CPE Day One - Random Dots

• taking a bus and the metro (switching trains once) takes about an hour.
• driving takes about 45 minutes, but is infinitely more stressful, particularly if there is a traffic jam in the 395 tunnel. I think the public transportation, besides being more enviro-friendly, will be the sane choice.
• having a diverse (age, ethnicity, gender, denomination) group of CPE interns is good, except we all have different terminology around certain things. It'll take a while to get that straightened out.
• cafeteria food is equally mediocre in hospitals and in seminaries.
• lectures after lunch are never a good idea.
• whoever designs hospitals has a thing for mazes.
• hospital PA announcements are about as clear as train station PA announcements.
• comfortable shoes are a necessity. I'm trying the Crocs MaryJanes tomorrow. Definitely no high heels!

Body Language

I may have mentioned recently that I've started another diet. This time, it's LA Weight Loss, mostly because it's relatively inexpensive, and the center is 1.5 miles from our house. I don't really NEED to sign up for such a program. I know exactly what I need to do (eat less, eat the right stuff, exercise, drink lots of water). It's just that I don't do it unless the weekly weigh-in by a disinterested third party, and the attendant shame if I don't lose some poundage, is part of the package.

I gained 25 pounds this year. It would be easy to blame it on refectory food, although there's always a salad bar available. It's more reasonable to tie the gain to my lack of self-control around sweets and on my lack of discipline in exercising.

So now it's time to address that.

I'll be starting CPE on Wednesday, and something tells me I need to do some exercising to deal with the stress anyway. I've been walking or using the elliptical several times a week over the past few weeks (since I came back from Colorado). I'm up to an hour's walk up and down the hills of my neighborhood. After CPE starts, I'll do it when I get home. I may try to do some yoga stretches and/or weights early in the morning before I leave.

Insofar as the diet is concerned, I'll just keep plugging away following the food plan. I've lost 6.5 pounds so far - I presume this early loss is water weight, but it's nice to see the scale move regardless of its source.

I'm only moderately body-conscious...most of this is about trying to fit into my clothes so I don't have to buy more...but a funny side note ties my weight woes with my MS.

I take a shot of Copaxone every day for the MS. Great stuff, except I occasionally get injection site reactions. One of these is induration: the meds kill off the fat cells in that area. As a result my upper arms and the fronts of my thighs have dents in them. Sort of like lipo done by a five-year-old. Would that I could manage to get the induration to be evenly distributed over the whole fatty area of my upper arms (what turns into what a friend of mine refers to as the "helens" that flap back and forth when we become old women) and my thighs, which even in my youth were on the large side. So at least one part of me is getting skinnier, after a fashion, while the rest of me struggles to follow suit.

I guess I'm not going to be on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition anytime soon.

PB Thoughts

The Presiding Bishop came to Big Old Seminary today to speak to VA clergy on the eve of the consecration of our new Bishop coadjutor. She is very much the scientist in her speaking style. Careful, precise, clear. I wished for a little more passion, but right now in our church clarity is more needed than florid language. No one can call her a lightweight, that's for sure. I found her theology congruent with my own, and that was wonderful. She refused to be drawn into an armwrestle about Peter Akinola; she's made of stronger stuff than I am.

And that's why I'm glad she's Presiding Bishop, and why I never will be...

Wood has been sighted

...on the top of my desk. First time since last fall. I went through the files, shredding bunches of stuff that I normally dispose of in January. I went through the piles of paper on top of the desk, disposing of that which (in its 5 months on top fo the desk, had become outdated or irrelevant.

It's actually a lovely very large desk, but I haven't been using it for my school work because of all the aforementioned piles, and the business computer, monitor and printer that are on top of it. When I stop my part-time work for the bank (sometime between this August and December) the equipment will all go away and I'll have a nice big space again to do school work, assuming I don't have too many piles of school-related paper on it. Old habits die hard.

Tomorrow I get to hear our wonderful Presiding Bishop who is in town to consecrate our new Bishop Coadjutor, and I get to have lunch with her as well. She will be speaking to the clergy (and to-be-clergy like me) for 2 hours, and will then have lunch with us at the refectory of Big Old Seminary. It should be amazing - I am so psyched.

I am feeling rather lost in space without schookwork and reading. I got four chapters into the Church History text for next year. Yes, I'm a dweeb.

