because of the infamous texts used to condemn gay people, but because long lists of what to eat and what to wear and how to set up the table is to me such an alien way to approach relationship with the Divine. Hard to believe from an Episcopalian who loves the rubrics of liturgy, but it's true! I suppose this also explains my discomfort with approaches like "The Purpose-Driven Life."
5. Inclusive language in biblical translation and liturgical proclamation: for, against, or neutral?
If it's done well, I like it. It seems a matter (as RM has said) of hospitality. On the other hand, when it reads like a clumsy attempt at political correctness rather than graceful and grace-filled language, I cringe.
Bonus: Back to the Psalms–which one best speaks the prayer of your heart?
I'm with my buddy RM, Psalm 139. I find something new in it every time I go back to it.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Random Dots of Thursday
Good news, bad news, no news.
* Finally got back the first Church History paper. I knew going into it that my thesis was a bit of a stretch, so I was gambling, but it was an idea that had intrigued me, so I went ahead with it anyway. He wasn't entirely convinced of my thesis but was also intrigued by it, and liked my writing, so I got a darned good but not spectacular grade. I'll take it. It also gives me an insight of how to approach the next paper, which is due the end of next week. Gack.
* Systematics. Bliss. Even reading Barth, which is like pouring warm tar on my synapses. Bliss. I ask questions and I can't believe they come out of my mouth. Of course, the major part of the bliss is the prof, who is amazing and witty and pastoral and willing to answer all sorts of questions, even the out-of-left-field ones. Why was I afraid of this class? (Remind me of this when I get my first paper back from her.)
*The Swede-mobile failed its inspection today. Needs new brakes and rotors and two new tires. Mucho dinero. Gulp. Oh well, it needed to get done. I drive 80 miles a week to and from Saint Middle School, so it's a serious safety issue. PH offered to do the work, but couldn't deal with it until the end of the month, and my rejection sticker requires the problem get resolved very quickly. So it goes into the shop tomorrow morning.
* PH and I are leaving tomorrow after I have a lunch meeting for a weekend away here just for Friday night and Saturday through the afternoon. Tenth anniversary tomorrow, and it's a treat to get out of town with no schoolbooks with me. (I am taking knitting, though.) I am so very lucky. If you want to read the insane story of my adventures baking my own wedding cake, you can check it out here . I was crazy to make the cake, but supremely sane to marry PH, who has been my friend, my lover, my editor, my punster, my challenger, my comforter. I am blessed.
* Got the stitch out on my skin biopsy site today (a stupid rash that couldn't immediately be identified) but no results yet on the biopsy itself. Not anything to worry about - she ruled out skin cancer right away - but I sure would like to get something that would end the rash!
* The Spooky cat is resting in anticipation of her big day - Halloween, when she will terrorize small children ringing our doorbell by her very presence. She is sleeping on my Pastoral Theology homework. It seems fitting, somehow.
Monday, October 08, 2007
Mondays
Mondays aren't usually my favorite days. Trying to get back in gear after the weekend has never been easy, and it's only gotten harder now that I'm doing Field Ed on Sundays.
It is a wonderful thing having today as a holiday (Columbus Day, for my non-US friends). I got to run mulitple errands, have spiritual direction, and - blessing of all blessings - take a nap.
I nearly ruined it trying to read Karl Barth this afternoon, but stopped myself before I got brain freeze.
News on the family front: Strong Opinions has cut her hair, StoneMason is mourning the death of a friend, Litigator is still on track to graduate at the end of this semester, all the kids' flights home for Thanksgiving have been booked, and PH is trying to find a fourth rider to do the Race Across America - an 8 day bicycle race from San Diego to Atlantic City. His original fourth dropped out.
No, I will NOT be the fourth rider.
It is a wonderful thing having today as a holiday (Columbus Day, for my non-US friends). I got to run mulitple errands, have spiritual direction, and - blessing of all blessings - take a nap.
I nearly ruined it trying to read Karl Barth this afternoon, but stopped myself before I got brain freeze.
News on the family front: Strong Opinions has cut her hair, StoneMason is mourning the death of a friend, Litigator is still on track to graduate at the end of this semester, all the kids' flights home for Thanksgiving have been booked, and PH is trying to find a fourth rider to do the Race Across America - an 8 day bicycle race from San Diego to Atlantic City. His original fourth dropped out.
No, I will NOT be the fourth rider.
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Sunday Morning 6 a.m.
Some people are still asleep at this hour.
I'm not.
The coffee is brewing, and I've just reviewed the lesson plan for the teens in my Sunday School class about money and what the Bible really says about it.
This is not a preaching week for me, but sermons are on my mind. Yesterday I finished my sermon For my next turn in the (virtual) pulpit, Oct 28th. I say virtual pulpit because we preach from the floor at Saint Middle School. I am already starting on the one next in the queue (November 25th, Christ the King Sunday, or Reformation Sunday for non-Episcopalian Protestants) for Homiletics class. Doing one sermon in class on the 10th and another on the 18th is a bit intense, and I'm not clicking on a central theme yet for the new one. Good practice for the real world.
My advisor realized Friday morning at 7 am that she was preaching at noon. She had our Small group Worship and Advisee Meeting and kicked us out at 9:30 so she could complete the sermon in the half-hour beofre her next meeting. She showed up at noon Eucharist with something scribbled on two pages of yellow foolscap. It was brilliant. I wish...
Next Friday is PH's and my tenth anniversary. We're going away for Friday afternoon through Saturday night...such is the schedule flexibility of a Field Ed seminarian. I am so looking forward to a day and a half away with him, it doesn't matter that I've got to get ahead in my reading and writing to make it work. No school books or laptop are going with me.
Time for a cup of coffee..
I'm not.
The coffee is brewing, and I've just reviewed the lesson plan for the teens in my Sunday School class about money and what the Bible really says about it.
This is not a preaching week for me, but sermons are on my mind. Yesterday I finished my sermon For my next turn in the (virtual) pulpit, Oct 28th. I say virtual pulpit because we preach from the floor at Saint Middle School. I am already starting on the one next in the queue (November 25th, Christ the King Sunday, or Reformation Sunday for non-Episcopalian Protestants) for Homiletics class. Doing one sermon in class on the 10th and another on the 18th is a bit intense, and I'm not clicking on a central theme yet for the new one. Good practice for the real world.
My advisor realized Friday morning at 7 am that she was preaching at noon. She had our Small group Worship and Advisee Meeting and kicked us out at 9:30 so she could complete the sermon in the half-hour beofre her next meeting. She showed up at noon Eucharist with something scribbled on two pages of yellow foolscap. It was brilliant. I wish...
Next Friday is PH's and my tenth anniversary. We're going away for Friday afternoon through Saturday night...such is the schedule flexibility of a Field Ed seminarian. I am so looking forward to a day and a half away with him, it doesn't matter that I've got to get ahead in my reading and writing to make it work. No school books or laptop are going with me.
Time for a cup of coffee..
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Bp. Robinson Comes To Call
V. Gene Robinson, Bishop of New Hampshire, came to Big Old Seminary today to speak at a student forum. It is interesting to note that he was invited by students, not by the seminary as an institution.
I don't know if that makes me sad for the seminary or proud of my fellow students, or both.
It was a marvelous forum. He made clear at the beginning that his talk was not going to be focused on the issue of homosexuality in the church, and his being a lightning rod for all that discussion. He ended up talking about it a bit in Q&A, but talked a great deal more about Scripture and vocation and keeping our focus on Jesus and the work we all need to do on issues of justice (not just "love justice" but - as Micah says - "do justice").
He was honest about his own struggles with alcoholism, talking about the powerful theology he has often heard articulated at AA meetings, suggesting that perhaps our services should begin with people standing up and saying, "Hi, I'm Mibi, and I'm in need of Jesus in my life."
The tone was more reformed/evangelical than I expected, but somehow it all rang true.
Remarkably, despite all he has been through in recent years, he is a joyful, joy-filled person.
May I have some of that good grace, and may he be blessed in his work.
I don't know if that makes me sad for the seminary or proud of my fellow students, or both.
It was a marvelous forum. He made clear at the beginning that his talk was not going to be focused on the issue of homosexuality in the church, and his being a lightning rod for all that discussion. He ended up talking about it a bit in Q&A, but talked a great deal more about Scripture and vocation and keeping our focus on Jesus and the work we all need to do on issues of justice (not just "love justice" but - as Micah says - "do justice").
He was honest about his own struggles with alcoholism, talking about the powerful theology he has often heard articulated at AA meetings, suggesting that perhaps our services should begin with people standing up and saying, "Hi, I'm Mibi, and I'm in need of Jesus in my life."
The tone was more reformed/evangelical than I expected, but somehow it all rang true.
Remarkably, despite all he has been through in recent years, he is a joyful, joy-filled person.
May I have some of that good grace, and may he be blessed in his work.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Youch
Too long of a day, and I've got a freakin' headache.
We have bunches of alums at the seminary for alum convocation. They are dears, except for one or two who seem to be having bad days. One of these was prominent in Morning Prayer this morning for reading a nanosecond behind everyone else, loudly, and for making highly critical comments about the lectors, loudly. Could be general crabbiness, could be early stage Alzheimer's, could be anger at Gene Robinson's impending visit, which is prominently advertised around campus. Sort of took the glow off of a lovely Morning Prayer, though. I hope he feels better having gotten it out of his system.
A delight to see some old friends who've graduated.
This afternoon, we had Juan Williams, the NPR commentator, give a lecture on the portrayal of religious issues in the media. I would have adored this, except it was freezing cold in the auditorium, and I was sleepy. Yes, give me some cheese with that whine.
One of the good things about this is that we're getting much fancier food at lunchtime in the refectory (and white tablecloths). It also gives us a break from some of the regular classes, since we are encouraged to attend the lectures. We still had to muddle through the Church History small section, a short Systematics class, and Conversational Spanish. One of the profs is taking Spanish with us, and we both bemoan the fact that we tend to revert to Italian when we get nervous.
The downside is that there is virtually no quiet place to read or write on campus, so tonight may be a long reading night. I got a first draft of my next sermon for Homiletics and the Field Ed site done. I don't much like it right now, but that's what revisions are for.
I think I need to go to sleep early. I got up at 5:30 this morning to finish off Athanasius' "On the Incarnation." I'm whupped. Feeling every bit of my cincuenta y cinco anos ahora.
We have bunches of alums at the seminary for alum convocation. They are dears, except for one or two who seem to be having bad days. One of these was prominent in Morning Prayer this morning for reading a nanosecond behind everyone else, loudly, and for making highly critical comments about the lectors, loudly. Could be general crabbiness, could be early stage Alzheimer's, could be anger at Gene Robinson's impending visit, which is prominently advertised around campus. Sort of took the glow off of a lovely Morning Prayer, though. I hope he feels better having gotten it out of his system.
A delight to see some old friends who've graduated.
This afternoon, we had Juan Williams, the NPR commentator, give a lecture on the portrayal of religious issues in the media. I would have adored this, except it was freezing cold in the auditorium, and I was sleepy. Yes, give me some cheese with that whine.
