Life as we Know It

The final days of this semester are coming hard and fast, and things are very busy around Chez Mibi. Much of the Christmas shopping is done and shipped, thank heavens, but the school stuff still hangs on. And I'm still on strong drugs, which are in their way harder than the remnants of my illness. I'll go back to the doctor's on Monday to get my blood counts checked again and am hoping the numbers stay where they need to be.

The tail end of this week is challenging, in that we have our Seminary Advent Lessons and Carols service tomorrow night, in which I organize the choir and the handbells (since I'm music TA), sing with said choir, and play Eve in a stylized tableau of the Genesis reading. Why they matched me, a 50-something chubby woman with graying hair, with a twenty-something Adam, heaven only knows, but it will still be fun. The service will be preceded by a full day: Small Group worship, coaching two students for the Church Music final oral exam, including singing the Sursum Corda and the Proper Preface, coordinating a GOE scripture prep session, rehearsing the tableau, etc. Then community dinner and the service.

Saturday is relatively mellow, with icon-writing, I hope, plus Christmas tree shopping and house decorating. I should also do another rev of the sermon - it needs a bit more polishing, since it is one of the ones I'll be submitting for the fancy preaching award competition .On Sunday at Saint Middle School, I will preside over the first half of the service - we will have a retired priest who is doing the communion portion - as well as preach, teach a class on the liturgical calendar and the colors and the lectionary and all that, come home, go to tea at our dean's house, go to ordination of several friends, and then go home and collapse.

One more week of classes, during which I need to finish one relatively brief but thorny Medical Ethics paper. I have two exams - one is for a pass-fail class that I know I'll be fine on, the other is the Medical Ethics one, which will be challenging but not beyond manageability.

Somewhere in there I'll be meeting again with my thesis advisor, but where I am with it right now will probably be where I am when I meet with her. No time to do anything else.

And in the midst of it, StrongOpinions is driving east with a friend from Hippie-Dippy town at the foot of the Flatirons. Pray for traveling mercies for her.

I'm hoping the next few weeks for you is lovely and meditative and not hectic, but I suspect your schedules are just as wacky as mine. Blessings on us all!

Other Names Meme

Thanks for this fun meme, LauraLew! everyone who wants to play, consider yourself tagged!

Other Names Meme:
1. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names): Louise Owen
2. NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother’s dad, father’s dad): Charles John
3. STAR WARS NAME: (the first 2 letters of your last name, first 4 letters of your first name): Thmary
4. DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal): RedCat
5. SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you live): Frances Alexandria
6. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite alcoholic drink, optionally add “THE” to the beginning): Purple Cider
7. FLY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name): Mape
8. GANGSTA NAME: (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite cookie): BunnyTracksMilano
9.ROCK STAR NAME: (current pet’s name, current street name): Spooky Ripley
10. PORN NAME: (1st pet, street you grew up on): Sherman Belmont

Slowly, slowly

I'm feeling a little better. I reduced the dose of the prednisone slightly and spread the dosing. I'm not feeling so sick and weepy, just very tired. I read a couple of pages, then sleep for a half hour. I started working on next week's sermon (an important one) and got a page in on the first draft, then had to crash.

PH is out at a church thing,but he left me some supper. I was able to reheat and eat it. Shockingly, that's an accomplishment.

In the grand scheme of things, there are many people who are much sicker than I am. Still, this is hard and worrisome, and difficult for PH and the kids. There is so much that I feel that God wants me to do, but I have to get better to do it.

In the meantime, I pray, and ask for patience and understanding.

Still Here

Still on the couch. The steroids have turned me into a blubbering, dizzy, nauseous ick-ball. Poor PH has been so good about putting up with me.

I did feel well enough to go out for dinner with PH last night - ate very lightly, then got home and crashed. I managed to sleep without Ambien, which is pretty remarkable given the prednisone. I'm hoping this awful feeling will abate so I can do something other than sit on the couch and feel sorry for myself.

The very good news in the midst of all this is that StrongOpinions got accepted to Ivy League University in the Big Apple as a transfer student. She had thought the interview didn't go well, but she apparently did brilliantly. It will be good to have her on the East Coast, in a program that will push her to use her writing talents to the utmost (did I tell you she was recently published in a small literary magazine?), in a city that is very dear to my heart since I grew up just across the river...God is good!

For those of you who did the Black Friday shopping thing this morning, I wish you an afternoon of rest and leftovers.

Follow-Up

Well, the plan for the cold to go away didn't work very well.

I woke up late Sunday night with severe shaking, and a recurrence in the drop of platelets that put me in the hospital last February. When I went to bed, it was a cold. When I woke up, I had the little pinpoint bleeds under my skin called petechiae, and blood blisters on the side of my tongue, and that nonstop violent shaking. So we went to the hospital, where it turned out that my platelet count was one. Normal is 150-450. A problem. So they threw some very heavy duty drugs at me, and the count crept back up to 35. I got to leave the hospital yesterday afternoon, and am resting at home. PH will take me out for dinner in a little while, which I'm really looking forward to.

The big question in all this, of course, is where to go next with this problem. This was a much more rapid onset and a worse drop than in the past. I cannot imagine a life where every time I get a cold I end up in the hospital with twenty-five grand worth of drugs being pumped into me.

One option that I had avoided in earlier bouts is a splenectomy, removing the spleen, which is the organ that kills off my platelets and leaves me open to spontaneous bleeds. Folks can live without spleens, although spleens do other things to fight infections. Still, it's surgery. Other options are not very pleasant either, like a cancer drug that is experimental for treatment of ITP and has difficult side effects, or going on doses of steroids indefinitely with their difficult side effects. We'll see what the doctor says when I go on Monday.

For now, I'm grateful that I'm home, that this was treatable and didn't kill me this time although it might very well have done so, that we have good insurance, that there are options.

Please keep me in your prayers as we discern what next steps we will take.

Sunday, Sneezy Sunday

Yes, the cold has taken over, like a nasty alien. Fortunately, it's mostly sneezing at this point. I spent all of yesterday stretched out like a sloth on the couch, doing a little homework and a lot of watching of vidoes on Hulu.com.

The sore throat has abated and I survived church with no problem. I'm praying this will all be gone by next Sunday, when the Bishop comes for confirmation and I get to serve as Bishop's Chaplain. I don't think sneezing into the miter would be appropriate, nor sneezing into the Bp.'s face while I hold his prayer book. Zicam, do your stuff!

I'm wading through the various papers, am a bit behind the curve right now on the thesis, but am not worried about it, and am thinking I should finish my CDO (Church Deployment Office) profile - an online database that will tell prospective employers All About Mibi. I think that will be a project for the coming weekend.

Thanksgiving will be quiet. Just PH and I. We made reservations at a little French restaurant we love, and will probably just hang out and do as little as possible for a few days. Refreshing!

Christmas is still up in the air. Don't know which children will be here, and on what days. Don't know what I will be expected to do vis-a-vis Saint Middle School after Christmas Eve (except that I'm already committed to be supply preacher at Very Hip Presby Church the Sunday after Christmas - always a fun gig). I'm looking forward to meeting with the rector of our mother church (we're a mission plant) who will be my supervisor in the spring semester, to figure out what exactly I will be responsible for. My primary focus at that point will be the GOEs, sorting through notes and books to get ready, so there's no point in stressing out.

And spring will be a gas!

But in the meantime, time for more Zicam.

Winter is Here

It is cold - a brutal 35 deg F. A week and a half ago, it was in the 60's. No wonder I have a cold. I skipped icon writing today in hopes of knocking the bug out of my system, and am wrapped up in a wool blanket with my sweatshirt hood over my head, sitting on the couch and zworking on various and sundry papers for school.

Last night was the fall "talent show" at Big Old Seminary with some very funny skits and some so-so music. Some fun conversations and okay food. I participated in several of the senior class vignettes. For the second time in seminary, I've played a pregnant woman. Why are they asking a post-menopausal woman to play a pregnant woman? Because I'm the only person silly enough to agree to it, I guess. Fool for Christ, that's me.

There is a long list of "shoulds" - I should straighten up the house, I should do some laundry, I should finish off the three papers that are pending, I should do some more work on the thesis, I should write up more field notes for the research project...but I think I'm just going to stay on the couch for the time being.

The excitement of the morning was a bird in the house. First I noticed the cats behaving oddly - one even jumped up on the kitchen counter, which is something she wouldn't normally do - and then the bird started flying between the kitchen and the living room. Heaven knows how it got in. I didn't notice it when PH came home from the Farmers' Market, but I was pretty drowsy at that point. Such an odd thing, the little bird zinging back and forth, trying to figure out how to get outdoors again, at one point banging against the kitchen window. We opened the front door and urged it out. I hope it wasn't too traumatized by it. Remarkably, there is no bird poop anywhere in the house.

The sun is shining. I'm hoping I feel better soon. I will be off to Saint Middle School tomorrow. Only four more weeks with my supervisor there. Time is moving very quickly indeed.