The End is Near

Hebrew final this morning at 10 a.m. I'm praying he puts more emphasis on translation than on vocab and verb paradigms...I am pretty sure I'll pass. anything else is gravy.

progressing

StrongOpinions will return to Cheesehead Country tomorrow, reasonably well recovered from her illness. I will (finally) take my Hebrew final tomorrow after dropping her at the airport. I have studied a bit for it, not as intensively as I probably should have, but at this point, a B will suffice. I had an A average thus far, so I've got some wiggle room.

A week to go before CPE starts. I have a dozen things I should do around the house, but my attitude is whatever gets done, gets done. What doesn't, didn't really need to get done. The Health Department probably won't be knocking at my door.

I started a diet, because I've gained the Freshman 15 and then some this year, and I can't fit into too many of my respectable clothes. Lost 6 pounds in the first couple of days (which is an idicator of how much I need to lose). Yes, it's water weight, but it's nice to see the scale move downward. Only about 25 to go.

StrongOpinion's illness (and the flights back and forth between here, Denver, and Madison) were expenses we didn't plan on. I'm still hoping we'll be able to take some vacation time after CPE in August. It would be a bummer if we couldn't manage it. We shall see.

It's disconcerting not having classes and papers and reading and such. And I miss my classmates!

Home again

StrongOpinions and I got back here at midnight last night. It's good to be back home. She is feeling well enough to have her friend take her out for a haircut, though not ready to drive herself.

Thank the Lord for her returning health!

What I Did on my Colorado Vacation

1. spent three days with StrongOpinions in the hospital.
2. spent two days with StrongOpinions at the home of dear relatives, the Ds.
3. watched an inordinate amount of bad television.
4. ate reasonably well - I didn't bury my face in chocolate, as appealing as the thought was.
5. spent a little time reviewing Hebrew - for some reason, I couldn't concentrate very well.

We drove out to Boulder today to see SO's rental house for the coming school year. Very much a college kid house. Only slightly funkier than my seminary townhouse, so I can't look down my nose at it. SO felt tolerably well for most of the trip, but was pretty uncomfortable (back and head) by the time we got back. I'm thinking it's a spinal tap headache, since it happens when she sits up. She improved a lot from yesterday to today. I'm hoping for the same amount of improvement tomorrow, so the flight home tomorrow night won't be too hard on her.

Speaking of the flight, I called the airline to book our flight. I explained the situation as to why I didn't return home as originally booked - daughter in hospital writhing in pain - and they decided to give me a "compassion discount"...



wait for it...


$25 on a $425 fare.

I'm just all aglow from all that compassion on the part of Useless Air.

Mother's Day

I'm having a strange Mother's Day.

StrongOpinions called last night from CO, very sick. She went to Urgent Care and still had some major problems, so now she's in the hospital in Denver. High fever and major muscle pain. Still no diagnosis. I flew out here early this morning. Thank goodness PH has relatives who are medical folks in the area.

Please say a prayer for her, and for us, as we try to figure out what kind of bug she's got.

RM's Extremely Tardy Friday Five

1. Mac? or PC?

PC. Yes, I know the Macs are ever so much cooler, but I go with what I know. Besides, all my seminary buddies who have Macs are always complaining that they're broken.

With a PC, you take it as a given that something's always broken. Much simpler.

2. Pizza: Chicago style luscious hearty goodness, or New York floppy and flaccid?

I grew up in the shadow of the Statue of Liberty, so NY Style - thin enough to fold lengthwise - is my personal comort food. Being married to a Chicago guy, I have grown attached to Lou Malnati's deep dish. There is no such thing as too much cheese.

3. Brownies/fudge containing nuts:a) Good. I like the variation in texture.b) An abomination unto the Lord. The nuts take up valuable chocolate space.

I have to admit that I'm not much of a fudge person, but insofar as brownies are concerned, I love 'em all. In large quantities. Except for my X-rated brownies (which have both nuts and dried cherries, so they're like a grown-up Chunky bar), which are so rich I can only eat a couple at a time...

4. Do you hang your toilet paper so that the “tail” hangs flush with the wall, or over the top of the roll like normal people do?

Over the top. Just like me.

5. Toothpaste: Do you squeeze the tube wantonly in the middle, or squeeze from the bottom and flatten as you go just like the tube instructs?

Does the tube instruct us in this? Isn't that rather like reading the manual? Reading a toothpaste tube seems a bit, well, excessive to me. Must be why my toothpaste tube is always a mess.