One of the good things about this is that we're getting much fancier food at lunchtime in the refectory (and white tablecloths). It also gives us a break from some of the regular classes, since we are encouraged to attend the lectures. We still had to muddle through the Church History small section, a short Systematics class, and Conversational Spanish. One of the profs is taking Spanish with us, and we both bemoan the fact that we tend to revert to Italian when we get nervous.
The downside is that there is virtually no quiet place to read or write on campus, so tonight may be a long reading night. I got a first draft of my next sermon for Homiletics and the Field Ed site done. I don't much like it right now, but that's what revisions are for.
I think I need to go to sleep early. I got up at 5:30 this morning to finish off Athanasius' "On the Incarnation." I'm whupped. Feeling every bit of my cincuenta y cinco anos ahora.
Monday, October 01, 2007
Random Dots...
- Tonight was convocation dinner for Big Old Seminary's Classes of 1952 and 1957, who are here for their big reunions. Delightful folks.
- I was part of the entertainment - we sang some popular songs from those years. I excused myself to go home to do homework after the dinner, saying I had a date with Athanasius. One of my tablemates mused that they had not been required to read Athanasius when they were in seminary, just a description of his work and importance.
- They also weren't required to study a Biblical language.
- Is it wrong to be jealous of a bunch of guys in their 70's?
- Ah, well, it made me look like quite the scholar to them, bless them. And Athanasius ain't so bad...surprisingly, I actually get the whole logos thing and enjoy it immensely. I think I'm a closet Greek.
- Tomorrow we've got classes in the morning and early afternoon, then convocation lectures and such for the next two days. It will bollix up the schedule of classes something fierce, but somehow it's good to get a change of perspective for a couple of days.
- It's also good to see recent alums whom I know back on campus. The big alum celeb is newly elected Bishop Sean Rowe, who at 32 is the youngest of the Episcopal Bishops. Gee whiz, I'm old...I've got a kid older than that.
(For more about Sean, see here: http://www.episcopalchurch.org/81803_89964_ENG_HTM.htm)
Friday, September 28, 2007
My Friday Sabbath
- Going to small group worship. Friends, prayer, music, talk.
- Cleaning my house in anticipation of BFF and her husband coming to dinner. Not actually the WHOLE house, you know, just the main floor. No need to get all crazy or anything.
- Getting massive quantities of reading done and behind me for Homiletics class first thing Monday morning.
- Finishing my Homiletics homework, and reviewing my paper proposal for Systematics.
- Doing two loads of wash.
- Loading twenty more CDs on the Ipod.
- Going to the Delhi grocery store to get some stuff for our Indian dinner tonight. I love going to this store, which has clothing, food, Bollywood videos, Indian music, and Afghani soda pop. You don't need a visa to go there, just a Visa.
Believe it or not, this was pretty restful!
Friday Five: On Endings and Beginnings
On Endings and Goodbyes:
1. Best ending of a movie/book/TV - Ann Patchett's "Bel Canto." A grown-up ending to a beautiful book. Biblical bonus answer: The end of the Book of Revelation:
Revelation 22:18-21 18 I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: if anyone adds to them, God will add to that person the plagues described in this book; 19 if anyone takes away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God will take away that person's share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book. 20 The one who testifies to these things says, "Surely I am coming soon." Amen. Come, Lord Jesus! 21 The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all the saints. Amen. Now there's an author with cojones!
2. Worst ending of a movie/book/TV show: The ending to the Bob Newhart Show, where, after several years' storyline about Bob running a hotel in Vermont, he wakes up as if it were a dream in bed with Suzanne Pleshette, his wife in his prior series about being a shrink. C'mon. One of the wittiest men in comedy and this is the best you can come up with?
3. Tell about a memorable goodbye you’ve experienced. Saying goodbye to my mother the night she died. She had had a lovely dinner (her favorite pasta), sent me home from the hospital with a kiss, and rolled over to go to sleep. She quietly died in the night, as gentle a leave-taking as I can imagine.
4. Is it true that “all good things must come to an end”? Nah. On the other hand, I often comfort myself with "all bad things must come to an end."
5. “Everything I ever let go of has claw marks on it.” –Anne Lamott Discuss.
Not everything. Just a fifteen-year marriage, fifteen years ago, my belief that I was going to be President of the united States, or at least a US Senator, my hopes of a career in music...on the other hand, some stuff was really easy to let go of: my old house, my first wedding dress, half of my cookbooks when we moved.
Bonus: “It isn’t over until the fat lady sings.” I’ve never loved this expression. So propose an alternative: “It isn’t over until ____________________”
...until I say so. Not that I'm a control freak or anything.
1. Best ending of a movie/book/TV - Ann Patchett's "Bel Canto." A grown-up ending to a beautiful book. Biblical bonus answer: The end of the Book of Revelation:
Revelation 22:18-21 18 I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: if anyone adds to them, God will add to that person the plagues described in this book; 19 if anyone takes away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God will take away that person's share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book. 20 The one who testifies to these things says, "Surely I am coming soon." Amen. Come, Lord Jesus! 21 The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all the saints. Amen. Now there's an author with cojones!
2. Worst ending of a movie/book/TV show: The ending to the Bob Newhart Show, where, after several years' storyline about Bob running a hotel in Vermont, he wakes up as if it were a dream in bed with Suzanne Pleshette, his wife in his prior series about being a shrink. C'mon. One of the wittiest men in comedy and this is the best you can come up with?
3. Tell about a memorable goodbye you’ve experienced. Saying goodbye to my mother the night she died. She had had a lovely dinner (her favorite pasta), sent me home from the hospital with a kiss, and rolled over to go to sleep. She quietly died in the night, as gentle a leave-taking as I can imagine.
4. Is it true that “all good things must come to an end”? Nah. On the other hand, I often comfort myself with "all bad things must come to an end."
5. “Everything I ever let go of has claw marks on it.” –Anne Lamott Discuss.
Not everything. Just a fifteen-year marriage, fifteen years ago, my belief that I was going to be President of the united States, or at least a US Senator, my hopes of a career in music...on the other hand, some stuff was really easy to let go of: my old house, my first wedding dress, half of my cookbooks when we moved.
Bonus: “It isn’t over until the fat lady sings.” I’ve never loved this expression. So propose an alternative: “It isn’t over until ____________________”
...until I say so. Not that I'm a control freak or anything.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Thursday Nights Random Dots
- Friday is my sabbath - no classes, just small group worship, so Thursday night is bliss. Yes, I should do a bunch of reading for next week, but tonight will be a night of reading silly stuff, watching the season opener of Grey's Anatomy, and knitting socks.
- I finished my green sweater that had been lying fallow for about a month. It is downstairs, being blocked. It turned out okay. Not fabulous, but it will be a pretty and serviceable sweater.
- My BFF L is coming over with her husband M for dinner tomorrow night. Doing the happy dance. I'll make shrimp curry, saag paneer, paratha, and rice. L will bring a wonderful salad with fruit of some sort in it, and I think we'll have something simple for dessert, maybe shortbread and ice cream. Fun to do something other than reading and writing.
- Still putting loads of stuff on my IPod. It's my new addiction. I've even downloaded Spanish language podcasts to augment my Spanish class at Big Old Seminary.
- PH and I are celebrating our tenth anniversary next month. He is busy researching places we can go for a Fri-Sat weekend getaway... places, of course, that we can afford. Fun to be thinking of going for a little road trip somewhere. I'll have to get the schoolwork done ahead of that weekend. So be it.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Mini-Sermon on Luke 15:1-7
I've been thinking about border collies this week.
It was inevitable, given the recent gospel reading: the Good Shepherd. I've always loved the Parable of the Good Shepherd. I guess it's because I'm a sinner, and it is a source of both comfort and hope that when I stray, the Shepherd will always come after me.
So I heard the passage and I started thinking about border collies. I'd recently read Jon Katz's latest book, "Dog Days," about his sheep farm and the border collies he raises and trains to herd the sheep. He also has aa steer named Elvis and a little donkey named Jésus, among other creatures, but those are stories for another sermon on another day.
Border collies are magnificent, black and white balls of nonstop single-minded energy that round up the sheep and go find the lost ones. This is great for sheepherding, but these are not dogs for around children. They tend to herd the children. I my experience, kids don’t much like that.
After reading about the border collies, I wondered, "Why doesn't that Good Shepherd get Himself a good border collie to go after the lost ones? Then He wouldn't have to tromp all over the countryside in the cold and the rain in search of me when I go astray." I'm sure I'm not the only one who goes astray, so the Shepherd might get pretty tired. The hills are many. A dog would be a help.
Then it dawned on me, sitting in the chapel. I looked around. We're the border collies! All of us studying for ministry. We're Christ's border collies, helping Him to shepherd all the lost souls.
No, think about it: when we vest we wear black and white, and we need to be trained...
Just like the border collies, we need the firm hand of the Shepherd, because we could get too overexcited and nip at the sheep, or send them in the wrong direction. We might get a little lost, too, because border collies are, after all, only human. We need the Shepherd's guidance.
That got me thinking some more about the nature of border collies, and it reminded me of that movie that was so enchanting about a decade ago - "Babe." It was all about a runty little pig that aspired to herd sheep, just like the border collies who were his surrogate parents on his master's farm. The border collies thought the sheep were all pretty stupid, and they treated them pretty roughly to get the sheep to go where they belonged.
I'm not sure the Shepherd would want me to be that kind of helper. But Babe the pig approached the sheep differently, respectfully, politely. The sheep, once they got over the shock of this different treatment, responded by doing what the pig gently requested.
Perhaps we are called to assist the Good Shepherd in this way. Not by nipping, not by harshness, but by a loving, gentle, polite, respectful guiding voice, one that offers those we pastor the same hope of Good Shepherd’s insistent, loving care that we have been privileged to experience.
There are worse things to hope for as we answer the Shepherd's call.
It was inevitable, given the recent gospel reading: the Good Shepherd. I've always loved the Parable of the Good Shepherd. I guess it's because I'm a sinner, and it is a source of both comfort and hope that when I stray, the Shepherd will always come after me.
So I heard the passage and I started thinking about border collies. I'd recently read Jon Katz's latest book, "Dog Days," about his sheep farm and the border collies he raises and trains to herd the sheep. He also has aa steer named Elvis and a little donkey named Jésus, among other creatures, but those are stories for another sermon on another day.
Border collies are magnificent, black and white balls of nonstop single-minded energy that round up the sheep and go find the lost ones. This is great for sheepherding, but these are not dogs for around children. They tend to herd the children. I my experience, kids don’t much like that.
After reading about the border collies, I wondered, "Why doesn't that Good Shepherd get Himself a good border collie to go after the lost ones? Then He wouldn't have to tromp all over the countryside in the cold and the rain in search of me when I go astray." I'm sure I'm not the only one who goes astray, so the Shepherd might get pretty tired. The hills are many. A dog would be a help.
Then it dawned on me, sitting in the chapel. I looked around. We're the border collies! All of us studying for ministry. We're Christ's border collies, helping Him to shepherd all the lost souls.
