Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Probably a Good Idea...

...to share something OTHER than just peeing and moaning.

I spent time today doing a commendation for a little one from whom care is being withdrawn tonight. He never had a chance, although he's undergone three surgeries since his birth two weeks ago. I spent a long time at his bedside, just stroking his head. He has been in an isolation room because he has been so ill and is (frankly) a little scary looking. I was thinking as I was saying the prayers of commendation how little I've seen anyone touching him, not prodding or poking, but touching him the way babies need to be touched. So I stayed, and held his hand, and stroked his tiny head, and thought a lot about the meaning of such a tiny, brief life, just a flash of a shooting star across the sky. I truly believe he is going to a better place. This work is such a privilege.

I also visited a youngster who has suffered brain-damage from lack of oxygen after a near-drowning. The family is hoping for complete cure. It seems unlikely. So today we prayed for a hundred little miracles, like him gripping his grandpa's hands, or moving his legs a bit, or appearing to looking meaningfully at his brother. We also talked about how God's time is not our time, as much as we'd prefer the big bolt of lightning that fixes everything right now, and how we also need to pray for patience.

I'm thinking a lot these days about how, when one of our children is desperately ill, we become children ourselves, petitioning our Father God for a parental fix. We think as a child. At some point, if it is an extended recovery, or less than hopeful prognosis, we become grown, and we put away childish wishes. Our interactions with God seem to change.

Another mother and her child (who is HIV positive) are struggling to balance hope with reality, and the child's kidneys are failing. The miracle talk has shifted into simple requests for strength.

Neither is good or bad, or right or wrong. It's just an evolution as we process the suffering.

Four babies have died on the intensive care unit in the past two weeks. My heart aches.

5 comments:

ElastiGirl said...

((Mibi)) - I had the neo-nates in CPE also - it's a rough draw - one I needed for other reasons - hugs and prayers to you - I also had the healthy nursery & enjoyed spending some time there each day

Kathryn said...

Holy ground, and it's so good that you are there as a reminder of God's love amid the pain...
But hard and heavy for you.
Love and prayers from me too.x

Cathy said...

My goodness, what a tremendous gift you are to those who are part of our lives for such a very short time. and for those whose lives may be changed in a way that alters lives in a way that no one planned or hoped for. Bless you and thank you.

David said...

Bless you for climbing down into the trenches to be with those who might not see God present amidst their fears and pain. My sister told me to pray for understanding rather than patience; praying for patience only seems to afford us more opportunities to have to practice it. Also, feelings are neither right or wrong - they just are. God's Peace be with you.

Lauralew said...

Hugs to you, and I'll add my prayers for continued strength from Christ's well. Amazing how a summer requirement can forever change a person, and how wonderful that you can be there for those whose lives are being changed, as Cathy says. Peace be with you.