Mr Toad's Wild Ride

It might also be called Ms Mibi's wild ride. This has turned into a wickedly busy week, and I am looking forward with great joy to next week, and having Wednesday through Saturday off. I will spend much of it playing catch-up on writing papers, working on the thesis and such, but I'm in not-so-bad shape as the semester starts the race to the finish line. The good news is that I'll only have two exams to take in mid-December. I do have three papers due. One is almost done (needs another day or so to wrap up) and the other two are quite manageable, since one is for a pass-fail class and the other is very well-defined. I've got a sermon to write on Isaiah 40 and Psalm 85 for 2 Advent, but the concept is in my head. I just need to get it down on paper. Various and sundry other things are in the queue, but they are longer range.

I survived a four hour vestry meeting last night. It was four good hours as Saint Middle School proceeds towards the departure of their beloved present vicar and looks ahead to the future. Still, it was four hours, plus 45 minutes commute in each direction.

Oh, and the very, very good news is that I only need to take 4.5 credits in the spring semester, three of which are the thesis. Maybe I will find time to find a job...

Yesssss! Random Dots of Monday Joy

• I chanted the Litany for Ordination yesterday evening at my friend L's ordination to the diaconate. In the midst of masses of incense - it was the highest-church ordination in this diocese ever - and in front of our new Bishop Coadjutor, who is a trained musician, and I didn't cough, choke, or make any major gaffes. Thanks be to God.
• I did my first ethnographic study of a church with my prof for her research project. Way cool. Now I need to write up the field notes.
• The Commission on Ministry FINALLY approved my plan for Field Ed. You know, the one where I don't take Field Ed for credit in the spring, use the rector of our mother church as an informal supervisor, and I don't have to do any sort of independent study. Sweet! Maximum flexibility, minimum extraneous paperwork. What's not to like?
• Today I get to meet with the Deployment Officer and the Ordination Coordinator to talk about next steps...like figuring out how to find a job, and the various pieces of paperwork that need to be filled out so we actually can get ordained.
• In Anglican Thought class tonight, we talk about the wonderful William Temple, one of my favorite Anglican thinkers.

I guess I've procrastinated enough. Time to go write field notes.

Bleah

Feeling sort of sick-ish.

I don't know whether I've got a cold coming on or if this is the result of not enough sleep. I had class last night until 10 pm and then came home to deal with StrongOpinions trying to get back from the Big Apple to Hippy-DippyTown by the Flatiron Range. Her flight to Minneapolis was late, so she missed the connection to Mile-High City. The airlines wouldn't give her a hotel voucher. Fortunately, she had a friend who lives in Minn., so she crashed with the friend and got to the airport this morning.

All of these logistics required several very late night phone calls, the last of which was at 1 am. I had an 8 am class today, so I'm dragging.

This quarter I have three night classes. Not a good thing.

On the other hand, this week I delivered 24 more pages to my thesis advisor. I'm meeting with her tomorrow. I've begun the next phase of the work and am making good progress.

Thus I feel no guilt about being stretched out on the couch right now in my jammies and polarfleece robe, doing very little indeed.

Veteran's Day

Remembering those who have served our country in military service, including my own parents. Whether I thought the war was just or not (whatever just means to those on either side of the conflict), whether we won or not (whatever winning means in war), just remembering with gratitude those who have served, and especially those who have been wounded or who have died.

Many thanks.

Random Dots of Monday

• The first phase of the thesis is done. Forty-four pages. With the Intro section, that's just shy of fifty pages. Of course, since I've got two more phases of this thing, much of what I've written will be edited out. Not to worry. There's more blarney where that came from.
• I'm busily exegeting so I can write my OT sermon for Dec 7th and for the preaching competition. 2 Advent has Psalm 85 and the beginning of Isaiah 40. Almost too much good stuff to work with there. Once again, I'll be editing down...the story of my life.
• This week was supposed to be easier. Wrong. I suspect this whole quarter will be slam-o-rama. Ish.
• The good news is that I worked out this morning. The bad news is what the scale said. No surprise given what I ate over the past few days. Thank God for spandex.
• Still waiting for final word on my field ed situation for next semester. The great thing about being part of a large diocese is that they are very organized and have systems for everything. The less than great part is when you need them to be a little bit flexible, it requires turning around the whole darned battleship. It's a good lesson in patience, I suppose, but I've never been particularly good at that.

I think that's more than enough for today. Please keep StrongOpinions in your prayers. She is in the Big Apple this week, looking at schools to which she would like to transfer. May it be so, and may the stock market go up a bit so we can afford for her to do that.

Miracle

I filled up the car with gas yesterday for $2.17 a gallon. Columbia, MD, Citgo station.

This morning I got a piping-hot fresh Krispy Kreme and a cup of coffee for about the same price. However, instead of getting 15 gallons, I limited myself to one of each. Sigh...

Friday Five: The Funny Papers

At the RevGalsBlogPals page, Presbyterian Gal served up a fun Friday Five:

After an exhausting election here in the states it's time for some spirit lifting! Join me with a nice cup of tea or coffee or cocoa and let's sit back and read the Funny Papers!

1. What was your favorite comic strip as a child?
Probably Peanuts, although for a while I had a serious Mary Worth jones.

2. Which comic strip today most consistently tickles your funny bone?
Get Fuzzy is usually the best, with Candorville and Zits competing for second.

3. Which Peanuts character is closest to being you?
I have my Lucy moments, but mostly I'm more of a Sally. Slightly worried, slightly clueless, trying to move those around her to what she thinks they should be doing, usually unsuccessfully, short. Yeah, I'm Sally.

4. Some say that comic strips have replaced philosophy as a paying job, so to speak. Does this ring true with you?
Some seem to put forth a philosophical worldview, but most are simply an entertainment. And that's just fine.

5. What do you think the appeal is for the really long running comic strips like Blondie, Family Circus, Dennis the Menace as some examples?
Frankly, none of those old strips do anything for me. Will Jeffy never grow up? Will Dagwood never gain weight from all that good food Blondie makes? Will Mr. Wilson never get a colonoscopy (heaven knows he seems to need one)? I just don't care anymore.

Bonus question: Which discontinued comic strip would you like to see back in print?
Boondocks. It was brilliant. Come back, Boondocks, come back!

Halloween

We did have a lot of adorable little people in wonderful costumes. We asked one little girl if she was a princess and she said, "No. A QUEEN!" Role inflation.

They are so serious when they explain what their costumes are..and often I still can't understand who they are, since I'm so out of touch with kid culture these days. But they were wonderful.

I'm not quite so crazy about the teenagers who came later in the evening, who didn't even make the effort to put on a costume. They just showed up with backpacks strapped to their fronts, and were filling up said packs with candy. Somehow that doesn't seem right to me. On the other hand, it was good to get rid of the candy. Even though I don't particularly like, I tend to eat it if it's hanging around.

Hard to believe it's only eight weeks to Christmas, and (gulp!) ten weeks to General Ordination exams.

Icon Update

You saw the icon of Sophia, the Wisdom of God last week with its gilded halo and most of the lines of the drawing in black. This is what it looks like now, with the base coat of the colors. Sure, there's lots of red there. But Sophia, not being human but a representation of God's wisdom, has red skin. (Normally the base coat for skin is a deep olive made primarily with yellow ochre.) The skin, wings and gown will eventually look very different as the subsequent layers of color are added. The skin will have grey-ish overtones, the wings some orange, and the gown blue. Watch this spot over the next couple of months to see the changes. Nothing next week, though - my teacher is away on retreat and I am at a conference in Charm City.

Back in the Saddle

The fall break ends officially tomorrow morning, but I spent today in the library, working on the thesis. I got another five pages done. Slow work.

It's cold and gray here and I feel like I'm fighting a cold, but I'm ready to dig back in to things. I've got several weeks until my next preaching date, and I'm torn between preaching on Isaiah 61 or on Psalm 126, since I still haven't turned out an OT sermon that I think is good enough for the fancy-pants preaching competition. I'm leaning toward the psalm, since it would be an unconventional choice and it would work as my last sermon before my wonderful Field Ed supervisor departs for southern climes. I've also been looking at the incomparable Robert Alter's re-translation and lit-crit analysis of the Psalms, and he's gotten me thinking. In any case, I should start exegeting it if I'm going to preach on it. Thank goodness the NT sermon is done - I just have to record it in chapel.

The second quarter will be a bit busier than the first was. One more class, Medical Ethics. A ramp-up of work on the springtime research project. Another itty-bitty research project for another professor that I'm hoping stays manageable. Serving as a mentor to Middlers who are just starting Field Ed. More time, I suspect, at St Middle School as said supervisor prepares to leave and the parish prepares to find and call someone new. And then there's the thesis, which will be both blessing and bane as I try to focus it more and make a more cogent argument. Exciting but intimidating. I'm glad things are shaping up the way they are - I'll be too busy to worry about things like my investment account and job possibilities come next year in an economic environment where pledge income will be down.

I'm so very tired of the election ads. Having already voted, I guess it all seems superfluous to me. At the very least, I really want my guy to win, and every time I hear something from the other guy, it annoys me unduly.