No, think about it: when we vest we wear black and white, and we need to be trained...
Just like the border collies, we need the firm hand of the Shepherd, because we could get too overexcited and nip at the sheep, or send them in the wrong direction. We might get a little lost, too, because border collies are, after all, only human. We need the Shepherd's guidance.
That got me thinking some more about the nature of border collies, and it reminded me of that movie that was so enchanting about a decade ago - "Babe." It was all about a runty little pig that aspired to herd sheep, just like the border collies who were his surrogate parents on his master's farm. The border collies thought the sheep were all pretty stupid, and they treated them pretty roughly to get the sheep to go where they belonged.
I'm not sure the Shepherd would want me to be that kind of helper. But Babe the pig approached the sheep differently, respectfully, politely. The sheep, once they got over the shock of this different treatment, responded by doing what the pig gently requested.
Perhaps we are called to assist the Good Shepherd in this way. Not by nipping, not by harshness, but by a loving, gentle, polite, respectful guiding voice, one that offers those we pastor the same hope of Good Shepherd’s insistent, loving care that we have been privileged to experience.
There are worse things to hope for as we answer the Shepherd's call.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Prayer Request Again
A new one, and a sad and scary one. N is the mother of three kids aged 9, 12, and 15. Her husband B died last year after a long and miserable fight with stomach cancer. She is going in to the hospital for a biopsy for breast cancer tomorrow.
Aw, c'mon, God. There are better folks to smite than this poor woman...
Yeah, I know it's bad theology, but I'm not thinking particularly theologically about this one.
Please keep N in your prayers, friends. and go get your mammograms, RGBPs.
Aw, c'mon, God. There are better folks to smite than this poor woman...
Yeah, I know it's bad theology, but I'm not thinking particularly theologically about this one.
Please keep N in your prayers, friends. and go get your mammograms, RGBPs.
Quiet Day
Tomorrow is Quiet Day at the seminary. We begin the day with Eucharist and a meditation, then pray, read and rest in silence until an afternoon meditation.
The temptation is strong to use the time for schoolwork. There are so many things to do: commence reading for my Systematics paper, read for other classes, memorize my mini-sermon for Homiletics...you get the picture.
I was reading today, though, about the desert fathers and their contemplative practice. They used to weave baskets as they prayed, to keep their hands busy. I think I may knit in silence tomorrow. I've not had time to do much knitting since school started back up again, and I find it so very soothing. So maybe silence, knitting, a walk in God's good creation...the work will wait for another day.
And I think no Internet during Quiet Time, either. The "Committee in my Head," Jean Stairs' wonderful phrase, will be quieter without the intrusion of the Web.
Deo gratias.
The temptation is strong to use the time for schoolwork. There are so many things to do: commence reading for my Systematics paper, read for other classes, memorize my mini-sermon for Homiletics...you get the picture.
I was reading today, though, about the desert fathers and their contemplative practice. They used to weave baskets as they prayed, to keep their hands busy. I think I may knit in silence tomorrow. I've not had time to do much knitting since school started back up again, and I find it so very soothing. So maybe silence, knitting, a walk in God's good creation...the work will wait for another day.
And I think no Internet during Quiet Time, either. The "Committee in my Head," Jean Stairs' wonderful phrase, will be quieter without the intrusion of the Web.
Deo gratias.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Today's Sermon - The First at Saint Middle School
Luke 16:1-13 Then Jesus said to the disciples, "There was a rich man who had a manager, and charges were brought to him that this man was squandering his property. 2 So he summoned him and said to him, 'What is this that I hear about you? Give me an accounting of your management, because you cannot be my manager any longer.' 3 Then the manager said to himself, 'What will I do, now that my master is taking the position away from me? I am not strong enough to dig, and I am ashamed to beg. 4 I have decided what to do so that, when I am dismissed as manager, people may welcome me into their homes.' 5 So, summoning his master's debtors one by one, he asked the first, 'How much do you owe my master?' 6 He answered, 'A hundred jugs of olive oil.' He said to him, 'Take your bill, sit down quickly, and make it fifty.' 7 Then he asked another, 'And how much do you owe?' He replied, 'A hundred containers of wheat.' He said to him, 'Take your bill and make it eighty.' 8 And his master commended the dishonest manager because he had acted shrewdly; for the children of this age are more shrewd in dealing with their own generation than are the children of light. 9 And I tell you, make friends for yourselves by means of dishonest wealth so that when it is gone, they may welcome you into the eternal homes. 10 "Whoever is faithful in a very little is faithful also in much; and whoever is dishonest in a very little is dishonest also in much. 11 If then you have not been faithful with the dishonest wealth, who will entrust to you the true riches? 12 And if you have not been faithful with what belongs to another, who will give you what is your own? 13 No slave can serve two masters; for a slave will either hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth."
“Clean Up Your Mess”
First things first: a parable is not a fable.
You remember what a fable is, right? If you read any of Aesop’s Fables as a child, you know that a fable is a little story that teaches you the right way to behave. Whether it’s the story of the tortoise and the hare, or sour grapes, the one thing that’s always true with a fable is that you know exactly what the moral of the story is…and if you don’t, the writer always states the moral of the story at the end.
Not so with parables. Jesus is telling us a story to make a point – just like a fable – but often the moral is not exactly obvious. Sometimes we have to think hard to get Jesus’ point. So it is with this parable. It raises a lot more questions than it answers.
Why do you think Jesus would do this? Is He deliberately being vague and confusing? Or perhaps He wants us to think very hard about what is being said, to struggle to understand, so that once we figure it out for ourselves, we really own that hard-won bit of knowledge. Some parables feel like the whack of a 2x4 on the side of the head.
And so it may be for this parable, that of the dishonest servant.
What’s happening in the story? Let’s put it in modern-day terms. The Chief Operating Officer of the company hasn’t been managing the company too well, spending the company’s resources on the wrong things, not paying attention to the Accounts Receivable. You know the sort of things I’m talking about. The Chairman of the Board gets wind of the mismanagement and calls the COO in. “I’ve been hearing disturbing things about the way you’ve been running things. I’m going to call the auditors in, and if things are as bad as I hear, you’re fired.”
You can picture Donald Trump in the role of the Chairman of the Board, can’t you?
So the COO, in a tizzy, says to himself, “I’m in a world of trouble here. If the Chairman fires me, I can’t get another job. How could I show my face at the club if I took a lesser paying job?”
He gets an idea: he calls up the company’s debtors and cuts them a deal: he’ll discount what they owe if they keep him in mind and take care of him if things go south.
By the way, the phrase “cutting a deal” has ancient Biblical roots: the Hebrew phrase “kerath berith” means to make a contract, specifically, to cut a covenant. So cutting a deal is not just something we know from “The Apprentice.” It was well-known in Jesus’ day.
So he cuts these deals with the debtors, hoping that they’ll think kindly of him, that they’ll give him a soft landing, if the boss fires him. He thinks he’s cleaned up his mess.
Jesus tells the story, and then seemingly praises the COO for his shrewdness.
This is the point in the story where I start scratching my head. Is Jesus saying that cheating the boss for our own benefit is a good thing? That doesn’t sound like the Jesus I think I know. What is this about? It’s a 2x4 moment.
I go back to my original statement. This is a parable. A parable is not a fable. The moral isn’t quite so obvious. Let’s look at the larger picture of this parable, and see if we can figure out what’s going on here.
If we remember last week’s gospel, we heard two stories of lost and found. They were pretty straightforward, and Pastor Jeunee’s message – “Don’t get lost” talked about the ways that it’s easy for us to get lost, and how important it is for us to keep together with Christ if we want to be alright. These were also stories that talked about what is really valuable. That’s a hint.
So, too, in our gospel passage, Jesus’ explanation of the parable gives us a hint that the stories are related. It’s about what’s really valuable, and how we are to treat it.
"Whoever is faithful in a very little is faithful also in much; and whoever is dishonest in a very little is dishonest also in much. 11 If then you have not been faithful with the dishonest wealth, who will entrust to you the true riches? 12 And if you have not been faithful with what belongs to another, who will give you what is your own?
Jesus is reminding us of what is important when he talks about the true riches, the riches of heaven, the riches of being a faithful follower of Christ. He is reminding us of the importance of caring for what we have been given. In that age, and in our own, people tend to get overly focused on “the stuff”, whether it’s the right kind of car, or the right brand of jeans, or the number of bedrooms in our houses. We become so focused on the stuff of this world that we are distracted from the truly valuable: loving and caring for one another, even the least among us, being honorable in our dealings, working hard.
It’s easy to get distracted, so we get this 2x4 to get our attention. We get a story that seems the antithesis of what Jesus has taught us. But it isn’t really. In the end, Jesus explains it to us, in simple words that we all can understand: "No slave can serve two masters; for a slave will either hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth." But there are lessons to be learned from the world. How do we apply them to what is truly valuable?
We have a choice. We can cut a deal to cover ourselves for the bad times in this world. We can make sure we have a soft landing by cheating the boss. We can clean up our worldly messes in ways that are worldly ways. That’s certainly the smart thing to do when we measure ourselves in terms of success in the world isn’t it? How about another option: can we cut a deal that is a deal which recognizes the truly valuable? Can we clean up our messes in ways that Jesus would appreciate? Maybe it means that we can forgive those who have treated us badly. Maybe it means we can reach out a hand of fellowship to those with whom we have had a disagreement. Maybe it means we can offer help to those who need it, without expecting a sweetheart deal in return.
When I starting preaching this morning, I told you that first things first, a parable is not a fable. Now it’s time for last things last. Last things, last, parables are prisms, they aren’t a flat piece of glass. They may have more than one meaning, depending on your angle of view. I’ve laid out what this parable means to me, how I’ve tried to figure out what Jesus is saying to me through it. But parables are able to speak in many ways to us. We see what Jesus is saying to us as we need to hear it, mediated by that prism of grace. So I’m encouraging you to take this scripture passage home, put it under your pillow, think about it, pray about it. Let the light of God’s grace shine through that prism, illuminate those words for you. Hear what the Lord is saying to you, so you can learn all you really need to know from Jesus.
Amen.
“Clean Up Your Mess”
First things first: a parable is not a fable.
You remember what a fable is, right? If you read any of Aesop’s Fables as a child, you know that a fable is a little story that teaches you the right way to behave. Whether it’s the story of the tortoise and the hare, or sour grapes, the one thing that’s always true with a fable is that you know exactly what the moral of the story is…and if you don’t, the writer always states the moral of the story at the end.
Not so with parables. Jesus is telling us a story to make a point – just like a fable – but often the moral is not exactly obvious. Sometimes we have to think hard to get Jesus’ point. So it is with this parable. It raises a lot more questions than it answers.
Why do you think Jesus would do this? Is He deliberately being vague and confusing? Or perhaps He wants us to think very hard about what is being said, to struggle to understand, so that once we figure it out for ourselves, we really own that hard-won bit of knowledge. Some parables feel like the whack of a 2x4 on the side of the head.
And so it may be for this parable, that of the dishonest servant.
