A great heart sometimes suffers great pain. You asked me why you feel so deeply. I don't know. All I know is that you have a great heart. Don't shut it down so you don't feel the pain. It is too important to feel deeply.
You have many gifts. You will figure this problem out. One foot in front of the other, slowly. It will not feel good, but it will feel better than no feeling at all, than things remaining the same.
I wish I could hug away the pain and kiss away the doubts, and make a list of things for you to do to get past this time.
I can't. You must write your own list, and heal your own pain. You must love yourself and do what is right for yourself, in your own time.
I love you. God loves you. All will (eventually) be well.