Time for chocolate.

Priceless...

Tip of the hat to Peter Carey for sharing this one. It comes from the heartland of Indiana.

Amen, amen.

Gray Monday

This morning I drove two visiting professors from India out to the big international airport. They had been teaching this past quarter, and had mucho baggage. Four giant suitcases, two rollaboards, and a laptop briefcase. Fortunately, I took PH's little Volvo wagon, and we fit most of it in the back, plus one big suitcase bungee-corded to the roof. My thesis advisor, a friend of theirs, rode along for the ride. Thank goodness, there wasn't much traffic.

Then Thesis Advisor and I rode back to work on the latest section of the thesis. Good things to say, some wise suggestions on style and methodology, a plan for next steps. I am so blessed to have her as my thesis advisor. She thinks I may actually be on to something very interesting and new (or not; time and further research will tell). It's gratifying to hear that I'm making good progess and that she likes my work. She seemed worried that I would be discouraged by her critical suggestions. No, heck, no! I'm glad to hear what will make this thing better.

I'm feeling a bit like a cold is coming on. I hope not - it wouldn't be a good way to start the second quarter, and I have a boatload of writing to do in the next two weeks. Perhaps it's just change of seasons, a very gray and chilly day (44 degrees right now - this time yesrday it was 68), being tired with the political ads.

It's great having PH home again from his conference - the house always feels so empty when he's away, even though I got to do some "chick" stuff, liking going to the movies with my friend L and watching some Netflix stuff that PH wouldn't have enjoyed. Also managed to do some housecleaning/organizing to make it look a little less like the library the tornado ripped through.

I think it's time to take a nap.

Today's Sermon: Matt 22:34-46

Sermon for Oct 26, 2008 – Matt 22:34-46

It’s more than a little ironic that I’m preaching today on the Great Commandment. After all, it was just a few weeks ago that I preached on the Ten Commandments, and talked about how important they were as guidelines that would keep us safely in relationship with God and with each other during perilous times.

And now I’m going to tell you how the Great Commandment, those words we just heard in the gospel, are what we need to focus on, to love God and to love each other.

So am I confused or what?

Actually, this whole series of sermons that we’ve had over the past several weeks, about our purposes as people of faith, have been all about stripping away that which isn’t essential and focusing on that which is. When we talked about anger and forgiveness, we talked about how anger gets in the way, and how we can learn to deal with each other over difficult things in a way that doesn’t turn us into a doormat, but helps us get to a healthy solution. When we talked about worship, we talked about how the things we do and say and sing in worship reinforce our understanding of the kingdom of God – it’s not about fancy ritual, it’s about modeling what Jesus Himself did. And now we’re back talking about commandments. Rules. Guidelines.

On the face of it, it may seem that Jesus is replacing the Ten Commandments with two. Sounds a lot easier, doesn’t it? If we have to think of keeping track of ten commandments every day, that’s a lot of work. So Jesus is reducing them to two: love God and love your neighbor.

I like that kind of math. Seems simple enough. I can manage two commandments.

Well, wait a minute. Maybe it’s not quite so easy.

First of all, we need to remember, earlier on in the Gospel of Matthew, way back in chapter five, Jesus told everyone “ I haven’t come to abolish the law – including those ten commandments – but to fulfill it…Therefore, whoever breaks one of these commandments and teaches others to do the same, will be called least in the kingdom of heaven.”
Gee whiz. Now it seems like I’ve got TWELVE commandments to worry about!

Sometimes it seems like we’re surrounded by rules and restrictions and guidelines, and it’s easy to forget one or two, or to think that by fulfilling one, we’re getting crosswise on another one.

If I’m supposed to be honoring my father and my mother, and I’m supposed to go to church on Sunday, but my mother is very ill so I stay home from church to take care of her, am I doing a good thing or a bad thing?

If I’m with my children in a war zone and we are attacked, and I kill the attacker to save my children’s lives, am I doing a good thing or a bad thing?

If I tell a lie to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, am I doing a good thing or a bad thing?
Commandments are challenging . And now here we are hearing this story of the Great Commandment, and we wonder what it means.

It sounds simple enough. "`You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: `You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets."

It’s a boiling down of the ten commandments to just two. But, oh, what a two they are! We are supposed to love God utterly and completely. Okay, I can do that. God has given me everything – life, the world, his love, all creation. I know I’m supposed to love God, and I can do that.

But then comes the hard part: “the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’”

The second is like it. That love of neighbor is supposed to be like our love for God. That’s a lot harder. We find it easy to love God, because God is different from our neighbor. God loves us no matter what. God loves us even though He knows exactly how messed up we can be. God loves us enough to forgive us when we make a mistake. God is always there for us, even at three in the morning when we can’t sleep because we’re worried.

My neighbor probably wouldn’t be too happy about me calling him at three in the morning because I can’t sleep because I’m worried. My neighbor might get angry with me when I make a mistake that causes her some grief. My neighbor doesn’t know me all that well, doesn’t understand that when I mess up, it isn’t because I want to cause pain, it’s because I was trying to do something good and guessed wrong. My neighbor gets ticked off at me for what seems like stupid reasons, and to top it all off, he’s got a yard sign for the political candidate I’m against!

And I’m supposed to love that neighbor just like I love God? I don’t think so!

But Jesus says it, and I trust and love Jesus. So what do I do?

The heart of ministry, the heart of being a follower of Jesus Christ, is that love. And it’s a radical kind of love and commitment. It’s not the easy kind of love. It’s not about sitting around with those who think the same way that we do, it’s about engaging with those who think differently, and listening thoughtfully and offering our view respectfully, and caring for them in the midst of it all.

At the end of our service of Holy Eucharist, Pastor Jeunee will offer a blessing drawn from the words of Paul’s Letter to the Romans: Do not repay evil for evil. The passage continues: If your enemy is hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Paul reinforces Jesus’ message throughout the Gospel. Jesus says it over and over again, both in words and in His actions: Love one another.

The message of this difficult command to love one another no matter what is made more poignant if we take a closer look at when the Gospel of Matthew was written. It is believed by most scholars that Matthew’s account was written shortly after the fall of the Temple, after the year 70. There had been many battles between the various groups in the Jewish community; there were Pharisees, Sadducees, Essenes, and then this cult of Jesus, originally viewed as just another Jewish splinter group. The Jews were under the thumb of Rome. Everything was gone, especially the temple that had been the center of their worship life. By this time, Jesus’ followers were no longer considered Jews, they were a separate group. So Jesus’ followers in the Matthean community had less than nothing – they were attacked by both Romans and the Jewish groups. They had less than nothing. If they followed the practices of the world around them, they would have gone silent, gone into hidden communities and had not attempted to continue to spread the Word. But the fact is that they did continue to preach Jesus’ Gospel, even though it put them at great risk.

Why? Because that was an expression of what Jesus had told them to do. If you’ve got Good News, even if it’s not necessarily the news that others around you may want to hear, you preach it.

Why? Because that’s an act of love, and if Jesus tells you to love your neighbor, you want to share it with them. It’s what Paul tells the followers in Thessalonika in today’s reading: “So deeply do we care for you that we are determined to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you have become very dear to us.” That’s love.

How, then, do we, here in 2008, share the Gospel? St Francis said, “Preach the Gospel at all times; use words if necessary.” This is our ministry: it is a ministry of love. We preach when we show love in our attention, in our care, in our actions. We show that love not only to those we have no trouble loving. We show love to those who make us angry, to those who are cruel to us, to those who view us as stupid or misguided.

It looks something like this: a teenager goes with her mother and her mother’s church group to rebuild in Mississippi after Hurricane Katrina. She claims she is an agnostic, but she feels the need to do something to help those who have lost so much. Some of the people whom the group help are difficult, angry, exhausted people. One old woman in particular is hostile to the group. Are they there to steal her things? The group becomes a little angry; after all, they’ve spent their time and money to come down to Mississippi to help these people. Can’t she be a little grateful? But the teenager starts to play with the woman’s little dog, and to talk to her about the dog and how this elderly woman cared for the dog and her ailing son in the aftermath of the storm. She accepts the woman as she is. She sits with her and talks with her. Slowly, the woman begins to trust the group. Not because of anything the Christians, the grown-ups who were members of the group did. Because of the agnostic teenager who modeled Christ’s love better than any of us did. She preached the Good News. She expected nothing in return. She showed the love that Christ expects from us to each other, even to those who are the least lovable.

The reduction of the commandments from ten into two is not a mere division problem. It’s a call to a radical redefinition of what our lives must be, if we want to call ourselves Christian. We no longer have a discrete list of “do’s” and “do-nots,” we have a carving away of all that is superfluous, so that we know exactly what we have to do. We love, pure and simple. We love God, and we love our neighbor. Every word, every action, every thought must be tested against those few words: is this something that expresses my love of God? Is this something that shows my love of my neighbor?

Simple and hard. Simple, because it is nothing more than two phrases. Hard, because is it a call to live the glory that is Christ in all we do. But we can do it, not alone, but with Christ at our side.