What’s happening in the story? Let’s put it in modern-day terms. The Chief Operating Officer of the company hasn’t been managing the company too well, spending the company’s resources on the wrong things, not paying attention to the Accounts Receivable. You know the sort of things I’m talking about. The Chairman of the Board gets wind of the mismanagement and calls the COO in. “I’ve been hearing disturbing things about the way you’ve been running things. I’m going to call the auditors in, and if things are as bad as I hear, you’re fired.”
You can picture Donald Trump in the role of the Chairman of the Board, can’t you?
So the COO, in a tizzy, says to himself, “I’m in a world of trouble here. If the Chairman fires me, I can’t get another job. How could I show my face at the club if I took a lesser paying job?”
He gets an idea: he calls up the company’s debtors and cuts them a deal: he’ll discount what they owe if they keep him in mind and take care of him if things go south.
By the way, the phrase “cutting a deal” has ancient Biblical roots: the Hebrew phrase “kerath berith” means to make a contract, specifically, to cut a covenant. So cutting a deal is not just something we know from “The Apprentice.” It was well-known in Jesus’ day.
So he cuts these deals with the debtors, hoping that they’ll think kindly of him, that they’ll give him a soft landing, if the boss fires him. He thinks he’s cleaned up his mess.
Jesus tells the story, and then seemingly praises the COO for his shrewdness.
This is the point in the story where I start scratching my head. Is Jesus saying that cheating the boss for our own benefit is a good thing? That doesn’t sound like the Jesus I think I know. What is this about? It’s a 2x4 moment.
I go back to my original statement. This is a parable. A parable is not a fable. The moral isn’t quite so obvious. Let’s look at the larger picture of this parable, and see if we can figure out what’s going on here.
If we remember last week’s gospel, we heard two stories of lost and found. They were pretty straightforward, and Pastor Jeunee’s message – “Don’t get lost” talked about the ways that it’s easy for us to get lost, and how important it is for us to keep together with Christ if we want to be alright. These were also stories that talked about what is really valuable. That’s a hint.
So, too, in our gospel passage, Jesus’ explanation of the parable gives us a hint that the stories are related. It’s about what’s really valuable, and how we are to treat it.
"Whoever is faithful in a very little is faithful also in much; and whoever is dishonest in a very little is dishonest also in much. 11 If then you have not been faithful with the dishonest wealth, who will entrust to you the true riches? 12 And if you have not been faithful with what belongs to another, who will give you what is your own?
Jesus is reminding us of what is important when he talks about the true riches, the riches of heaven, the riches of being a faithful follower of Christ. He is reminding us of the importance of caring for what we have been given. In that age, and in our own, people tend to get overly focused on “the stuff”, whether it’s the right kind of car, or the right brand of jeans, or the number of bedrooms in our houses. We become so focused on the stuff of this world that we are distracted from the truly valuable: loving and caring for one another, even the least among us, being honorable in our dealings, working hard.
It’s easy to get distracted, so we get this 2x4 to get our attention. We get a story that seems the antithesis of what Jesus has taught us. But it isn’t really. In the end, Jesus explains it to us, in simple words that we all can understand: "No slave can serve two masters; for a slave will either hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth." But there are lessons to be learned from the world. How do we apply them to what is truly valuable?
We have a choice. We can cut a deal to cover ourselves for the bad times in this world. We can make sure we have a soft landing by cheating the boss. We can clean up our worldly messes in ways that are worldly ways. That’s certainly the smart thing to do when we measure ourselves in terms of success in the world isn’t it? How about another option: can we cut a deal that is a deal which recognizes the truly valuable? Can we clean up our messes in ways that Jesus would appreciate? Maybe it means that we can forgive those who have treated us badly. Maybe it means we can reach out a hand of fellowship to those with whom we have had a disagreement. Maybe it means we can offer help to those who need it, without expecting a sweetheart deal in return.
When I starting preaching this morning, I told you that first things first, a parable is not a fable. Now it’s time for last things last. Last things, last, parables are prisms, they aren’t a flat piece of glass. They may have more than one meaning, depending on your angle of view. I’ve laid out what this parable means to me, how I’ve tried to figure out what Jesus is saying to me through it. But parables are able to speak in many ways to us. We see what Jesus is saying to us as we need to hear it, mediated by that prism of grace. So I’m encouraging you to take this scripture passage home, put it under your pillow, think about it, pray about it. Let the light of God’s grace shine through that prism, illuminate those words for you. Hear what the Lord is saying to you, so you can learn all you really need to know from Jesus.
Amen.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Prayers, Please
For the repose of the soul of Angel, the 15 year old AIDS patient with whom I developed a close friendship while doing CPE this summer. She died a few days ago. She was one of the bravest and brightest young women I've ever known, and was an extraordinary teacher to me. I was grateful to be able to be a safe person for her to talk to, and some comfort to her family.
Her favorite musician was Michael Jackson (!) and her favorite colors were pink and purple. She loved having "spa days" and getting manicures and pedicures. She wanted to be a journalist, and had a pile of personal journals that she had filled with her thoughts by her bed. Even when she was too sick for conversation, she always asked for a prayer, and the thing she always asked for was not healing, but to not be bored.
When I saw her last at the end of CPE, she was about 85 pounds and quite ill, but was hopeful she could go home and be home-schooled for her sophomore year of high school. Her chart made it clear to me what was ahead, but my prayer for her was that she might go home, at least for a little while. It didn't happen. She has gone to another home, a better one, and I am glad for her, even as I weep for her.
To the gates of Paradise
Lead your child home.
To your mercy seat
Lead your child home.
To the kingdom of heaven
Lead your child home.
To your true sanctuary
Lead your child home.
To the multitude of the blessed
Lead your child home.
To the fount of life
Lead your child home.
To the gates of pearl
Lead your child home.
To the ladder of angels
Lead your child home.
To the land of milk and honey
Lead your child home.
To the clouds of glory
Lead your child home.
To the refreshing stream
Lead your child home.
To the reward of the righteous
Lead your child home.
To the dwelling place of God
Lead your child home.
Amen.
Her favorite musician was Michael Jackson (!) and her favorite colors were pink and purple. She loved having "spa days" and getting manicures and pedicures. She wanted to be a journalist, and had a pile of personal journals that she had filled with her thoughts by her bed. Even when she was too sick for conversation, she always asked for a prayer, and the thing she always asked for was not healing, but to not be bored.
When I saw her last at the end of CPE, she was about 85 pounds and quite ill, but was hopeful she could go home and be home-schooled for her sophomore year of high school. Her chart made it clear to me what was ahead, but my prayer for her was that she might go home, at least for a little while. It didn't happen. She has gone to another home, a better one, and I am glad for her, even as I weep for her.
To the gates of Paradise
Lead your child home.
To your mercy seat
Lead your child home.
To the kingdom of heaven
Lead your child home.
To your true sanctuary
Lead your child home.
To the multitude of the blessed
Lead your child home.
To the fount of life
Lead your child home.
To the gates of pearl
Lead your child home.
To the ladder of angels
Lead your child home.
To the land of milk and honey
Lead your child home.
To the clouds of glory
Lead your child home.
To the refreshing stream
Lead your child home.
To the reward of the righteous
Lead your child home.
To the dwelling place of God
Lead your child home.
Amen.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Too Much To Do
...and I've got a bad back. In the interest of getting some healthful exercise, I went to yoga class. I forgot that I hadn't done yoga in almost two years, and did too much. So I woke up this morning in utter misery, for a day that stretched from chapel at 8 am to a vestry meeting at 7 pm. I am on the couch with a hot pad on my back, about to take a muscle relaxer.
There's a hundred pages of Pastoral Theology to read for tomorrow afternoon's class, I've got a paper for Church History to complete by Monday noon, and a proposal for a Systematics paper due shortly thereafter. Heaven help us.
Time to take some meds. BBL.
There's a hundred pages of Pastoral Theology to read for tomorrow afternoon's class, I've got a paper for Church History to complete by Monday noon, and a proposal for a Systematics paper due shortly thereafter. Heaven help us.
Time to take some meds. BBL.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Saturday Random Dots
- Saturday is full of dots - the bullet points on my to-do list.
- I did go to the Farmer's Market this morning with PH (he didn't ride a gazillion miles on his bicycle for change) and get the last sweet corn of the season, the last peaches of the season, the first apples of the season, the first winter squash of the season, and fresh-made mozzarella. Buying local feels good and tastes good.
- Of course, we had the corn for dinner this evening with shrimp that probably came from Vietnam. So much for buying local.
- Icon-writing today was fun. Saint Matthew is almost done, maybe one or two more sessions and he'll be done. An angel is next in the queue (an eventual present for my Field Ed church). we did some work on finishing an icon of Saint Gabriel that was started by a dear friend who died recently, much too soon, of pancreatic cancer. We are not finishing the face and hands, which were a few layers short of completion, so the personality of the angel is what came from my friend's hands. I did the lettering of the name of the angel, another friend did the gold overlay on the wings and the robe, and our teacher corrected our mistakes. Plus ca change, plus ca meme chose. We've got to do the halo and the border, then the teacher will varnish it and we can give it to the family of our friend. The teacher was very chatty, for some reason, which was delightful, except going from Russian to English doesn't always make for the most coherent sentences, and we have to work hard to understand each other.
- I prepped for the senior high Sunday school at Saint Middle School for tomorrow. Nervous, because the kids are really a mixed bag, but I like the curriculum (Holy Hogwash - what people think the Bible says vs what it REALLY says) and we'll be talking about whether Christians are allowed to be angry.
- One more week until I preach. PH is preaching tomorrow at another church, but I don't get to hear him, because of Field Ed. The following week I preach, and he will come. Yay! I need his support and wise critique.
- Not enough time to do all the reading for Monday's classes. Again, plus ca change, plus ca meme chose. I'll get enough read so I don't embarrass myself unduly.
- Antiwar demonstration and liturgy across from the White House tomorrow evening. A few of us from the seminary are going there tomorrow for it. Almost forty years ago, I did the same sort of thing when the Vietnam War was at its height. Sad that we have to do it again.
- Assorted little paperwork chores. Gack. Middler evaluations, field ed work-learning agreement, stuff and more stuff. Bad enough to have papers coming at me quickly, without this kind of busywork. Of course, here I am blogging instead of doing it, so I suppose I should hush now.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Friday Five: Meetings Meetings
1. What’s your view of meetings? Choose one or more, or make up your own:a) When they’re good, they’re good. I love the feeling of people working well together on a common goal.b) I don’t seek them out, but I recognize them as a necessary part of life.c) The only good meeting is a canceled meeting.
Like my pal RM, I've been a part of all three, but agree that a and b are my most frequent feelings about meetings.
2. Do you like some amount of community building or conversation, or are you all business?
Depends upon the meeting. If it is a church-related meeting, I like some Bible study at the beginning. Some casual banter at the beginning is nice, but I don't like it to go on for too long. It's hard enough to meet time deadlines without extended socializing. Sometimes I'll have some goodies there "for conversation time when we've wrapped up." Not too Macchiavellian, are I?