Oy

Survived the Old Testament exam. I now only have the Hebrew final ahead of me (Tuesday morning). StrongOpinions is trying to get from boyrfriend-land out to her college town to get her stuff stashed until she returns for summer classes. Her trip has been a series of disasters, starting with the fact that her roommate told her the stuff needed to be out of the apartment by noon tomorrow, and it was actually today...and her flight is now delayed sufficiently that she will be unable to take a shuttle bus to campus (30 miles from airport) but will need to take a cab...you get the picture.

The good news is that she was only mildly aggravated instead of hysterical. She realizes that I can't do magic half way across the country. She must be growing up, while I am simply growing grayer.

Not a good time

to take a business trip, but I have to leave for Windy City tomorrow after my last class for a 2 day conference. It pays the rent. Friday will be the OT exam and the following Tuesday will be Hebrew. I'm sure I will do adequately on both - though I am taking my notes with me to study in between conference sessions - but I will be much happier when they're both done.

Got back my final paper from one of my 3rd quarter classes, a favorite class because the professor is such a masterful teacher. I was pleased to have aced the paper, since it's on a topic that is central to what I think my ministry will be, namely, conflict resolution.

Going to this conference is interesting, since I feel so removed from that world. I don't know how much longer the employer is going to pay me for part-time work. I like being able to continue my health insurance, for obvious reasons, but I think I'm pretty much ready to be done with that part of my life. The paycheck is nice, though. Venal, aren't I?

Are We There Yet?

I finished two more papers over the past three days. One more to go. Still facing one enormous OT exam and the final Hebrew exam, which shouldn't be scary but is. Classes end next Tuesday, and my exams are on the 11th and the 15th. It is hard to believe this year's almost over. Even harder to believe that my friends in the senior class won't be here next year. Even harder still that we juniors will be the experienced, wise middlers to the new junior class come August term.

I'm feeling like I now can "read" my professors - what they like in terms of writing style, how they evaluate us, what they mean in their assignments. Not perfectly, to be sure, but I feel much less disoriented than I did ten months ago. Of course, that sense of disorientation will start anew with CPE, and Field Ed, and a new batch of classes in September.

But now I know where to get a cup of coffee, and that the snacks they sell in the bookstore are half the price of the ones in the vending machine.

Living the High Life

PH is away at a conference (he'll be home tomorrow morning), so I'm enjoying some mother-daughter time with Strong Opinions. She will be going back to Rocky Mountain state in June to participate in her college's writing program. She'll be double-majoring in writing and environmental studies (at least that's the plan this week). She pulled a 3.9 GPA in her first semester. I'm proud of her, to say the least.

So today (after I got back from a 3 hour choir rehearsal in anticipation of our concert tomorrow afternoon) we hit the farmer's market, got our eyebrows waxed, stopped for coffee at a local shop with amazing baked goods, went to the bird seed store, went to the cookware store, and came home. I did get my Hebrew homework done, then I made a vegetarian Indian meal: curried lentils, smothered cabbage, brown rice, paratha. Yum.

Lots of good conversation - I wish she were here for longer than a weekend, but that is the way of young adults. She'll be 19 in a week and a half. Remarkable how time has flown.

Why I Have Gray Hair

Stonemason competing this season. Great air = gray hair. This is why I like it when springtime comes, and he doesn't. Mothering this kid has always been an adventure.

Friday Five: what am I...

1. Wearing:
Light blue sweater set, in honor of our forum on ecological/theological/political issues of water at Big Old Seminary today. Tan skirt. Tan Merrill clogs. Bifocals. A slightly stressed expression.

2. Pondering:
Will I get my act together and get any schoolwork done this weekend? With StrongOpinions home for the weekend, plus a concert to perform this Sunday, it doesn't seem likely. Dang. Three papers to write.

3. Reading:
A lot of catch-up reading so I can get my papers done, the book of Ruth in Hebrew, and about three pages per night of Jim Harrison's Returning to Earth.

4. Dreaming:
That presumes one sleeps, doesn't it?

5. Eating:
While PH is out of town at a conference, it's pretty sketchy. we had a dinner thing at school last night, so they fed me, but tonight it was Lean Cuisine because I had so much paperwork to slog through. I'll cook starting tomorrow for StrongOpinions, and PH will be home Sunday morning. Since their birthdays fall within a week of each other, maybe we'll go out to dinner Sunday night.