The Psalm reminds us:
May the graciousness of the LORD our God be upon us; *prosper the work of our hands;prosper our handiwork.

May it be so.

Amen

St Paul is Finished and Sophia is Begun

The colors are not quite as bright in this picture as they are in the real icon, but that's the way it is with photos on the web. This Paul is a copy of of famous icon by Andrei Rublev, one of the greatest of all iconographers. This copy was finished last week and was varnished ...the icon is still not as dry as I'd like, but another week or so of drying will solve that. Normally it takes me about six months to do an icon, but this one just took three - not sure why, but I'm glad.

I am now working on a Sophia - the Wisdom of God. I tranferred the image onto the board last week, and gilded the halo today (a nerve-wracking process with no margin for error). I've begun to paint the black lines that are the skeleton of the picture. I may get that completed before next week's class, so I can start adding color. Here's what Sophia looks like at this stage. Again, not the greatest photo, but it gives you an idea of where I start from.

Shouldn't Have Looked

The mistake of the evening? Looking at our investment accounts. We sold our abode when I started seminary. Made a nice little nest egg that was intended to fund a purchase of a new place once I graduated. It's down almost 40% from where it was when we put the money in.

Don't get me wrong - I'm grateful that it's not completely wiped out, and we have no consumer debt or student loans so we can deal with this. I also know that many others are in much worse shape than we are. Still, it makes me sad that our fiscal discipline has been trumped by Wall Street's lack of discipline and belief in the derivatives tooth fairy.

Oh, well. It's only money. And maybe the markets will come back up again when the skinny black guy with the funny name is elected (I hope). If not, we'll figure it out. My fear is that there are many other folks who won't be able to do that.

Friday Five: Location, Location, Location

Singing Owl brought us the Friday Five today and asks: tell us about the five favorite places you have lived in your lifetime. What did you like? What kind of place was it? Anything special happen there?

1) First home: I came to live there on Dec 22nd, a little more than four months after my birth. I had lived in an orphanage prior to that. At four months, I was just seven pounds - "failure to thrive" - was what they said. It didn't take long in the loving arms of my adoptive parents for me to grow into a chubby, happy baby.

2) The Big Apple: lived there while having one of my favorite jobs, as an international consultant in software design. I got to go to all sorts of cool places on someone else's dime. Played Scrabble in Bryant Park at lunchtime with some of my colleagues. A great German deli around the corner, with an equally awesome bakery down the block.

3) Craftsman House in Arlington: recovering from a difficult divorce (yes, that's redundant) and met PH while I was living there. Space that was my own after a long time living in someone else's shadow. Good neighbors of all kinds, with houses that were just small enoug, just big enough.

4) Dutch Colonial in Arlington: PH and I bought that house after we were married for a year and a half. Decorated it in the way that we liked. He built a beautiful fish pond and waterfall. Raised Strong Opinions and, for a time, StoneMason, there. We made it a haven for us and for some wandering teens at various points who needed a place to live. And the kitchen was awesome.

5) Seminary townhouse: not so beautiful, definitely not spacious, a mediocre kitchen, but a good place to study and write and pray. And PH there with me - what more do I need?

Bonus: Persian Gulf, the Dean's House. Lived here for a month with BIL and SIL while doing a research project with the Anglican church there. Wonderful people with wonderful faith. I never expected to fall in love with such a diffeent place, but it was mostly about the people. And the food at Turkey Central, which doesn't serve turkey and is not all that Central. And the souk, where I spent a goodly amount of money.

Dot Update

• The advisor wasn't there because she forgot. She had gotten in late the night before and woke up with the flu and didn't remember we had an appointment. She was majorly apologetic. I'm glad we didn't meet - I can't afford to get sick this year. We'll meet on Monday. I left 11 pages in her box, and I should have another five or so by Monday. I'd like to finish this section of the paper and start on the next.

• The Field Ed situation is still not resolved, but I was at a meeting with another of the diocesan bigwigs last night and she said they were talking about it in the office and were going to come up with a resolution I'd be happy with. Whatever that means. Heaven only knows when I'll hear about it, but at least they are saying nice things and not rude things about me, according to my source.

• Still no word on the outside reader, since I didn't meet with the advisor. Trying not to be concerned, but time is marching on.

• Got invited to do some research work for another professor for a paper he is giving on jubilee and debt relief. A very focused piece of work with a reasonably limited amount of hours (50) , so I think I'll go ahead with it. I'm feeling very honored to be asked, since the paper will be presented to a very high-level ecumenical group, and also glad I'm being paid nicely for it.

January Suddenly Seems a Lot Closer

THE 2009 GENERAL ORDINATION EXAMINATION
The Canons of the Episcopal Church require that before ordination a candidate for Holy Orders must be examined and show proficiency in:

1. The Holy Scriptures;

2. Church History, including the Ecumenical Movement;

3. Christian Theology, including Missionary Theology and Missiology;

4. Christian Ethics and Moral Theology;

5. Studies in Contemporary Society, including racial and minority groups;

6. Liturgics and Church Music;

7. Theory and Practice of Ministry.

(Title III, Canon 8, Section 5.g)

THE 2009 GOE WILL BE ADMINISTERED AS FOLLOWS:
Monday Jan, 5, 2009 - 9 a.m.- 12:30 p.m. Holy Scripture, Limited Resources
Monday Jan 5, 2009 - 1:30 p.m. – 5:00 p.m. Christian Theology, Open Resources
Tuesday Jan 6, 2009 – 9 a.m. – 12:30 p.m. Contemporary Society, Open Resources
Tuesday Jan 6, 2009 – 1:30 p.m. – 5:00 p.m. Liturgy & Church Music, Limited Resources
Wednesday Jan 7, 2009 No Exams
Thursday Jan 8, 2009 – 9 a.m.–12:30 p.m. Christian Ethics & Moral Theology, Open Resources
Thursday Jan 8, 2009 – 1:30 p.m.-5:00 p.m. Theory & Practice of Ministry, No External Resources

The Scripture exam will probably allow for a clean study bible and the Book of Common Prayer. The Liturgy and Church Music exam will probably allow the BCP, Enriching our Worship, the Hymnal and the various supplements to it. Theory and Practice of Ministry (the infamous "coffee Hour" question) is usually something strange - in recent years, there was a question about whether you'd anoint a dying dog of a grieving parishioner...

This exam is as much a test of physical endurance as anything else. The open resources exams are about knowing your books and which ones to reach for to answer which questions. GOEs are virtually impossible to study for - you organize your books and you pray and you try to get a good night's sleep.

Frankly, I'll be glad to have them done, since there is nothing between now and then that will prepare me any more for the exams than I already am. Come Holy Spirit, come!
Friday Jan 9, 2009 - 9 a.m. – 12:30 p.m. Church History, Open Resources

Random Dots of Tuesday

It's fall break time, but there is no break for Mibi. Waiting is the order of the day:

• I was supposed to meet with my thesis advisor and sat with eleven more pages of thesis for her to go over in front of her office for an hour. She never showed, which means I screwed up the date and time or she screwed up the date and time or something happened to which I am not privy. So I sat on the floor and wrote the first draft of Sunday's sermon. And I tried really hard not to use the waiting as a sermon illustration, since it wouldn't have fit the theme very well anyway.

• I am still waiting for an answer from the diocese on Plan B for my final semester of Field Ed. The potential new supervisor would like to do something unconventional, which requires diocesan approval. I am trying really hard not to use the lack of flexibility of the diocesan office and the lack of cooperation by the potential supervisor as a sermon illustration, since it wouldn't fit the theme very well anyway.

• I don't know yet if I've got an outside reader for the thesis. Said thesis advisor was supposed to make the first contact to Big-Name-European-Matthew-Scholar. She was supposed to do this three months ago, and then two months ago, and then last month. I may go ahead and reach out myself, although she didn't think this was a good idea when we first talked about it. I am trying really hard not to use the advisor's seeming distractedness (is that a word?) as a sermon illustration, since it wouldn't fit the theme very well anyway.

• I am waiting to go to lunch with another priest friend, who is a dear and calming presence. I SHOULD use her as a sermon illustration, since it will fit the theme very well!

When elephants fight, the grass gets trampled

I'm trying to extricate myself from being in the middle of a situation that I have no control over, but which will affect me. I know it will resolve itself, perhaps even in an excellent way. but I wish some elephants wouldn't be so wedded to being right that they trample this little blade of grass.

About that small business loan, Joe...

There was much talk about Joe the Plumber last night, and his desire to buy out his boss's plumbing business. John McCain looked straight into the camera and said "I'll get you that loan, Joe."

The check may not be in the mail.

The name I'd like us all to focus on is not Joe, not John, not Barack, not Bill (as in Ayers).

It's Tom.

Tom the Senator. Tom Coburn (R-OK).

Earlier in this campaign, Senator McCain cited his good friend Tom Coburn when talking about reducing spending on pork-barrel projects. Tom Coburn, who has never met a government program he likes. Tom Coburn, whose own party finds him extreme and impossible to deal with. Tom Coburn has endorsed John McCain.