3. How do you feel about leading meetings? Share any particular strengths or weaknesses you have in this area.
I'm fine with leading meetings. I'm big on agendas. In the past, I told employees if they couldn't express the idea in a couple of minutes, they hadn't thought about it long enough - I'd then ask them to wait until they could keep it to two minutes. I can't do that quite so harshly anymore...but I do like to move things along (in a pastoral way, of course!) I'm sure some folks find me too directive in meetings, and they're probably right.
4. Have you ever participated in a virtual meeting? (conference call, IM, chat, etc.) What do you think of this format?
In my past life, I sat in on a zillion conference calls. During those conference calls, I also got a lot of other ditzy paperwork chores done (and I must admit I occasionally played a game of solitaire.) Given the time and money of meet-ups, particularly when you're part of an across-the-country organization, it makes a lot of sense, and I do like the idea of meeting in my jammies, but I don't concentrate quite as hard as when I'm in the room.
5. Share a story of a memorable meeting you attended.
Presided over an extraordinarily difficult meeting when I was Senior Warden (senior lay person) and our pastor was being attacked by a small group of members. Nobody survived that meeting without wounds. Nevertheless, it was necessary to bring the accusations out into the open, where they could be addressed and put into proper perspective, and ultimately dismissed. Never fun to lance a boil, is it? But it's better than letting it fester.
Like my pal RM, I've been a part of all three, but agree that a and b are my most frequent feelings about meetings.
2. Do you like some amount of community building or conversation, or are you all business?
Depends upon the meeting. If it is a church-related meeting, I like some Bible study at the beginning. Some casual banter at the beginning is nice, but I don't like it to go on for too long. It's hard enough to meet time deadlines without extended socializing. Sometimes I'll have some goodies there "for conversation time when we've wrapped up." Not too Macchiavellian, are I?
3. How do you feel about leading meetings? Share any particular strengths or weaknesses you have in this area.
I'm fine with leading meetings. I'm big on agendas. In the past, I told employees if they couldn't express the idea in a couple of minutes, they hadn't thought about it long enough - I'd then ask them to wait until they could keep it to two minutes. I can't do that quite so harshly anymore...but I do like to move things along (in a pastoral way, of course!) I'm sure some folks find me too directive in meetings, and they're probably right.
4. Have you ever participated in a virtual meeting? (conference call, IM, chat, etc.) What do you think of this format?
In my past life, I sat in on a zillion conference calls. During those conference calls, I also got a lot of other ditzy paperwork chores done (and I must admit I occasionally played a game of solitaire.) Given the time and money of meet-ups, particularly when you're part of an across-the-country organization, it makes a lot of sense, and I do like the idea of meeting in my jammies, but I don't concentrate quite as hard as when I'm in the room.
5. Share a story of a memorable meeting you attended.
Presided over an extraordinarily difficult meeting when I was Senior Warden (senior lay person) and our pastor was being attacked by a small group of members. Nobody survived that meeting without wounds. Nevertheless, it was necessary to bring the accusations out into the open, where they could be addressed and put into proper perspective, and ultimately dismissed. Never fun to lance a boil, is it? But it's better than letting it fester.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
I'm Running As Fast As I Can
...but I'm still not into the rhythm of this semester yet. The reading isn't any more intense than last year, the writing assignments are eminently manageable, but I'm still feeling like I'm mentally limping all the time.
The surprise of the semester thus far is how much I love Systematics. It may be the incredible lectures by our prof, who goes for 90 minutes without notes or a break. It may be stretching my brain in new ways. The readings are dense, but the lectures and the thought processes are pure bliss. I don't understand how the pieces fit together yet. I hope that will come with time. We shall see.
Church History also continues to delight me. The readings there aren't bad at all. I think I will write my first paper on the maternal warrior imagery in the Martyrdom of Perpetua, and how it harks back to Greco-Roman mythology. Or not. We shall see about that one, too.
I've got to spend an hour and a half in mutual interviews with another classmate in my Pastoral Care through Contemplative Listening class tomorrow. Then I've got to write a spiritual autobiography...I've done several of these as part of my discernment process. I do't know if anything radically new will come out after the interview but...we shall see.
Tomorrow I'm leading small group worship with my advisee group at my advisor's house. I've crafted something from the Iona Community's worship book, with music from Hymns of the Earth by Malcolm Dalglish. It will definitely be different. I expect the advisor and a couple of the students will like it, a couple will not, and a couple will just not get it. We shall see.
At some point, this semester will start to feel semi- in control. I wish that time would come sooner rather than later. The comforting thing is that several of my classmates report the same feeling of disjointedness. Interestingly, it is we mature students who report this. My ego would say that this is because we appreciate the experience more and want to do well, as opposed to the younger ones who take it for granted, but that would be pretty mean-spirited of me, and I am really trying to tone down the snarky factor this year. Will I be successful?
We shall see.
The surprise of the semester thus far is how much I love Systematics. It may be the incredible lectures by our prof, who goes for 90 minutes without notes or a break. It may be stretching my brain in new ways. The readings are dense, but the lectures and the thought processes are pure bliss. I don't understand how the pieces fit together yet. I hope that will come with time. We shall see.
Church History also continues to delight me. The readings there aren't bad at all. I think I will write my first paper on the maternal warrior imagery in the Martyrdom of Perpetua, and how it harks back to Greco-Roman mythology. Or not. We shall see about that one, too.
I've got to spend an hour and a half in mutual interviews with another classmate in my Pastoral Care through Contemplative Listening class tomorrow. Then I've got to write a spiritual autobiography...I've done several of these as part of my discernment process. I do't know if anything radically new will come out after the interview but...we shall see.
Tomorrow I'm leading small group worship with my advisee group at my advisor's house. I've crafted something from the Iona Community's worship book, with music from Hymns of the Earth by Malcolm Dalglish. It will definitely be different. I expect the advisor and a couple of the students will like it, a couple will not, and a couple will just not get it. We shall see.
At some point, this semester will start to feel semi- in control. I wish that time would come sooner rather than later. The comforting thing is that several of my classmates report the same feeling of disjointedness. Interestingly, it is we mature students who report this. My ego would say that this is because we appreciate the experience more and want to do well, as opposed to the younger ones who take it for granted, but that would be pretty mean-spirited of me, and I am really trying to tone down the snarky factor this year. Will I be successful?
We shall see.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Another Day, Another Pile of . . . Confusion
It was a mixed-blessing kind of day. Started off with Homiletics, and gave my little three-minute sermon on Ps 139. It was very well-received, although as I was preaching, I could think of five other things I wished I had done with it. Afterwards I went to the library to work on my sermon for a week from Sunday (Luke 16:1-13) and got most of a first draft done. It's got some good stuff in it, but it turns to thin gruel at the end. Come, Holy Spirit, come!
We had our first Seminary Choir practice today. I was the only soprano. Sheesh! Gotta recruit some others.
Church History was a gas; this prof's lectures are so well-constructed, I want to weep. If someone had told me I'd adore Church History, I'd say never. So glad I got to be in his last semester of teaching before he goes to be a parish priest. Tomorrow is small-group section for the class, and I'm jazzed about it.
My Pastoral Care through Contemplative Listening Class was also wonderful today. I went into it late in the afternoon feeling tired and unenthusiastic, and we started with centering prayer and then went into some interesting practica and a great lecture. Got my juices going again.
I had grand plans to go to yoga this afternoon, but a friend needed a jump-start and I was running late, so after the car adventure I just came home and spent two hours being frustrated by the office computer. That, of course, cut into my Systematics reading time.
Systematics is still a dark alleyway for me. I'm generally getting the drift of the readings, because the prof groups them in a very logical way that illumines their common themes, but I can't say I feel any sense of mastery of the material. It may come. It may not. I just hope it doesn't come in an utterly wrong or heretical way...
I must confess me of my sins.
When the reading in Systematics gets me too bumfuzzled, I play a game of Solitaire on the computer.
It's either that or more chocolate. Solitaire seems the healthier choice.
We had our first Seminary Choir practice today. I was the only soprano. Sheesh! Gotta recruit some others.
Church History was a gas; this prof's lectures are so well-constructed, I want to weep. If someone had told me I'd adore Church History, I'd say never. So glad I got to be in his last semester of teaching before he goes to be a parish priest. Tomorrow is small-group section for the class, and I'm jazzed about it.
My Pastoral Care through Contemplative Listening Class was also wonderful today. I went into it late in the afternoon feeling tired and unenthusiastic, and we started with centering prayer and then went into some interesting practica and a great lecture. Got my juices going again.
I had grand plans to go to yoga this afternoon, but a friend needed a jump-start and I was running late, so after the car adventure I just came home and spent two hours being frustrated by the office computer. That, of course, cut into my Systematics reading time.
Systematics is still a dark alleyway for me. I'm generally getting the drift of the readings, because the prof groups them in a very logical way that illumines their common themes, but I can't say I feel any sense of mastery of the material. It may come. It may not. I just hope it doesn't come in an utterly wrong or heretical way...
I must confess me of my sins.
When the reading in Systematics gets me too bumfuzzled, I play a game of Solitaire on the computer.
It's either that or more chocolate. Solitaire seems the healthier choice.
Sunday, September 09, 2007
First Sunday
Today was my first day at my Field Ed site, Saint Middle School. It's a mission of a much larger old church and our services are held at a middle school (thus the name). I served as Lay Eucharistic Minister, and after the service I taught Senior High Sunday School (very stressful for me, as teaching kids is not a natural gift and I worried - it turned out okay, though). Then I went with the Middle School and Senior High kids to bowling.
Saint Middle School is 38 miles from home, so I had almost an hour's drive in each direction. I came home, PH cooked us omelets (he is a prince) and I promptly fell asleep for an hour and a half. One of the downsides of MS is periods of extreme fatigue, and it definitely hit me this afternoon.
So now I'm up again, finishing up my reading for tomorrow's classes, getting ready to fix dinner, trying to get everything done in time to watch the Inspector Lynley Mystery on PBS at 9.
Trying to schedule everything now that I'm working on Sundays is going to be a bear. I got up at 6 this morning to run a couple of loads of wash before I left for church. Thank goodness I only care a little bit about the condition of the house!
Saint Middle School is 38 miles from home, so I had almost an hour's drive in each direction. I came home, PH cooked us omelets (he is a prince) and I promptly fell asleep for an hour and a half. One of the downsides of MS is periods of extreme fatigue, and it definitely hit me this afternoon.
So now I'm up again, finishing up my reading for tomorrow's classes, getting ready to fix dinner, trying to get everything done in time to watch the Inspector Lynley Mystery on PBS at 9.
Trying to schedule everything now that I'm working on Sundays is going to be a bear. I got up at 6 this morning to run a couple of loads of wash before I left for church. Thank goodness I only care a little bit about the condition of the house!
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Back to School
We started today, with many administrative things plus one class. We also had a debriefing/spiritual reflection on CPE, which was more helpful than I expected.
Our prof for Systematics is in Europe giving a paper on Barth (her specialty), so our new dean gave us our first lecture. He's a very entertaining and challenging lecturer. I'm going to make sure I can take a course with him before I'm done with seminary.
