Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Breathless

I'm holding my breath.

Tonight the vestry may be voting on whether to endorse my request to become a postulant and go to seminary. I say "may" because it's unclear whether the chair of the Parish Discernment Committee has actually finished writing his report saying they endorsed me. Rationally, I know the vestry will vote to confirm. Still, I worry. Oh Mibi of little faith! The juxtaposition of my impatience and my lack of control of the situation brings out the worst in me - I spent an hour last night pestering poor PH for the reasons why he thinks I will be a good priest and why I'm much nicer than his former wife. I returned the favor and told him how much better he is than my former husband, of course. I had the easier case to make.

I'm breathing a sigh of relief.

StrongOpinions has wanted - passionately - to come on our mission trip to the Gulf Coast next month to rebuild homes destroyed by the hurricane. The ground rules say you have to be 18. She is three months shy of 18. The Powers That Be decided that she's a mature almost-18 (true) and her mother will be there with her (also true). She, being the kind of girl she is, cannot imagine why anyone wouldn't want to come and help. We'll see if she feels quite the same way after a week of manual labor. I do enjoy long car trips with her, which is a good thing, since the drive will take 18 hours. We may need to hide the power tools from each other by the time we get there. A little closeness is different from a lot of closeness. Still, I'm so glad she will be doing this with me. She's still up visiting her dad, and I mailed her Marcus Borg's book on the similar sayings of Jesus and Buddha. She was so excited to get it. I'm blessed being her mom.

I'm sighing - ironically, of course -about politics.

I am shaking my head at the Speaker's vague attempts here in Your Nation's Capitol to apply some ethical standards to the House of Representatives. Nothing like shutting the door after the horse is out of the barn.

And then I get to read some poetry - ReverendMother's latest jewel, plus some new stuff from Billy Collins' "The Trouble with Poetry."

I breathe easier.

2 comments:

St. Casserole said...

Having no control of one's future while one's future rests in the hands of a committee, is very difficult. I recall waiting for the next hurdle towards ordination with anxiety.
Praying for you and looking forward to your work down here in the Hurricane Zone.

Songbird said...

I felt the same way in the process, mibi. Even though it seemed obvious to me that I was called, I was both worried and glad to know a group of people was taking seriously my call to ministry. Right up to and including the ecclesiastical council to authorize me for ordination, I worried and yet celebrated their interest in and commitment to God and to me.
I pray this day will bring some news and some peace (for the moment...).