One of Senator Coburn's pet hates? Government guaranteed small business loans. He's been holding hearings on them for years. He'd like the SBA loan programs, which provide financing for a hundred thousand small businesses per year, to end.

In the current economic meltdown, small businesses CANNOT get conventional loans. The ONLY chance of getting financing for a business acquisition is through an SBA loan.

Tom Coburn wants the SBA loan programs gone.

Tom Coburn endorsed John McCain.

McCain says he wants to clean up wasteful programs, like his great friend Tom Coburn.

No, Joe, John McCain is not going to get you your financing to acquire that small business, unless he personally writes the check.

Another hurdle completed

I just got my letter from my bishop saying I am now a Candidate for Holy Orders. I had met with the Commission on Ministry in May, and with the Standing Committee in July, but what with Lambeth and all that, it took this long to get the actual official letter. Of course, it's back-dated to the May meeting.

A friend just sent pictures from the diocesan clergy retreat. This time next year, I'll be there as clergy. That's a shocker!

It seems God really wants me to do this.

So Not In the Mood

...for Anglican Thought class this evening. I tried to get all the reading done (some 300 pages worth of sermons from the early 1700s) but it just wasn't happening. I was on a roll doing writing for the thesis and that really is the more important work. The AT class is one that I'm auditing.

I shouldn't feel guilty, but I do.

Just call me Felix Unger. Excuse me while I dust.

Happy Anniversary to Us

It was a lovely anniversary, with dinner at Farrah Olivia , a marvelous restaurant in Old Town. Thanks be to God, it had a delicious prix fixe menu, otherwise we couldn't have afforded it. PH gave me a CD by Malcolm Dalglish and I gave him Robert Alter's new retranslation and lit-crit commentary on the Book of Psalms (see the New Yorker review here, but ignore the R-rated cartoon in the middle - what were they thinking?).

All in all, a perfect evening with the perfect companion, for dinner and for life. I am blessed.

My Life in Pictures

more animals

Friday Five: Business Travel

This meme from the RevGalsBlogPals brings up lots of memories!

1. Does your job ever call for travel? Is this a joy or a burden?

Back in the day when I worked for the bank, I traveled a great deal, mostly to national HQ down south or divisional HQ out west. It was okay, because I liked the people with whom I worked. The actual traveling part was tedious, certainly nothing like the international travel I had done a zillion years ago as a consultant. Since I went to seminary, my professional travel has been limited to offsite training (most recently last week, 100 miles south of here).

Can't say that I really miss it. Planes are like cattle cars, the food is abysmal, and the hotel rooms have a bleak sameness whether one is in Tupelo, MS or Troy, NY.

That recent training event took place in a diocesan conference center which is quite nice, though. The drive down was like being in a NASCAR race going down on Rt 95 - a bit nerve-wracking - but the place was lovely and the people were lovely and I didn't miss the TV news.

2. How about that of your spouse or partner?

Also back in the day, PH stayed home while I traveled. Now, as a leader of a national organization in his profession, he travels quite a bit more. Seems fair, although I do miss him when he's away.

3. What was the best business trip you ever took?

When Laker Air was still flying (you've got to be really ancient to remember those days) I went to London to teach a seminar. I stayed in a lovely hotel, and met friends for a couple of meals, enjoyed my class tremendously, and got the distinct pleasure of schadenfreude when a colleague who was a bit of an @ss made a complete and utter fool of himself in an Indian restaurant by insisting on spicy-hot food...and then got blisters in his mouth from it. Not enough lassi in the world to cool down that guy's mouth! Plus I spent an afternoon in the British Museum before I left for home.

Interestingly, the "bonus" trips to the fancy resorts weren't nearly as much fun.

4. ...and the worst, of course?

Being sent to do a consulting job at a military Munitions Depot deep in the nation's heartland, certainly not where you would expect to find one. I had a miserable case of the flu and laryngitis, the client was a troll and kept hitting on me, and there was not a good meal to be found in a forty mile radius. Even the Officer's Mess on the base had awful food, and that is a rarity. Plus the clients wouldn't listen to a thing I had to say, not that I looked like a credible consultant with my red nose and eyes and squeaky voice.

5. What would make your next business trip perfect?

Time to explore the place where it is held, PH or a good friend to share it with, access to some nice food and wine.

Of course, I suspect in my new profession, my traveling will be limited. That's okay. I've had my time of doing that. Home is better.

I'm Not Dead Yet (spoken in Monty Pythonesque British Accent)

So last week I was away all week at Interim Ministry class. Great class, delightful colleagues, drinking games while watching the VP debate. What could be better?

Back on campus, academic convocation, writing several pages worth of thesis, doing a lot of convocation-related musical stuff, writing two papers, doing a few hours of preliminary project design on the big research project, reading vast quantities of Anglican theologians and even vaster quantities of Matthean scholarship.

Remind me again why I'm doing a thesis when it's not required.

Remind me again why I'm doing a Scriptural thesis with one of the toughest, most brilliant teachers on this campus.

Remind me again why I'm doing a New Testament thesis when I studied Greek only in a passing way, and while here at Big Old Seminary I studied Hebrew deeply.

Must be the medications...

At home, trying to ignore how messy it looks, actually getting a little exercise in every morning, despairing over the weight-loss plateau, praying for a certain tall man to win the election.

Help. I'm only writing in participial phrases. Where have all my grammatical scruples gone?

Sermon for Sunday, October 5, 2009: Exodus 20: 1-4, 7-9, 12-20

I have a confession to make.

I have a terrible fear of heights.

It was bad enough when I was a child, but it became much more intense a decade ago when my son C broke through a raining on a second floor balcony and fell 25 feet to the ground, badly fracturing both arms.

It’s important for you to know this, because that fear is central to a dream that I have been having for more years than I care to count.

In the dream, I am in the jungle, and have walked through the dense foliage until I come to a cliff. Below me is a raging river, Class V rapids, a good fifty feet down. The jungle trail continues on the other side of the chasm, but to get there, I must cross a rickety rope bridge, just a bunch of old wooden slats tied together with questionable hemp ropes. It sways in the breeze over the rushing water. On the other side is a loved one – in the past dozen years, it’s always been my husband PH, and I know I want to be with him.

But to get to him, I have to cross that bridge, that looks like it would barely hold a small dog, much less me. And the water is still rushing and roiling underneath the bridge, and the wood looks splintery, and the rope looks frayed in spots. And PH is on the other side waiting for me.
Tentatively, shaking, I reach out to grab the ropes. The whole bridge shakes even more at my touch. I can’t seem to take my eyes off the turbulent brown water fifty feet down.

“Mibi! Look at me!” I hear his voice and I look up into his calm blue eyes.

“Don’t look down. Put both hands on the ropes. Step slowly, steadily. No, don’t look down, just look at me. You can do this. Breathe! One foot in front of the other. Don’t stop. Keep moving. Stay in the middle. Come on. Just a few more steps. You’re almost here. Reach out for my hand.”

And with the final few steps, I am across and safely in his arms.

On a dangerous journey, you sometimes need someone to call out some rules to you that will get you safely across the bridge.

Now, rules are something we often see as a burden. There’s someone more powerful than us who says what we must do, and it chafes to not be in control. It bothers us that someone else is telling us what to do. Whether we’re teenagers complaining about mom’s curfew, or adults who don’t like to keep to the speed limit, we’re not too happy about rules.

But the rules may be what we need to keep us alive while we look ahead at our final goal.

Diane Ackerman tells such a story in The Zookeeper’s Wife. Jan and Antonina Zabinski were the husband and wife who managed the Warsaw Zoo in the years running up to World War II. They viewed themselves as scientists as well as nurturers of the animals under their care. They had a particular interest in native species such as Pryzwalski’s horse, a wild breed unique to one primeval forest in a tiny corner of Poland. As the war began, and the Nazis overran Poland, Hitler’s underlings also had an interest in the animals in that Polish zoo. They took some back to Germany to try and breed back to kinds of war-horses and great wild bulls that were mentioned in ancient texts. It was not only a desire to purify the human race that drove their dark plan, they wanted to do something similar to animal species as well. They allowed the zookeeper and his wife to keep running the zoo with the remaining animals. The zookeeper, a Christian, had reason to go into the Warsaw ghetto, the part of the city that the Jews were kept in – it had been walled in when Poland was overrun by the Nazis – and he had friends there, professionals whose services were required to keep the animals healthy. He went in and out of the ghetto, sneaking in supplies, bringing out messages. And when the Jews began to be taken away to the work camps that were really death camps, he began to smuggle out Jews from the ghetto, and to hide them in the empty animal enclosures on the zoo grounds. The Jews were hidden by day, but at night, they came into the zookeeper’s house, where the zookeeper’s wife would feed them with what little food they had to share, and there would be music and conversation. These hideaway Jews were referred to in the house as “guests.” The zookeeper’s house was always a place where many zoologists and biologists came to visit, so having guests in the evening would appear normal. There were rules, though, rules to keep them all safe. The guests could only come to the house via the underground passageways after dark, and only after they were told it was safe. The zookeeper’s young son was told over and over never to speak of the guests to his classmates at school, for fear that someone would get suspicious and betray them in hopes of currying favor with the Nazis. There were rules, rules that sometimes seemed harsh, but these were rules that kept them safe on a perilous journey from oppression to freedom.