It's good to be back amongst friends. We seem to have crossed some sort of boundary this summer. People are more caring and genuinely interested in each other.
It's also good to be back amongst my co-religionists. I can do the ecumenical thing, and I respect and appreciate the richness of other traditions, but this place and these traditions are the ones that I cherish. Having Morning Prayer this morning and Compline at the end of the day was such joy.
A week from now, when I'm bogged down with readings and the sermons I need to write, I may feel less blissful, but for now I'm enjoying it tremendously.
Our prof for Systematics is in Europe giving a paper on Barth (her specialty), so our new dean gave us our first lecture. He's a very entertaining and challenging lecturer. I'm going to make sure I can take a course with him before I'm done with seminary.
It's good to be back amongst friends. We seem to have crossed some sort of boundary this summer. People are more caring and genuinely interested in each other.
It's also good to be back amongst my co-religionists. I can do the ecumenical thing, and I respect and appreciate the richness of other traditions, but this place and these traditions are the ones that I cherish. Having Morning Prayer this morning and Compline at the end of the day was such joy.
A week from now, when I'm bogged down with readings and the sermons I need to write, I may feel less blissful, but for now I'm enjoying it tremendously.
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Home from New England
PH and I had a lovely visit to New England, where we visited with my stepson and his wife and the grandchildren, Princess (who just turned five) and Petit Prince (he who was just born a couple of weeks ago). A pleasant surprise on Saturday afternoon was the arrival of stepson#2 and his two boys, my grandsons Cowboy (4 years old) and Smiling Lad (16 months). It was a wonderful visit on many levels, not the least of which was some great adult conversation with the stepsons, whom I raised from the ages of 7 and 11. They are marvelous human beings and I'm so proud to have been a part of their lives, and that I continue to be a part of their lives even though I haven't been married to their father for many years.
Herewith, some pictures. Above, me with Petit Prince.
Smiling Lad with his dad, stepson #2
The Princess and her cousin Cowboy and their "band."
At right, Princess and her brother Petit Prince, who is modeling his Elizabeth Zimmerman Surprise Jacket and cap, which his GrandMary made for him. He has already almost outgrown it. At least the hat will fit for a bit longer.
And here's the whole clan avec moi.
Being GrandMary is the best!Friday, August 31, 2007
Friday Five: Seasonal Edition
Friday 5: Seasons Change
I'm recovering from my morning painting the commuter lounge in seminary by doing the Friday Five. The questions are brought to us from RevGalBlogPals by Reverendmother.
1. Share a highlight from this summer. (If you please, don't just say "our vacation to the Canadian Rockies." Give us a little detail or image. Help us live vicariously through you!)
Driving through Rocky Mountain National Park in Colorado with PH.
2. Are you glad to see this summer end? Why or why not?
Two reasons: CPE is done, and as much as I loved it, it was exhausting. School is starting again, and I really missed it. (Remind me of this when I start complaining about the workload in a couple of months.)
3. Name one or two things you're looking forward to this fall.
My classes and beginning Field Ed with a great supervisor. Restarting choir is next on the list.
4. Do you have any special preparations or activities to mark the transition from one season to another? (Cleaning of house, putting away summer clothes, one last trip to the beach)
Doing a de-cluttering of last season's school stuff (see below). Buying another batch of books for classes.
5. I'll know that fall is really here when we take out the sweaters and the Danskos and put away the t-shirts and the crocs.
I'm recovering from my morning painting the commuter lounge in seminary by doing the Friday Five. The questions are brought to us from RevGalBlogPals by Reverendmother.
1. Share a highlight from this summer. (If you please, don't just say "our vacation to the Canadian Rockies." Give us a little detail or image. Help us live vicariously through you!)
Driving through Rocky Mountain National Park in Colorado with PH.
2. Are you glad to see this summer end? Why or why not?
Two reasons: CPE is done, and as much as I loved it, it was exhausting. School is starting again, and I really missed it. (Remind me of this when I start complaining about the workload in a couple of months.)
3. Name one or two things you're looking forward to this fall.
My classes and beginning Field Ed with a great supervisor. Restarting choir is next on the list.
4. Do you have any special preparations or activities to mark the transition from one season to another? (Cleaning of house, putting away summer clothes, one last trip to the beach)
Doing a de-cluttering of last season's school stuff (see below). Buying another batch of books for classes.
5. I'll know that fall is really here when we take out the sweaters and the Danskos and put away the t-shirts and the crocs.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Shred-Happy
In a vain attempt to get organized before school starts next week, I performed massive paper-pile dissection and shredding today. I haven't gotten to the bookshelves yet to sort the tomes, but I think it's time for a break. There is now room in my file drawer for all my papers for this semester's classes, the desk is down to a small, manageable pile of stuff to finish off (much wood now shows), and I found a few things I'd long ago forgotten about.
Back when I worked in an office downtown in Gucci Gulch, all my business and personal paperwork was better organized. More file drawers, more time in the day to sort such things. Part of this big purge of paper is to keep the home office (which I share with PH) a bit neater, part of it is being able to find the things I need quickly, but another part of it is stripping down to the essentials. I have a tendency to accumulate random interesting pieces of paper, and then they get lost in the morass of my office. It feels good to toss a bunch of useless stuff.
One thing I've learned from PH, though, is to save the things related to sermon ideas by Scripture passage, so when the passage comes up in the lectionary, I can easily find the ideas or poems or stories efficiently. I also am now saving my sermons organized by Scripture passage as well. If anyone else has any bright ideas about taming the paper beast (yes, RM, I'm looking at the David Allen book), please share!
Of course, two weeks into the new school year, the pile may once again overwhelm me.
Back when I worked in an office downtown in Gucci Gulch, all my business and personal paperwork was better organized. More file drawers, more time in the day to sort such things. Part of this big purge of paper is to keep the home office (which I share with PH) a bit neater, part of it is being able to find the things I need quickly, but another part of it is stripping down to the essentials. I have a tendency to accumulate random interesting pieces of paper, and then they get lost in the morass of my office. It feels good to toss a bunch of useless stuff.
One thing I've learned from PH, though, is to save the things related to sermon ideas by Scripture passage, so when the passage comes up in the lectionary, I can easily find the ideas or poems or stories efficiently. I also am now saving my sermons organized by Scripture passage as well. If anyone else has any bright ideas about taming the paper beast (yes, RM, I'm looking at the David Allen book), please share!
Of course, two weeks into the new school year, the pile may once again overwhelm me.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Grateful
...for everything and nothing, for all the little things and a few really big things.
We middlers did an orientation session for the incoming class. They've been in intensive biblical language classes for three weeks and look shell-shocked. I remember that feeling well. I am very glad to be past that point in my seminary life, so I'm grateful for a year under my belt.
I went for a haircut today with the incomparable Lucien, who always says I look beautiful in his wonderful Parisian accent, and has forgiven me for no longer dying my hair. He also is giving me a student discount while I'm in seminary, and when we're done with the haircut, he gives me a hug and says "I'm so proud of you!" I'm grateful for people who have supported me in this journey in all sorts of ways.
Before I went for the haircut, I had a little time to kill, so I went into Balducci's, the Cathedral of Saint John the Divine of the food world. Much to my pleasure, I found they had two jars of the Tiptree "Little Scarlet" strawberry jam. This jam is made in very limited quantities (see this article about its scarcity: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A20046-2004Sep14.html ) and is sublime. I'm grateful I not only found it, but I could afford this little luxury.
Earlier in the afternoon, I spent a few hours in the Center for the Ministry of Teaching looking at curricula for my teens at my Field Ed site, now known as Saint Middle School, in honor of the place where it meets. I found an awesome one (Generation Why?)and I'm hoping our vicar will okay it. I'm grateful that I didn't have to create one from scratch, and that I found one that doesn't sound like it was written in 1908.
I was exhausted when I got home - the downside of MS in hot weather - so I stretched out on the couch and took a nap. Grateful for the couch, the air-conditioning and the roof over my head.
I got up and made supper and afterward, PH took me out for a little dish of frozen custard. (http://www.thedairygodmother.com/). As grateful as I was for good dinner and the sublime custard, I was most grateful for PH, who not only bought us a new garbage can today (odd things please me, I know) but took me for the custard without saying, "Gee, I thought you were on a diet...", knowing that I really, really needed a dish of frozen custard this evening.
God is good.
We middlers did an orientation session for the incoming class. They've been in intensive biblical language classes for three weeks and look shell-shocked. I remember that feeling well. I am very glad to be past that point in my seminary life, so I'm grateful for a year under my belt.
I went for a haircut today with the incomparable Lucien, who always says I look beautiful in his wonderful Parisian accent, and has forgiven me for no longer dying my hair. He also is giving me a student discount while I'm in seminary, and when we're done with the haircut, he gives me a hug and says "I'm so proud of you!" I'm grateful for people who have supported me in this journey in all sorts of ways.
Before I went for the haircut, I had a little time to kill, so I went into Balducci's, the Cathedral of Saint John the Divine of the food world. Much to my pleasure, I found they had two jars of the Tiptree "Little Scarlet" strawberry jam. This jam is made in very limited quantities (see this article about its scarcity: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A20046-2004Sep14.html ) and is sublime. I'm grateful I not only found it, but I could afford this little luxury.
Earlier in the afternoon, I spent a few hours in the Center for the Ministry of Teaching looking at curricula for my teens at my Field Ed site, now known as Saint Middle School, in honor of the place where it meets. I found an awesome one (Generation Why?)and I'm hoping our vicar will okay it. I'm grateful that I didn't have to create one from scratch, and that I found one that doesn't sound like it was written in 1908.
I was exhausted when I got home - the downside of MS in hot weather - so I stretched out on the couch and took a nap. Grateful for the couch, the air-conditioning and the roof over my head.
I got up and made supper and afterward, PH took me out for a little dish of frozen custard. (http://www.thedairygodmother.com/). As grateful as I was for good dinner and the sublime custard, I was most grateful for PH, who not only bought us a new garbage can today (odd things please me, I know) but took me for the custard without saying, "Gee, I thought you were on a diet...", knowing that I really, really needed a dish of frozen custard this evening.
God is good.
Monday, August 27, 2007
To SO
A great heart sometimes suffers great pain. You asked me why you feel so deeply. I don't know. All I know is that you have a great heart. Don't shut it down so you don't feel the pain. It is too important to feel deeply.
You have many gifts. You will figure this problem out. One foot in front of the other, slowly. It will not feel good, but it will feel better than no feeling at all, than things remaining the same.
I wish I could hug away the pain and kiss away the doubts, and make a list of things for you to do to get past this time.
I can't. You must write your own list, and heal your own pain. You must love yourself and do what is right for yourself, in your own time.
I love you. God loves you. All will (eventually) be well.
You have many gifts. You will figure this problem out. One foot in front of the other, slowly. It will not feel good, but it will feel better than no feeling at all, than things remaining the same.
I wish I could hug away the pain and kiss away the doubts, and make a list of things for you to do to get past this time.