Food. It's a good thing.

Focus

I should go to bed and get some sleep, but I'm still wired from a chir rehearsal this evening. We're doing a concert of "B's" :Bach, Byrd, Buxtehude, Britten, Biebl, Busto. From the very familiar to the very ... erm... unusual. I'm singing a bunch of solos. They're getting as much out of me as possible before I disappear for field ed next year. I am tired tonight.

The year is winding down. Three more lectures in most classes, two in others. I've got a couple of short papers to finish off, and two exams. I'm feeling sort of flat and tired, and am trying to just push my way through the last of it all.

I was approached by a classmate who wanted to chat about another very troubled classmate. Interesting that people ask me about this stuff, as if I could fix it. I agreed that the classmate had problems and suggested the first classmate go talk to the dean. Isn't my bailiwick. Then another classmate emailed me and asked me to run for class president or vice-president. Sweet of her to think me a good candidate, but my plate is already full.

I'm wondering if I have "sucker" or "saint" stenciled on my forehead.

Simple pleasure of the day: babysitting the one-year-old daughter of one of our professors, newly adopted from China. The first time I sat for her, she cried as if I were torturing her by my very presence. She's decided I'm tolerable now, and I actually got a smile out of her a couple of times. Progress. She took her nap sleeping on my chest for an hour.

Tell me, is there anything quite so soft as the lobe of a baby's ear? Or so warming as a baby's sleeping body on your chest?

All of this is in contrast to yesterday, when I spent much of my day downtown at a Big Conference from my past life. I still do some lobbying work on a part time basis for my old employer, and this one was part of the deal. It was good to see some old friends, but it's getting harder and harder to expend energy on that life.

I suppose I should try and do a bit of reading, but it isn't going to happen tonight.

Sleep well, all.

Feet

I have a new addiction.

Crocs.

Yes, those incredibly ugly but amazingly comfy rubber shoes.

I know PeaceBang wouldn't approve, but I swear I'll wear them every day to CPE, when I've got long hospital halls to go up and down. If I wear fancy shoes, I sometimes have foot aches and pains, and it takes very little for me to get a blister. Wussy feet. Crocs solve that problem.

My present pair are a tasteful sage green, but since I'll be working at a children's hospital, I think a pair in purple or hot pink or bright orange might be in order. And they're inexpensive enough that I won't feel guilty buying them...

Plus, they're non-caloric!

CPE Preparation

No, it's not reading.

No, it's not praying.

It's my measles-mumps-rubella titer, to see if I need an MMR shot prior to my work.

Plus it's not one but two TB tests, within the month before I start CPE (that's chaplaincy training for the uninitiated).

Plus I have to swear whether or not I've had chicken pox. And my primary care physician has to say I won't fall over or anything while in CPE.

Yes, yes, I understand I'll be working with very sick kids who would be compromised by any nasty germ I brought in the door, and even many of the relatively benign ones). I understand that I must protect them from what I can.

Doesn't mean I can't be annoyed about all this.

Now if the preparation involved chocolate...

Writing in Seminary

I went to Catholic schools, and for all their flaws, one skill that was drilled into us was expository writing. We dallied with creative writing as well, but Sister Mary Malachi and Sister Leonard Marie (the two who had the greatest energy around this) were both fiends for clarity and logic and appropriateness in our writing.

This has served me well professionally, and now serves me well in seminary, although sometimes I suspect my profs find me a bit too...well, too whatever, but they universally compliment me, saying things like "clear and engaging." It feeds my ego, and sends me down imagination-roads of publishing. PH, who was formerly married to a professional writer, shudders whenever I mumble things like that.

The food that built my writing muscles was vast quantities of reading. I find myself referencing a wide variety of authors in my writing (Albert Camus on travel for my paper on Qatar, for example), and model my style on others when I've been warned that some professors favor one style over another (Hemingway over Faulkner, say, for a professor who hates run-on sentences).

I'm saddened by the lack of engagement among some of my fellow students on the art of writing. They are busy churning out the dozens of pages we are required to produce. There seems little grace, in any sense of the word, in what they produce.

Sad, because crafting an elegantly crisp phrase, or unwinding a looping sentence that places you in time and space like a gavotte, is such sheer pleasure.

I may be stubborn, but I refuse to relinquish that pleasure even in the brief pieces I will write.