In today’s Old Testament reading, we hear the ultimate list of rules, the Ten Commandments. This list of rules, all the “thou shalts” and “thou shalt nots”, seems to confirm the impression we may have of the God of the Old Testament as a fearsome judge, all about laws and smiting and battles.

But perhaps these rules are something more than a demand for loyalty and a requirement for certain kinds of behavior.

Think about it: at God’s command, Moses has led the Jews out of Egypt. Once they got over the shock of escape from Pharaoh’s army, they’ve been an unruly lot. They seem to spend an awful lot of the time complaining. They have no food. They get so testy about it, they complain that they should have just stayed in Egypt, where there was lots of good food. God hears them and sends them manna and quails. They are thirsty. God instructs Moses to strike the rock and water gushes forth. And now they come to Mount Sinai. God meets with Moses on the mountain and says

(Exodus 19:4-6) " 4 'You have seen what I did to the Egyptians. You know how I carried you on eagles' wings and brought you to myself. 5 Now if you will obey me and keep my covenant, you will be my own special treasure from among all the peoples on earth; for all the earth belongs to me. 6 And you will be my kingdom of priests, my holy nation.'

It’s a love song: God took them out of Egypt, helped them along the way, and will make them His own special treasure among all the peoples on the earth. All they have to do is to love him and honor their relationship with him. You can hear the love, the commitment in his offer. God explains what the people must do to prepare for the next step in the journey, because it is still a long way to the Promised Land. He wants them to get there. He knows it will be a hard journey. So He lays out some rules.

Ten of them, to be exact. The first three are about the people’s relationship with God. The Fourth is about keeping a day of rest, not only to honor God, but to care for themselves. The fifth through the tenth are about building healthy relationships with each other. God’s rule are not simply about obeying and honoring Him, they are the survival strategy to keep them alive, to keep them together, to keep them focused on the difficult journey ahead.

God loves them so much, and wants to see them succeed so much, that He gives them rules that will help them survive the challenge of the journey ahead by binding them closer to Him and to each other. The rules will help them stay focused on the final goal, the Promised Land, and the One who is the reason and the endpoint of the journey.

They are rules borne out of love, out of a desire to keep those unruly Israelites safe on the journey and safely in relationship with the one true God. That relationship with God might well be called one of discipleship, following God, learning from God, carrying out God’s work and passing His teachings along to others. It’s one of the purposes of being part of a faith community such as this one. We not only follow the Lord, we follow the rules he has given us to keep us on the path in the midst of a difficult journey to our own Promised Land.

It is no coincidence that the words “disciple” and “discipline” come from the same root, the Latin word discipulus, or pupil, and before that from the Latin word discere, to learn. Disciples are pupils as much as they are followers. They need discipline, the ability to follow the rules, to be effective. They need rules to guide them as they follow their master. Following the rules means you honor the teacher. Following the rules means you are doing what you are supposed to be doing, and in many contexts, following the rules will keep you safe. Just as important, the rules keep you focused on the One whom you follow…that’s what being a disciple is all about.


The Apostle Paul certainly understands the challenge of the journey of discipleship in the passage from Philippians : “…forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus.”
And it’s consistent with the message that Jesus gives as he explains the parable of the landowner: “the kingdom of God will be taken away from you and given to a people that produces the fruits of the kingdom.”

Those of us who seek to be disciples, to follow Christ, have been given a great gift in the form of Scripture. These words hold within them a kind of discipline to keep us safely in relationship with Christ. They also keep us safely in relationship with one another. We stay focused on the path that lead us to our own Promised Land by following the divine guidance we’ve received and by keeping our eyes on the Lord. The journey in this troubled world is difficult. There are cliffs that drop off to terrible raging waters. The voice of one who loves us calls us, guides us, over the bridge to the next road on the way to Him.

Amen.

Here I Sit. I Can Do No Other.

After leading the Liturgy of the Word at Sunday Eucharist, teaching the first of a series of classes about Christian responses to conflict, and spending two hours with my Field Ed Lay Committee, I'm whupped.

I have to organize my various and sundry packing for the class down in the Capital of the Confederacy this coming week, but for some reason I can't get up from the couch.

As I was driving out to Saint Middle's School's Saturday night service last night - lots of time to think on a 45 mile drive - I calculated how many hours a week I'm working, between school and Field Ed. Drum roll, please...it's 68 hours. I think the class down south this week will actually be a break for me, unless I decide I want to do some writing on the thesis in the evening, and finishing next week's sermon, and wrapping up the prep for next week's conflict class.

No wonder I can't get up off the couch.

World MDG Blogging Day

As I write this, my father-in-law is back in the Congo. He served there as a missionary and surgeon for three decades, retiring in 1997. He goes back periodically under the auspices of the denominational mission society to help assess the needs of the mission station hospitals and the Congolese doctors and nurses he helped to train.

I would suspect that things in that northwest corner of the Congo, the Ubangi province, are in some ways better than they were when he first went there. There are local medical providers and there has been much more education than when he began there with his wife and children, when my husband was just eight years old. Prenatal education and care is better than it was. But in other ways, some things have not changed. Civil war has meant that some of those hospitals were stripped of supplies and equipment. Roads to get patients to medical care are in even worse condition in places than forty years ago. Poverty is still the norm.

This is why serious commitment to the Millenium Development Goals is so critical. In this place, eradication of poverty and hunger and maternal and child health care are primary: the challenges of living in this place are many, and it is the weakest of the populace who suffer most greatly.

As powerful as the witness of people like my husband's family are, as deeply important as their work has been, it is only when there is a global push to meet these goals that long-term sustainable progress will happen.

What to do? Pray. Advocate. Support. Do not be silent. We can make this happen.

Still Here

I've been swamped with work, and have been a bad blogger. I'm starting to wrap my arms around the work of this semester - finally - and am feeling much less overwhelmed by it all.

Still no resolution of the Field Ed situation. It will sort itself out. Soon, I hope.

Suddenly it is dawning on me that I am actually going to graduate this year. I just finished my resume. We will be doing our Church Deployment Office profiles soon (sort of a national database of who we are, what we're interested in, what our strengths are). General Ordination Exams are (gulp!) three months and one week away. I will have sufficient credits to graduate by the end of December, although I do have one required Christian Ed class that I will need in the spring. I will be doing my thesis, though, so I will end up taking a full load in the spring, and graduating with something like 94 credit hours.

It is exciting, frightening, confusing to be in this place which is kairos and not chronos. So I turn to a prayer that was a meditation at our class retreat this past weekend. It says much to me:

Pack nothing.
Bring only
your determination
to serve and
your willingness
to be free.

Don’t wait for the bread to rise.
Take nourishment for the journey,
but eat standing, be ready
to move at a moment’s notice.

Do not hesitate to leave
your old ways behind –
fear, silence, submission.

Only surrender to the need
of the time – to love
justice and walk humbly
with your God.

Do not take time
to explain to the neighbors.
Tell only a few trusted
friends and family members.

Then begin quickly,
before you have time
to sink back into
the old slavery.

Set out in the dark.
I will send fire
to warm and encourage you.
I will be with you in the fire
and I will be with you in the cloud.

You will learn to eat new food
and find refuge in new places.
I will give you dreams in the desert
to guide you safely home to that
place
you have not yet seen.

The stories you tell
one another around your fires
in the dark will make you
strong and wise.

Outsiders will attack you,
and some who follow you,
and at times you will weary
and turn on each other
from fear and fatigue and
blind forgetfulness.

You have been preparing
for this for hundreds of years.
I am sending you into the
wilderness
to make a way and learn my ways
more deeply.

Those who fight you will teach you.
Those who fear you will strengthen
you.
Those who follow you may forget
you.
Only be faithful.
This alone matters.

Some of you will die in the desert,
for the way is longer than anyone
imagined.
Some of you will give birth.

Some will join other tribes
along the way, and some
will simply stop and create
new families in a welcoming oasis.

Some of you will be so changed
by weather and wanderings
that even your closest friends
will have to learn your features
as though for the first time.
Some of you will not change at all.

Some will be abandoned
by your dearest loves
and misunderstood by those
who have known you since birth
and feel abandoned by you.

Some will find new friendship
in unlikely faces, and old friends
as faithful and true
as the pillar of God’s flame.

Wear protection.
Your flesh will be torn
as you make a path
with your bodies
through sharp tangles.
Wear protection.

Others who follow may deride
or forget the fools who first bled
where thorns once were, carrying
them
away in their own flesh.

Such urgency as you now bear
may embarrass you children
who will know little of these times.

Sing songs as you go,
and hold close together.
You may at times grow
confused and lose your way.

Continue to call each other
by the names I’ve given to you,
to help remember who you are.
You will get where you are going
by remembering who you are.