I can't. You must write your own list, and heal your own pain. You must love yourself and do what is right for yourself, in your own time.
I love you. God loves you. All will (eventually) be well.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Random Dots of Sunday
- I finally got around to cleaning off my desk this afternoon. It was covered with detritus (receipts, thing needing filing, catalogs, assorted nonsense) from last semester and from CPE. I can now see wood. We shall see how long this lasts. I usually do my studying and other schoolwork on the living room sofa, anyway, but it's nice that for a little while, my desk looks almost as neat as PH's, with which it shares a room. I still have the computer and such from the bank work, (I'm a lobbyist for a large bank on a part-time basis) and when that work ends in mid-December (hallelujah!), the bank computer and monitor and printer goes away, making considerably more room. Room, of course, for me to collect more detritus. So it goes.
- PH is helping one of his buddies - the one who did yeoman work helping us finish our basement last summer - tear off an exterior wall to his house. Don't ask. You know there are some men who love these big projects, despite the fact that they can afford to have a pro do the work much more efficiently, because they want to say they did it themselves, truly believe they do a better job than the pros, want to save a few bucks, and love the excuse to go buy stuff at the Big Box Home Improvement Store. There are worse ways to spend a Sunday afternoon, but since it's quite hot here in Your Nation's Capital, I'd much prefer to sit inside the air-conditioned house and knit. My vices are limited to the yarn store and the discount shoe place these days, anyway.
- I finished the Elizabeth Zimmerman Baby Surprise Jacket for grandbaby Ben (whom I will see next weekend) along with a matching hat. I used a self-striping sock yarn, so it's varying stripes of light and dark blue. Very cool. Hopefully, the weather will cool down so he can wear it before he outgrows it. I'm working on a white cable sweater for my classmate C's baby (he and R are expecting the little one in two weeks); it probably won't be done in time, but I think they won't mind. Feels good to be doing stuff with my hands.
- I'll be going to Morning Prayer every morning this week to get back into the schedule of the seminary, although classes don't start for another week. I love going to Morning Prayer. The week has filled up with all sorts of appointments and meetings. Debating whether to get the bifocal contact lenses, or just to get an updated prescription for bifocal eyeglasses. I much prefer how I look without glasses, but my wallet prefers glasses to contacts. Ah, well.
- My dear in-laws are contributing to my Stole Fund as their birthday gift to me - when I graduate, I will need liturgical stoles. A lovely gift, and one that I will really use and not feel guilty about.
- Okay, here's the recipe of the day. In this part of the world, we have many Central American immigrants, and their food is fantastic. There are all these rotisserie chicken joints, and the chicken is awesome. It's marinated in lime juice, garlic, and lots of pepper, then rotisseried. We don't have a rotisserie, but we figured it would grill well. I had picked up a couple of bone-in organic chicken breasts on sale, put them in a ziplock bag with freshly squeezed lime juice, some chopped garlic - all right, a lot of chopped garlic - and mucho pepper, as well as some olive oil. Let them marinate for about 90 minutes. PH fired up the grill, threw some salt on them, and grilled them until done. I wish I had doubled the recipe, because these babies were tasty - I would have loved the leftovers. I'm trying that recipe again, maybe throwing in a little Spanish smoked paprika next time. Yum.
- This will be my year to have all the family at my house for Thanksgiving. I'm trying to figure out how that will work with Field Ed etc. I guess (gulp!) I'll have to ask for help from the family instead of doing it all myself. What a radical concept!
- I'm calling the chaplain at nearby Big Hospital to ask to do some PRN chaplain work this year (yes, in my vast spare time) so I can earn a few dollars and get more experience with adults, after a summer with kids. This chaplain is the ex-spouse of one of my supervisors at the children's hospital where I worked all summer. Small world.
- The beef stew is ready, so I think I'll wander off. Tonight's a new Inspector Lynley Mystery on PBS. Life is good.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Small World...Biblical Hebrew Joke
So we were having dinner with friends. Among the guests were a female pastor and an American missionary from Congo, where PH grew up. He, of course, can speak French and Lingala, the trade language of the region, and could converse with the female pastor, who spoke some English but was more comfortable in Lingala and French. I could understand most of the French, but my spoken French is pretty rusty. She found out I had studied Hebrew in seminary, and said (in Lingala) that she had studied Hebrew in seminary in Kinshasa, but couldn't say she was really good at it. She then looked across the table, this delightful woman whom I had barely understood up until that point, stared me in the eyes, and said...
"Dagesh Forte!"
At the risk of making a funny moment unfunny by explaining it, this is a doubling of a Hebrew letter to make it stronger. In English-speaking Hebrew classes, we call it strong dagesh. She told me it was the only thing she remembered from her Hebrew studies.
We both burst out laughing hysterically, the only ones (besides PH) who got it.
Never thought I'd be referencing Biblical Hebrew with a Francophone Congolese woman pastor in our Nation's Capital.
It is a small world, indeed.
"Dagesh Forte!"
At the risk of making a funny moment unfunny by explaining it, this is a doubling of a Hebrew letter to make it stronger. In English-speaking Hebrew classes, we call it strong dagesh. She told me it was the only thing she remembered from her Hebrew studies.
We both burst out laughing hysterically, the only ones (besides PH) who got it.
Never thought I'd be referencing Biblical Hebrew with a Francophone Congolese woman pastor in our Nation's Capital.
It is a small world, indeed.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
A Few Pictures...
Moi and StrongOpinions at her place.
At 12,000 feet. Note I'm looking at the camera, not the view. That's a little too high up for me.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Home Again
We're back home. The last leg of our flight was delayed, so we ended up not getting home until 1 am or something. It was good to be home with the cats and our own bed.
It was a great trip. We spent a few days with StrongOpinions, saw the house she's sharing with roommates, got her some cooking tools as a housewarming present, and wandered around Boulder. Got to visit with a seminary classmate who's curate of a church out there as well - so much fun to see him and hear of his experiences. On Monday we drove up to the Rocky Mountain National Park and went through the park, including a stop just before crossing the Continental Divide at the Alpine Visitor's Center, above 12,000 feet. I didn't have altitude sickness, but for someone who has a fear of heights, some of the views were a little hard for me to take. No matter. I just closed my eyes for the hard parts.
We also got to spend some time with PH's aunt and uncle and cousins, the Ds. Such delightful people! Among these folks are the ones who helped StrongOpinions and me when she was hospitalized out there with suspected bacterial meningitis in May (my mother's day celebration). Good to see them in less stressful circumstances.
It was good to be away - it took me a day and a half to stop talking about CPE stuff and start talking about the coming semester in seminary!
Yes there are pictures, and I will post them soon, but right now I've got to plan my next trip, to go up to New England over Labor Day and see my new grandson.
It was a great trip. We spent a few days with StrongOpinions, saw the house she's sharing with roommates, got her some cooking tools as a housewarming present, and wandered around Boulder. Got to visit with a seminary classmate who's curate of a church out there as well - so much fun to see him and hear of his experiences. On Monday we drove up to the Rocky Mountain National Park and went through the park, including a stop just before crossing the Continental Divide at the Alpine Visitor's Center, above 12,000 feet. I didn't have altitude sickness, but for someone who has a fear of heights, some of the views were a little hard for me to take. No matter. I just closed my eyes for the hard parts.
We also got to spend some time with PH's aunt and uncle and cousins, the Ds. Such delightful people! Among these folks are the ones who helped StrongOpinions and me when she was hospitalized out there with suspected bacterial meningitis in May (my mother's day celebration). Good to see them in less stressful circumstances.
It was good to be away - it took me a day and a half to stop talking about CPE stuff and start talking about the coming semester in seminary!
Yes there are pictures, and I will post them soon, but right now I've got to plan my next trip, to go up to New England over Labor Day and see my new grandson.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Done
CPE is over - we graduated today. I had a final go-round with the prickly person in our group in our last IPR, and, mirabile dictu, the supervisor told her she was transferring her unresolved stuff on me. This was something I had been trying to get her to for several weeks, and the supervisor had just stepped back to see if she would get it, and if I could lay it out clearly enough, and finally she realized that the prickly one wouldn't listen to it from me. It is a relief to have been backed up.
I got a chance to say goodbye to staff and patients that I had developed relationships with.
My neck feels way too light, without my ID and pager, though. This being done will take some getting used to. Eleven very difficult and wonderful weeks of my life. Three baptisms, five deaths, two commendations, a funeral, innumerable Kleenexes (for me and for parents), deep conversations with nurses, witnessing open heart surgery, developing working relationships with so many new people.
We leave early tomorrow to go out to see StrongOpinions and PH's relatives in MileHigh City. Tonight PH is taking me out for a belated fancy birthday-end of CPE dinner. I couldn't have survived this without him, bless him.
Champagne, anyone?
I got a chance to say goodbye to staff and patients that I had developed relationships with.
My neck feels way too light, without my ID and pager, though. This being done will take some getting used to. Eleven very difficult and wonderful weeks of my life. Three baptisms, five deaths, two commendations, a funeral, innumerable Kleenexes (for me and for parents), deep conversations with nurses, witnessing open heart surgery, developing working relationships with so many new people.
We leave early tomorrow to go out to see StrongOpinions and PH's relatives in MileHigh City. Tonight PH is taking me out for a belated fancy birthday-end of CPE dinner. I couldn't have survived this without him, bless him.
Champagne, anyone?
Thursday, August 16, 2007
One Day to Go
We survived final evaluations. The prickly person was predictably prickly and somewhat condescending to me. Everyone else was supportive, complimentary and kind. We also did an exit interview with a team of senior people, mostly about what could be done to improve the program.
I spent time with the AIDS patient and also visited the CICU, and the babies there. I feel like I've done a good job of saying goodbye. I've been touched by the warm thanks from patients and staff alike.
Tomorrow feels anticlimactic, with one more IPR, a play session, lunch, and "graduation".
Tomorrow I'll go around and say goodbye to a few folks I didn't see today, but I'll be glad to turn in the pager and the keys and the magnetic ID.
I'm so done.
I spent time with the AIDS patient and also visited the CICU, and the babies there. I feel like I've done a good job of saying goodbye. I've been touched by the warm thanks from patients and staff alike.
Tomorrow feels anticlimactic, with one more IPR, a play session, lunch, and "graduation".
Tomorrow I'll go around and say goodbye to a few folks I didn't see today, but I'll be glad to turn in the pager and the keys and the magnetic ID.
I'm so done.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
A Full Heart
...and my 15 year old AIDS patient has taken a turn for the worse and is categorized as end-stage. I feel like I'm abandoning her, ending CPE right now. Another difficult learning.
The chocolate cake was good, though.
The chocolate cake was good, though.
RIP, M
My dear friend M died early this morning. She had pancreatic cancer; it had only been diagnosed a few months ago. She was 57.
She taught me many things:
I will miss her deeply. I suspect that as I write this, she is asking Saint Paul, "So what did you really mean about women not speaking in church?"
Rest lightly in the arms of the Lord, M, you deserve the rest. Have a glass of Chateuneuf du Pape for me.