Touch each other and keep telling
the stories
of old bondage and of how
I delivered you.

Tell your children lest they forget
and fall into danger – remind them
even they were not born in
freedom,
but under a bondage which they no
longer remember, which is still
with the, if unseen.

Or they were born
in the open desert
where no signposts are.

Make maps as you go,
remembering the way back
from before you were born.

SO long ago you fell
into slavery, slipped
into it unaware,
out of hunger and need.

You left your famished country
for freedom and food in a new
land,
but you fell unconscious and
passive,
and slavery overtook you as you fell
asleep in the east of your life.

You no longer told stories
of home to remember
who you were.

Do not let your children sleep
through the journey’s hardship.
Keep them awake and walking
on their own feet so that you both
remain strong and on course.

So you will be only
the first of many waves
of deliverance on these
desert seas.

It is the first of many
beginnings – your Paschaltide.

Remain true to this mystery.

Pass on the whole story.
I spared you all
by calling you forth
from your chains.

Do not go back.

I am with you now
and I am waiting for you.


--"Passover Remembered" by The Rev. Alla Renee Bozarth from Women's Uncommon Prayers

Elaboration

I mentioned some changes rather obliquely in prior post. I can give you a bit more detail now, which some of you may have already sussed out. My supervisor in Field Ed, the vicar of saint Middle School, is leaving the diocese and Saint Middle School because her husband, also an Episcopal priest, is accepting a call to a church some three hours away. While I am delighted for her husband, it leaves me without a supervisor, a requirement for Field Ed. I will have completed three semesters of Field Ed (exclusive of my summer internship, which is different) when she leaves, which will fulfill Big Old Seminary's requirement, but my diocese, which refers to itself as The Diocese, requires four.

Now, the folks at Saint Middle School, especially the vestry, would like me to stay through the year, since having a familiar semi-clergy face while they search for a new vicar would be helpful, and since they know me and trust me. And I would like to stay there despite the lack of supervisor, since I feel a calling toward intentional interim ministry, have had the initial training, am going for the in-depth training next week (planned before the changes at SMS came to pass), and staying there would provide the opportunity both for observation of a parish going through this kind of change and the opportunity for me to complete a supervised project in interim ministry during that semester, which would complete my accreditation for interim ministry. That project would be supervised by an interim minister.

It would be non-standard for this diocese, though, and it would require the blessing of the diocesan coordinator for the ordination process, and most likely the bishop. So please keep my supervisor and her family, the good folks at Saint Middle School, and me in your prayers as we wait for the decision of the diocesan folks as to whether they would be comfortable with this.

On another note, I just got back from my senior class retreat out on the eastern shore. Elements of it were lovely, particularly a guided meditation led by two class members. Other elements were not so lovely - the retreat master was not my cup of tea, although some liked him. I like retreats to be about prayer and reflection, not about lectures that I fear I will be tested on. Ah, well. It was good to be away from urban/suburban angst for a little while and to stand at the edge of a bonfire at night with a thousand stars overhead. It was good to be with dear friends who will scatter to the four corners of the earth in eight months. It was good to have several hours in solitude in the car and with relatively light traffic, so the drive was a pleasure. Proof that reality is often different from expectations, and that's not necessarily bad.

And playing scrabble with my girlfriends until the wee hours, and laughing so hard that I nearly fell off my chair as the tears streamed down my face- that was a blessing, too.

Post-Whinge

Thanks for putting up with the whingy-ness yesterday and offering words of support. It was a stressful day and was probably not a good time to meet with that particular mentor, whose behavior was utterly consistent with the way said person has always been. I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was feeling rather vulnerable and anxious.

The short version of what had me upset was a change in plans re Field Ed (not my change but my supervisor's) that causes me to have to deal with the ramifications of the change with both the seminary and my diocese. It makes life complicated but may also present some interesting learning opportunities if it plays out as I hope. But it will take a while to sort, and I don't like sitting in the middle of other people's decision-making processes. It also affects others whom I care about. In the end, all will be well, but the in-between time is a bear.

The good news is that I had spiritual direction today for the first time this fall, and as always it was wonderful. My spiritual director is such a gift to me.

Tomorrow is my spiritual direction class, where I learn about how to do this wonderful discipline. That class just feeds my soul.It's worth it, even though it runs to 9 at night and is 40 minutes from home. I'll be doing a guided imagery prayer on my St Gabriel icon.

And Friday, I get to go away for a brief (Friday night through Saturday early afternoon) retreat with my classmates. All of this is a reminder of how necessary the practices of one's own spiritual life are, even or perhaps especially when one is in ministry.

Beyond words

How is it possible that someone who is supposed to have a mentoring relationship with someone can spend an entire hour talking about themselves and never once ask "How are you doing?"

Random Dots of Monday

• Today was the semiannual visit of the largest supplier of vestments and such. I am the student rep on our seminary campus. I get a small commission on what is sold, and apparently we got a lot of orders today. This means I'll have a credit with the company to buy essential stuff like clergy shirts when I get ordained. This is definitely a good thing.

• I did a study session for our basic musicianship class today. We are trying to turn non-musicians into people who can read a hymn tune (for purposes of worship planning) in six class sessions. Not. Gonna. Happen.

• I am managing to keep up with the reading for the classes, but feel like I'm already behind the curve for the thesis. Gotta fix that. One class is easy, one is pass-fail, one is audit. I shouldn't be having this problem. Prioritize, Mibi, prioritize. On the other hand, I've found some really useful books to support my work. Now I've just got to read them.

• Stuff is happening at St Middle School that I can't blog about right now. Not bad, just changing/ challenging, and it affects my work there. I thought I was cool with it, but the anxiety hit me this morning. Thank goodness for the noon Eucharist. Remarkable how attending this service calms me right down again.

• I was doing battle with the weak wireless signal in my library study carrel, and whined about it to our tech support guru. An ethernet cable magically appeared on the handle of the carrel door, so I can attach to the network the "old-fashioned way." Sweet! Thanks, BB!

• StrongOpinions, who was having an absolutely miserable day today, is much sunnier today. As a mom, her mood affects me, too. So having her feel better makes me more chipper.

• I'll be bringing one of my icons to Spiritual Direction class on Thursday night, to lead a guided imagery prayer with it. I've done guided imagery before, but not with a visual image. I'm not quite sure how I will do it, but I guess I'll find a way. Any ideas, RevGals?

Saturday Tired With Sunday on the Way

The week just bumfuzzled me. Extra TA hours, chapel team every morning, kicking off the GOE prep sessions, helping with Lay committee training program, getting my writing schedule for the thesis worked out. PH is off in Windy City, which should be renamed Rainy City, and his flight home tomorrow night might be cancelled. I got in an hour nap before going to St Middle School for groovy praise eucharist. Long conversation with the vicar and senior warden afterwards about what the coming year looks like, then a 45 minute drive back home.

So after supper I entertained myself with "A Bit of Fry and Laurie." Before Hugh Laurie became famous as "House", he and the brilliant Stephen Fry (who famously played Oscar Wilde in the eponymous movie about a decade ago, did Jeeves and Wooster, and has published some very interesting and funny books) did short-sketch comedy for the Beeb. For a sample, see here. Nothing like a bit of ridiculousness just two steps more sophisticated than Monty Python to set the world back in order. Worth putting in your Netflix queue.

I'll be starting to teach Sunday School for the adults in two weeks. "Say What?!? Conflict, Community and Christianity." Of course it will solve the problems of all three in...what?....four sessions. Or not.

To bed....

Sermon for Today: I Cor 8: 1-13

Sermon on 1 Corinthians 8:1 -13 to be preached at VTS Chapel September 11, 2008

Preach to the time.

Preach to the time, and the place, and the people.

They tell me that seven years ago today, on September 11th, 2001, students and faculty climbed the tower of Aspinwall to watch the greasy, impenetrable black smoke ascending from the burning Pentagon, wondering what it meant. I was working downtown, two blocks from the White House, and saw the same smoke, and wondered what it meant. On that incongruously sunny afternoon, many people of faith went to their churches, to hear words of comfort, to try and understand what had happened and why.

And in those churches, many pastors took the lectionary texts for the day and preached. On the face of it, those texts may not have spoken directly to the situation, but those preachers took the text, and the place and time and situation and people they faced, and they preached powerfully, comfortingly.


Preach to the time, and the place, and the people.

God’s Word is big enough, you see, to wrap itself lovingly around any situation. We hear God’s Word in our time, in our location, in our situation. It speaks to us uniquely.

The Apostle Paul, in today’s reading from I Corinthians, is preaching to the time, and the place and the people. He’s gotten a question from the church in Corinth.

Now one of the facts of being a priest is that you have parishioners who ask you questions. “Well, Father Fred, don’t YOU think we should always have the American flag right up alongside the altar? After all, this is a Christian nation!” “Pastor Mary, everybody knows that women are supposed to be subservient to their husbands.”