She taught me many things:
- it is alright to question authority
- passion is a gift, not a dysfunction
- family matters
- the phos is hilaron.
I will miss her deeply. I suspect that as I write this, she is asking Saint Paul, "So what did you really mean about women not speaking in church?"
Rest lightly in the arms of the Lord, M, you deserve the rest. Have a glass of Chateuneuf du Pape for me.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Random Dots of CPE: Three Days Left
- I did my final verbatim today. Not bad, not good, just glad it got done.
- Baking a chocolate cake for the IPR tomorrow - maybe it will sweeten us all up a bit. It's a birthday cake to myself that everyone else gets the benefit of.
- Tomorrow will be the last formal day of clinical visitations, plus a reading seminar and IPR. I will miss a couple of patients that I've worked with for almost the whole time I've been here.
- I do have a new patient who is an infant who is missing the bones in her thumb. A strange sensation, holding the hand of a baby whose thumb just sort of flops every which way. Sadly, the thumb problem is probably indicative of a genetic syndrome that may mean more problems than the heart defect we are looking at. Cute baby - tough outcome most likely.
- Thursday will be final evaluations and the exit interviews with the committee, with Friday IPR and graduation, followed by a lunch. Our IPRs have been something of a bust, compared to the fireworks in other friends' IPRs. We have only had a few major blow-ups, only a couple of tense moments. This group just didn't seem to have it in them to fight much. There was one person with whom I didn't get along, but we came to a rapprochement of sorts. Not stuffing things down, just dealing with each other's differences reasonably respectfully. I'm not really sure that it was necessary for our group to have that kind of intense disagreement - or maybe the supervisor chose us as people who probably wouldn't fight much. Hard to say.
- I'm tired. I've got all this CPE stuff wrapping up, a son in the hospital recovering from an appendectomy, a dear friend with end-stage pancreatic cancer, and not enough time to process it all. Meh. At least the chocolate cake will be good.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Prayers, please...
...for Litigator, who had an emergency appendectomy this morning. I was ever so tempted to hop on a plane to go to City of Angels and be with him, but he is 23 and wants to prove that he is an ADULT, don'tcha know, so he doesn't want 'rents around. He will be coming home from the hospital tomorrow, and it just so happens that Stepson #1 will be in LA tomorrow on business, and will just so happen to check on him.
Not that we're being overly parental or anything...
Sometimes this empty nest thing is a challenge.
Oy.
Not that we're being overly parental or anything...
Sometimes this empty nest thing is a challenge.
Oy.
New Toy
My birthday present from PH was an IPod. I am happily downloading some of my favorite podcasts and CDs. Hopefully, I won't break it within the first week of use. I'm also looking forward to using it for audiobooks. Bliss!
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Random Dots of Saturday
- Tomorrow is my birthday. I will have to adjust to the idea of telling people I'm 55. In honor of the day, I went to the nail salon and got a manicure, pedicure, and brow wax. I feel very soigne.
- I ran a number of errands, including the weekly weigh-in (down 1.6 pounds) and the farmer's market (tomatoes! zucchini! peaches! ginger gold apples - the first of the season! homemade ravioli!). Our farmer's market is the oldest continuously running farmer's market in the nation. It has not only food items of every variety, but also flowers and some beautiful crafts. I've learned to manage how much I actually buy there, but it is all a temptation. I also hit the library and the regular supermarket.
- I also went to hospice to visit my dear friend M who is dying of pancreatic cancer. I suspect she will only be with us for a few more days. She whispered for us to leave so she could take a nap - there were four of us in her room - then gestured for me to come closer so she could say something to me, since her voice is down to a mere whisper. She said, "Talk to S. (another friend who was in the room with us who has undergone some difficult surgeries this year). I'm worried about her." This is so emblematic of this wonderful friend, who always put the needs of others ahead of her own. Her dying at 57 seems particularly unfair.
- PH and I are going to dinner at an Ethiopian Restaurant tonight with my CPE group and their significant others. Will we actually be able to talk about things other than the hospital and CPE?
- Spooky the cat has decided she will help me with my typing, so I think I'll end here before she types something untoward. She can be so rude!
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Are We There Yet?
Six more days of CPE. The last two days are final evaluation and graduation and stuff like that, so there are really only four more days of clinical work. Remarkably, we have an IPR (group work) scheduled for the final day. I'm ready for it to be over. I got my last verbatim written and have pretty much finished my self-evaluation (it came in at a modest 12 pages); I may polish the final eval a little bit more over the next couple of days, but if I so chose, I could say it is done right now.
We all seem just whupped right now. Even the supervisor seems to have checked out. The string of ungodly hot days hasn't helped matters.
I've learned a lot through this experience, as I had expected, but now I need some space to process it all.
I still think I want to do some on-call work in the fall, but I need a month away from this kind of work. I need a couple of weeks of knitting and reading trashy mystery novels and cleaning the house (or not). I need some time away from dying babies and crying parents. I need silliness. I need chocolate.
We all seem just whupped right now. Even the supervisor seems to have checked out. The string of ungodly hot days hasn't helped matters.
I've learned a lot through this experience, as I had expected, but now I need some space to process it all.
I still think I want to do some on-call work in the fall, but I need a month away from this kind of work. I need a couple of weeks of knitting and reading trashy mystery novels and cleaning the house (or not). I need some time away from dying babies and crying parents. I need silliness. I need chocolate.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Hot, Hot, Hot
Heat index of 105 degrees today. I stood on the Metro platform this evening waiting for the train to come for 15 minutes, instead of the usual 3 to 5, because of train delays. Heat does not agree with our Metro system, and it also doesn't agree those of us with MS. Then I got a call from Litigator, saying I needed to get the paperwork in to be a guarantor on his new apartment, like, IMMEDIATELY. The management company, of course, wanted pay stubs, tax return, bank statement, my most recent bloodwork results, genealogy...
Suffice to say, it wasn't fun. And since I can only get my pay stubs online, on the corporate computer that runs slower than molasses, it was stressful. It got done, though, so my kid won't be living on somebody else's couch. All this freakin' running around getting paperwork done meant I missed going to Wednesday Evening Eucharist at the seminary. Drag.
On the other hand, I didn't cry in IPR today, and there are only 7 more days of CPE. I got my last verbatim written, and did a draft of my final evaluation. Once I polish that, I'm just riding it out until a week from Friday, assuming my patients stay alive until then.
Yeah. Wah, wah, wah. I'll shut up now. PH is grilling burgers outside, and the rest of dinner awaits, so life is actually pretty darned good.
Suffice to say, it wasn't fun. And since I can only get my pay stubs online, on the corporate computer that runs slower than molasses, it was stressful. It got done, though, so my kid won't be living on somebody else's couch. All this freakin' running around getting paperwork done meant I missed going to Wednesday Evening Eucharist at the seminary. Drag.
On the other hand, I didn't cry in IPR today, and there are only 7 more days of CPE. I got my last verbatim written, and did a draft of my final evaluation. Once I polish that, I'm just riding it out until a week from Friday, assuming my patients stay alive until then.
Yeah. Wah, wah, wah. I'll shut up now. PH is grilling burgers outside, and the rest of dinner awaits, so life is actually pretty darned good.
Monday, August 06, 2007
A Hot Day
I did the funeral in the funeral home today. The deceased was a 10 week old girl whom I had known on the CICU. It went reasonably smoothly; even the ten year old cousin who was to sing did a good job. Got a lot of positive comments from the family who really appreciated my homily.
Then we caravanned over to the cemetery for the interment. My prayers were short, about seven minutes, but the family decided to wait to watch the baby's casket be lowered into the grave, then put roses on it. Took a long time. It was 98 degrees out. I had on a black knit dress. I thought I was going to pass out with the heat.
It was a long day, but I think I did a good job and it was a comfort to the family.
So what's a little heat?
Then we caravanned over to the cemetery for the interment. My prayers were short, about seven minutes, but the family decided to wait to watch the baby's casket be lowered into the grave, then put roses on it. Took a long time. It was 98 degrees out. I had on a black knit dress. I thought I was going to pass out with the heat.
It was a long day, but I think I did a good job and it was a comfort to the family.
So what's a little heat?
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Sunday Morning
On Sundays I get up early to take my anti-osteoporosis medicine. Yet another joy of middle age, dang it. Between that (which has to be taken 30 minutes before anything at all) and the regular morning meds (which have to be taken an hour before eating), I usually get up at 5:30. The coffee maker starts up at 6:50 and I bring coffee upstairs to PH at 7 am for some quiet conversation on Sundays - our little peaceful time together before the day begins.
All that will change next month when I begin Field Ed, since it takes a good hour to drive out to my Field Site church. Fortunately, I won't have to be out there until 9 am - only one service on Sunday - so my wake-up schedule won't change. Just the quiet coffee time will go away. Sad about that - it was one of my favorite times in the week.
We'll have to figure out another time for that.
Two more weeks of CPE, then we're going out to the FlatIron Range to visit Strong Opinions at her new place for a few days, and see some of PH's relatives in MileHigh City.
I. Cannot. Wait.
All that will change next month when I begin Field Ed, since it takes a good hour to drive out to my Field Site church. Fortunately, I won't have to be out there until 9 am - only one service on Sunday - so my wake-up schedule won't change. Just the quiet coffee time will go away. Sad about that - it was one of my favorite times in the week.
We'll have to figure out another time for that.
Two more weeks of CPE, then we're going out to the FlatIron Range to visit Strong Opinions at her new place for a few days, and see some of PH's relatives in MileHigh City.
I. Cannot. Wait.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Random Dots of CPE: Ten Days Left
- So why am I the only person in our groups who cries in IPR? Am I in touch with my inner wuss, or out of control, or just more aware of the challenges that we're facing? Feels pretty uncomfortable.
- I am doing a memorial service in a funeral parlor on Monday, for one of the babies who died on CICU. Doing any kind of service like this, apart from liturgics practica, is a new thing. These folks aren't Episcopalian, just nondenominationally Christian, without an affiliation to a church. It doesn't feel like the sort of family that would be comfortable with a full-blown Episcopalian service, so I'm going to cobble something together from our tradition and PH's Covenant Book of Common Worship, which isn't quite so fussy. Some prayers, some Scripture, a few words about the baby, who was a beautiful little two-month old with light brown super-curly hair, a song from a cousin. Plus prayers at the graveside for the interment. Learnings abound.
- A friend from seminary and I ran into each other today, after PH and I came back from the Farmer's Market. He said, "You've got that exhausted from CPE look. You need some rest." No kidding, pal...
- I'm looking so forward to this being over, ecause I AM tired. And yet I worry about the patients and feeling like I'm abandoning them. Ah, well, I think they and I will both get over it. Yet another thing to cry over in IPR.
Okay troops, here's your question of the day, one that our group has chewed on for lo these many weeks: do you believe in miracles? Not just the "gee, isn't that a beautiful sunset?" kind of miracle, but God reaching down and fully and miraculously healing someone who has something awful? If you do, how do you think God chooses who gets a miracle and who doesn't?
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