You know you’re in trouble when the words “always” or “everybody knows” come into the conversation. You strongly suspect that they THINK they already know the answer…the one right, true answer to their question. They’re looking to you to validate their opinion. The same thing is happening here – Paul knows that the key phrase amongst the Corinthians is “We all have the knowledge.” He knows they think they know what the answer is. “Everybody knows that there is no such thing as idols, there’s only one true God, so the meat is just meat, and we can eat it, right?” You can picture them sitting back, having made their very Hellenistic argument, with their hands over their bellies – the same bellies that probably had some of that meat in them.

Paul is a smart pastor, and quite experienced in the art of Greek rhetoric, so he answers the question in a very Greek way. He starts out by agreeing with them. Yes, the Corinthians have knowledge. But perhaps that knowledge is not the be-all and end-all. Perhaps they’re missing the point. Perhaps they’re so involved with their own pride in their knowledge, that they can’t see the other problem their argument creates. Paul preaches not to the question which they asked, but to the place, the situation, the people. He preaches to the context, and how God works among the people in that context.

What does Paul say?

He moves the analysis from an intellectual exercise to a spiritual one. Not everyone is as deeply knowledgeable as this small group of Corinthians. Perhaps there are some who are new to the faith, or just weaker. Paul challenges his correspondents: what is the impact of what you are doing to these weak ones? He makes them face the pastoral issue, one that is driven by where they live, with whom they live, how they live. He challenges them: can you measure what you’re doing not by the single-right-answer yardstick of knowledge, but by the more amorphous measure of agape, of love?

Context matters. In the Warsaw ghetto in 1942, pious rabbis gave permission for observant Jews to eat pork, because it was the only meat available and it was more important to try to preserve their lives in that awful time than to adhere to the dietary laws. Paul says that meat is just meat, until the fact that it was part of pagan worship makes it a distraction or a confusion to those whose knowledge is weak. Meat is just meat until eating it makes someone think that hanging around the pagan temple may not be so bad. Meat is just meat until the familiarity of those pagan idols to whom it was offered seems oh so comfortable…and those who are fledgling Christians, who are weak, are led astray. And that is the sin, a sin against those who are led astray, and a sin against Christ, who died to redeem them and us.

Preach to the time, and the place, and the people. See how God gives us the words to take his holy scripture and use it to speak to a Luo in western Kenya, or an Inuit in Alaska, or a Lutheran Swede in Smoland, or even an Episcopalian who is struggling with her seminary studies in Alexandria.

Preach to the time, and the place and the people. God’s words are big enough.

Amen.

In Need of the Organization Fairy

I will readily admit that I'm not the most organized person on the planet, but I usually manage to stay on top of stuff.

PH gave me a Palm Zire organizer a while ago, and that actually has helped tremendously, since so many things on my schedule are repetitive, like classes.

And now that I have my nifty study carrel in the library at Big Old Seminary, I have a place for my study stuff. I've even outfitted it with a file box with hanging files and all that. I'm still not feeling in great control of it all, though, and that's left me feeling vaguely achy and feverish.

Or maybe it's just the beginnings of the leaf mold allergy season.

Put on your crash helmet

Annie Dillard: "It is madness to wear ladies' straw hats and velvet hats to church; we should all be wearing crash helmets. Ushers should issue life preservers and signal flares; they should lash us to our pews."

Senior year is feeling rather like that. Too much stuff happening, not enough time, no way to process it. Change is occurring in multiple layers. On the best days it feels like acupuncture: you can feel the needles go in and it isn't exactly pleasant, but you can sense the positive results of the treatment. On the worst days it feels like debridement of burnt flesh, and the silent scream is small release.

So what is the crash helmet? Where are the life preservers? Are there any seat belts on this ride?

Only prayer and God's Word. They will be enough.

Hanna in the House

Tropical Storm Hanna is here. The rain is coming down pretty hard now, and the wind has picked up a bit. Certainly not a full-blown hurricane, but rather unpleasant.

PH and I made our Saturday morning pilgrimage to the Farmer's Market early today, while the rain was still not too bad. Normally there are dozens of vendors. Today Tony and his wife were the only veggie farmers selling, there was one little fruit guy, and the dairy and cheese guy. PH, who had been hankering for one of the Hollis Farms raspberry and chocolate croissants, had to settle for an apple turnover from the one bakery vendor.

By the time we got home, it was raining hard and blowing a bit. Predictions are for several inches of rain and gusting winds up to 40-50 mph. I doubt this will be a truly bad storm, but the jury is still out whether I will drive the 40+ miles out west to the Saint Middle School Saturday evening contemporary worship service. I'll wait until four and touch base with the vicar and see.

My only real concern with this (things like losing power are annoyances but no true emergencies) is flooding in the basement, where we have many bookshelves full of books plus a couple of file boxes. The boxes are up off the floor, and the bookshelves have a couple of inches of bottom before the bottom shelf of books, but still, it would be a royal pain...plus the litter box is down there. Ah well, there are worse problems.

The potted herbs that were on the stairs out back are safely tucked away, the bird feeders are off their chains, and the flag is inside. Nothing more to do at this point than to hope that it will be no big deal.

I think I'll get some reading done before the power goes out. Stay dry!

Update at 2:45 pm - the power has come and gone several times now, but is still on, thank goodness. We're starting to get water in the basement, through one of the window wells, and PH is outside, bailing out water. Just don't want that window to break in. Then we'd really have our hands full.

Update at 8 pm: the sky is clear, the rain is over, the wind has died, and the power is on. All in all, an easy storm to get through. Praise be!

So I'm Imagining the Conversation...

Scary Dad: Boy, you got our daughter in trouble. Now you've got to pay the price.

"Fiance:" Yes, sir, I know that. I've already promised you that I'll marry her, even though I'm only 18 and don't have a job yet and we'll probably have to live with you.

Mom: Yes, yes, that's all well and good...but you have to do one more thing.

"Fiance" pales and gulps, thinking of their facility with large weapons: What, ma'am?

Mom: You have to go on stage with us when I give a big speech and smile a lot to show how what you're doing, the manly thing and all, is what you REALLY WANT to do. You do want to do the right thing, don't you?

"Fiance:" Yes, ma'am.

Scary Dad: And of course it's going to be on national television, so everyone can know your shame and humiliation. Yessir, you have to pay the price.

Mom: And maybe other young people won't make the same mistake you two made.

"Fiance" thinks maybe he got into more than he bargained for.

Sad and manipulative.

School's In

A whole barrelfull of reading.
Ineffectual a/c on the side of the library where the study carrels are.
Textbooks that are even more expensive this year than last year.
Not enough hours in the day to get everything done.

Nevertheless, I'm so happy to be back at seminary.

The choir rocked today at noon Eucharist with the Mozambiquen "Nzamuranza" accompanied by drums. Since it was a big-deal service with all the faculty processing in academic robes, we had the treat of a beloved professor drumming in her Yale robes. A once-in-a-lifetime and priceless visual - she was awesome.

Tomorrow is my wonderful Conflict and Congregational Leadership class, and in the evening it's the equally wonderful Spiritual Direction class. The latter is one offered at another institution in our theological consortium in Your Nation's Capital. Sort of a challenge to get over to the other side of town at rush hour, but the class is worth it. Feeds the soul.

I'm looking forward to being on Chapel Team next week, officiating at Morning Prayer and being psalmist and acolyte for the Wednesday noon Community Eucharist. Plus I get to preach in chapel on Thursday, and the sermon's already done.

Life is good! Now if I could only figure out how to get ALL the reading done for the Anglican Thought class I'm auditing...

Politics

So now I know much more than I care to about the presumptive Republican VP nominee, with the news that the eldest daughter of Sarah Palin, who is 17, is pregnant.

Some will point fingers and say it is yet another indicator that Palin was a bad pick to be nominee.

For me, the issue of Palin's daughter's pregnancy is utterly irrelevant. Things happen with our children that we don't anticipate, that we didn't raise them to do, that are out of our control as parents (as much as we wish we could control them). It's a sadness that this 17 year old is in this situation, and frankly, I have doubts about the odds for success of the impending marriage. It has zippo to do with whether or not Palin should be VP.

As political animal, I understand the pick of Palin. She solidifies the evangelical/values-conservative wing of the party. She solidifies McCain's cred with the NRA and the anti-environmentalists. She is youthful and snappy with a comeback (although that may cause problems in the long run). Was she picked to try and draw away Hillary's female supporters? Even the most naive could not believe that - her views on social issues are too radically different from Hillary's. On the other hand, this completely takes the experience argument off the table, since both sides can bash each endlessly to no effect using the same club. Rs say Obama is inexperienced. Ds say Palin is inexperienced, and oh by the way McCain is older than dirt, so the likelihood of her succeeding him is rather high. Neutral political result.

So I just wish, for once, we could evaluate a female candidate on the merits. She will not be my candidate for a long list of reasons, not the least of which is how little we know about what she really thinks about a variety of issues. And on the issues where I do know her position, I disagree with her.

It's not about her hair, or her family, or her pregnant daugher, or the tiara.

It's about ability to know what this complicated world is about, and to lead in a measured and intelligent way in it.